Room Temperature Dog @DiJohnMustard
I write tweets, sometimes people like them __________________________________________ http://t.co/NaLoDMKlo4 USA Joined June 2012-
Tweets581
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Followers285
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Following277
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Likes1K
@jazzyqaz this is the inspiration youtube.com/watch?v=zY7UK-…
4'33" but on Twitter...140 Characters: . .
A Nike and Mountain Dew crossover... Just Dew It.
Many people don't realize that the little old lady who lived in a shoe actually lived in a Heely; it was a more of mobile home, if you will.
*purchases mime at silent auction*
*pops wheelie on unicycle*
An Apple a day keeps the doctor away, but it sure is expensive. *Throws iPhone into a trash can overflowing with Apple products*
"There's always next year..." I softly mutter "The guitar hero championship will be mine one day."
I accidentally hit "reply all" when I was sending a subliminal message.
He/she went to the zoo and enjoyed the manatee/womanatee exhibit.
Alright, having a real hard time coming up with jokes, so if any of you could give me a subject I'll try making a tweet out of it.
Why does it look like that book has fur? Oh that, it's just a dictionhairy.
I can't believe it's not butter I can't believe it's not nutella I can't believe it's not peanut butter I can't believe I lost my tastebuds
Is this your card? No. How bout this one? No. It has to be th- DAD LEAVE ME ALONE I'M TRYING TO EAT BREAKFAST!
Dad! There's a monster under my covers! Son, we're books. If there's a monster under your covers then that means the monster is inside you.
Sorry about the lack of jokes lately, I'll have more later
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach them how they can save 15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico.
Alva Carroll @AlvaCar07523814
45 Followers 186 Following The market gradually stabilizedThere is great hope for the future!
Navin Shah @navinshahh
144 Followers 1K Following
Sadderall @imsoemptyinside
43 Followers 530 Following Just here to scream in the face of the absurd and bury my depression in jokes.
Kevin M. @mackevin02
830 Followers 2K Following
Johnson @Nipplequeef
4 Followers 92 Following Im new here. If a nipple queef were ony a real thing. http://t.co/e5oiM8wjjR
bear without a chair @bearwithnochair
127 Followers 743 Following
will brown @WillyB189
158 Followers 853 Following
Hand Towel @ahandtowel
36 Followers 253 Following
Lorissa Devingham @lorissabee123
105 Followers 583 Following Summer, Ed Sheeran, Bikinis, Music, Instagram
Unemployed Batman @Bat_Sadman
98 Followers 423 Following
JD Stang @MrMooseStang
128 Followers 634 Following Part mustang, part mustang, all of the powers of a mustang. If you're offended, you're wrong, nerd
Cid the Outlaw @OhayItsBrandon
505 Followers 2K Following You ever feel like nothing good was ever gonna happen to you? @sol_sadguy for me complaining about stuff I don’t wanna put here
Tubesteak @MoistMeatball
201 Followers 801 Following Born to run wild and crazy. The one and only Mario is here to tweet the day and nights away.
Lonely Lady @butwhyamIalone
119 Followers 213 Following Semi-attractive woman, has job and all my teeth.
Towering Trees @towering_trees
162 Followers 2K Following
Robyn Mackenzie @horsey_lover95
56 Followers 213 Following hi I'm Robyn and I love horses. Welcome to my twitter :)
Daniel Brereton @dermdaworm
47 Followers 103 Following
k. @8bitpizza
72 Followers 737 Following
Hard Jams, Inc. @HardJamsInc
27 Followers 150 Following Record Label for @grapesodajamb • @promissory_boat • @stump_dump
£lvira Handcock @elvira_handcock
16 Followers 169 Following I am not a human being. Live fast, die pretty; stupid bitches do it best. Fuck you, that's the motto. I'm doing the most, to say the least.
SmartyPantsSusan @SmartyPantSusan
96 Followers 165 Following Intelligent, creative, thoughtful woman with no inhibitions. I like books, movies, music, business, politics, food, and sex. Not in that order. Sometimes NSFW
TINY TINA @larrydeltops
473 Followers 596 Following SELLINGw METLIFE STADIUM TICKETS MESSAGE ME IF INTERESTED
boco beef ☭ @beefharmony
2K Followers 160 Following voted third-best twitter account in my apartment building | please do not perceive me | blm & acab | he/him
Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy
3K Followers 183 Following I'm the best friend you always knew you had but were too afraid to ask your pet unicorn where I live
Donnie @donnie_fairburn
10K Followers 871 Following One time my dad walked in on me making my Ninja Turtles kiss and we never talked about it... @SaddestTiger made my TMNT header
Lynn Bixenspan @lynnbixenspan
8K Followers 3K Following Comedian (Comedy Central, MTV), writer. Most importantly, died on Celebrity Ghost Stories. Also: horror movies.
mishy @RumbleMish
299 Followers 48 Following
Serious Brisket™ @SeriousBrisket
181 Followers 243 Following If your gearing for a Steering.... Im your cow *Puts on sunglasses*
𝙌𝙪𝙞𝙧𝙠�.. @sam_reginald
5K Followers 316 Following Motivational speaker. Inventor. Visionary. !!! Venture Capitalist (early stage) Vine Superstar and Google Advisor. professional Actor/Model. Deranged Memer
ΛΕΜΩΡ @TRILLafLEMUR
201 Followers 256 Following http://t.co/Oj0xds5Uva I once killed a man with a Hotpocket® header by @sunfilter
😹🐴Josh;Occasion.. @constantlyjosh
1K Followers 1K Following Because it's never anyone else, Just Josh; Constantly. All the Time, Usually online, sometimes present, In the Moment, Speaks English
Radtrick Swayze @hugeLEGS
149 Followers 219 Following The best at being the non-worst there ever hasnt not been.
Admiral Kickflip @jedi_gangsta
67 Followers 183 Following
The Business Boy @PajamaBen_
5K Followers 279 Following just when you thought it couldn't get any worse you read my tweets
Tyler Schmall @tylerschmall
13K Followers 976 Following ⚠️ 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 18 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨. 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙩 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣.
Komodog Dragon @KomodogD
2K Followers 488 Following Mild mannered tweeter by day, hardcore sleeper by night
EJ Gomez @EJGomez
18K Followers 755 Following
KangaRufio @Topangaroo
26K Followers 20K Following Do you ever wonder why your life is so hard, and then you're like "Oh, that's right. I'm an idiot"?
Time to die @RealHotwaffles
54 Followers 111 Following
Glenn Loury 2.0 Darke.. @justabloodygame
8K Followers 745 Following Revolution, Microfiction and Dicks Dicks Dicks! (he/him)
Moderately Okay Guy @nathangeck
478 Followers 543 Following Professional weirdo. Purveyor of 140 character lies.
Jay @jayfoldsfive
105 Followers 284 Following Jay whom fold five. Fan of sports, music, comics and graphic design. #CardArt
greg @GrowlyGrego
27K Followers 856 Following
xavi @flattened
226 Followers 2K Following he/him. certified mereologist. 3d art, film, ggst. philosophy student. eng/esp
normal man @KilgoreNowt
841 Followers 866 Following It my look to the untrained eye I'm sitting on my arse all day
#ff @trillama @RaddScientist @DiJohnMustard @OBiiieeee @FartIncarnate @Hellaphantitis @lazy_joe_ @ShanusMcAnus @SuperSeppuku @shocktheglutes
My n-words @PeppyPepe @Promissory_Boat @shocktheglutes @TRILLafLEMUR @trillama @ImFordTough @DiJohnMustard @lazy_joe_
No notifications all morning. Guess I've finally become irrelevant. *unchains self from desktop* *floats away into the sky* *is free*
*Rainbow puts down a copy of "Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave"* why don't you teach your own kids to read?
I got lost in her eyes. No signs of civilization for miles, and I am running low on food and water. I do not know how much longer I can live
job interview advice: iron your angry birds shirt and check sweats for any noticeable stains.
Ponytail tucked down the back of my shirt, so you know i'm mysterious.
Rick Ross getting pulled by exhausted sled dogs..."Mush it to the limit"
Many people don't realize that the little old lady who lived in a shoe actually lived in a Heely; it was a more of mobile home, if you will.
I can't stand the way people look at me-like they've never seen a grown man commute to work on Fisher-Price tricycle before
What idiot called it a Magic 8 Ball and not an answering machine?
#FF @RaddScientist @DiJohnMustard @brownboyblues @FartIncarnate @GrilledYeezus @lazy_joe_ @ShanusMcAnus @trillama @sammcdunna @PeppyPepe @
#FF @SuperSeppuku @Cheese_Pile @heckinglame @ElektraLuxxx @matt_simpson84 @PeppyPepe @DiJohnMustard @DrPhilDeezNuts @apostrophebeats
YO WHY ISN’T THERE A MEDICINE FOR ALL THE TIME JUST CALLED QUIL
♫ hey now / you're a dog star / who's a good boy? / go play ♫
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