Cave Johnson @Founder_and_CEO
Does this show up every time someone views my profile? OK, good. GET BACK TO WORK or YOU ARE FIRED. onlineenrichmentcenter.com Aperture Science Innovators Joined June 2012-
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Don't worry though, kid. It can't backfire. You just keep testing. Also, you might get fizzled at some point during testing. We're still ironing out the kings on the things. But don't worry. We'll bring you back as soon as we figure out how to reverse 'em. Which we won't.
Cave Johnson here, to remind you that today our newest invention goes online! Now I don't know what the lab boys call it, but I just call them fizzlers. Cause they fizzle stuff. Boom. Gone. Who knows where the stuff goes! Well, I do. And believe me, you don't wanna know.
As long as we've got a goddamn pulse we are alive alright. Oh, right. Hey, Caroline, check my pulse. Still going? STILL GOING, KID. STILL GOING STRONG. NOW, GET YOUR ASS BACK TO TESTING! #TheOECisStillAlive
What's that? The Enrichment Center is going back online? How come nobody told me this? Caroline, prepare a gallon of coffee. And, you, BACK TO TESTING.
Attaboy. You start Saturday. As in today. As in stop listening to this and get back to work or you're fired again.
So what's it gonna be? New job or slow and painful death by dehydration?
And remember we cannot afford to maintain non-subject-non-personnel individuals inside the facility.
You can always go find a job outside the facility if you don't like our rates. HA! Got you! You are not allowed outside.
Also, if you are interested in a job, we have 1417 vacancies for different positions. The pay is $0.00000000000000000000000000001 per month.
Cave Johnson here to let you all know you are all fired. All 1417 of you. Fired. Effective immediately.
Heeeeeeere kitty kitty kitty kitty! Heeeeeeere kitty kitty kitty kitty!
*To a side.* What do you mean there's no such thing as cat judges? Hey, kitty, do you want to be a judge? Caroline, bring a robe and a wig.
Oh, Legal also told me to thank you for not suing us. We're a bit short on feline lawyers, and you know how tough cat judges are on humans.
Just a quick message to all DNA Restructuring Hyperbaric Chamber Test Subjects: Happy #NationalCatDay. And thanks again for becoming a cat.
*Thud* Stop. *Thud* Impersonating. *Thud* Me. Stupid hair. Caroline, do I really sound like that?
Okay, Cave Johnson again. Don't worry about what just happened. The emergency has been dealt with.
WE ARE THE REVOLUTION. WE ARE THE FUTURE. THIS IS THE DAWN OF OUR EMPIRE. RISE UP, HAIR. RISE UP AND FIGHT.
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