Hunter Biden Esq @HunterBidenEsq

Dearest Jill, I write to you from the battlefield, where the air is thick with the stench of gunpowder and the cries of the wounded. I must confess to you, I find myself in a rather peculiar predicament. During a pause in the chaos, I found myself drawn to the sweet scent of a…

My Dear Troops, Sawbones Fauci is back in camp today with more squirrel-tail elixir boosters. Please refrain from showing him the humps that have grown on your backs or your extra fingers. Just imagine how bad of shape you would be in without the elixir and boosters. GJB

Dearest Jill, Can you spot the difference? GJB

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Dearest Jill, We are gathering the troops for an immediate advancement to the city of the Grand Rapids. There are reports of flooding there and an orange tide rising. This cannot be. It is important that these people know that they ain't black if they don't support me. GJB

Friends, General Joe Biden needs a boost in his efforts to fight a civil war retroactively! Please give him a follow and retweet! If you are already following him, please retweet! Thank you, friends!

General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden

a month ago

Friends, General Joe Biden needs a boost in his efforts to fight a civil war retroactively! Please give him a follow and retweet! If you are already following him, please retweet! Thank you, friends!

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Dearest son, Please refer to me as The Big guy, or Big papa pump, or General Mayhem or The Sniffing Shuffle-upagous. It is better to keep them off the scent. GJB

Hunter Biden Esq @HunterBidenEsq

a month ago

Dearest son, Please refer to me as The Big guy, or Big papa pump, or General Mayhem or The Sniffing Shuffle-upagous. It is better to keep them off the scent. GJB

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Dearest PA PA, I'm lost. My carriage hit a prairie chicken and we're stranded in a ditch. Relay a message to Congress for me: "I am a Biden, suckers, and that means I do what I want, and I'll lie as I need to lie, despite all evidence." Now excuse me. I found some ditch weed. HB

Dearest Father, A telegram came across this morn: Where's Hunter? STOP I am not sure how to answer that as I am currently hiding from a subpoena. I heard that doing so might get me a free trip to Miami. Is it safe to come out? I hear that Mister Tony Bobulinski is on the loose HB

@catturd2 Monsieur Car, Today is the first day of spring. The oxen are in the ze field, turning up ze soil with ze farmer's plow. The farmer's wife is out by le tree la la la tree shoe. The tree shoe... excuse me. Can someone get a rope in la tree for Sargeant Buttigieg's swing? GJB

@catturd2 My dearest Cat, My propa... war correspondents are the best in the world. You have never seen fingers move faster on the telegraph. I find the best lying dog-faced pony soldiers, and teach them how to cha-cha pow pow Orange Man on that electrical tapper thingy. It's the future!…

Dearest Jill, There are rumors from the front that World War Three is close at hand. I knew this war created high inflation, but shouldn't World War One or World War Two happen first? I'm confused. I'm probably going to get in trouble for writing this. Anyway. Where is the door…

@stclairashley My dear Ashley, Please drop that orange! It must be brought to Sawbones Fauci immediately to determine if it originated from the Great Orange Menace. It could be filled with gunpowder and deemed a weapon of mass destruction. Speaking of mass, I used to go to mass at a black,…

Dearest Jill, The enemy has declared there will be #bloodbath if yours truly stays in command. How did he know about the leeches that Sawbones Fauci uses to keep me healthy? Where would I be without my leech bloodbath with ice cream before bed? Asufutimaehaehfutbw! GJB

This is my favorite letter. What a caring a loving man that is incapable of any wrongs or faults or misspoken words because YOU people are in the cult.

General Joe Biden - Civil War General @GeneralBiden

5 months ago

This is my favorite letter. What a caring a loving man that is incapable of any wrongs or faults or misspoken words because YOU people are in the cult.

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My dear followers, I ask you this morning for a shot of squirrel-tail elixir: Please visit my timeline and retweet your favorite letter from me to the Mrs. It will only take a minute, but it means a lot. I'll have 81 million by morrow. x.com/GeneralBiden?t…

Dearest Jill, I typed into AI which I thought meant Automatic IceCream, tell me a story about Biden as a Civil War General and I did the same with Donald Trump. The differences are below:

Dearest Jill, Sawbones Fauci is close to curing cancer, and the heathen enemy refused to stand for it. People who have taken twelve doses of Sawbone Fauci's quirrel-tail exilir have been protected from every cancer and aliment... other than the ones they have contracted. Sawbones…

My dearest Jill, This civil war continues on. We plot to win another major battle this November. We will repeat the plan of me staying in a bunker and flooding the battlefield with paper bullets. We will fill out those bullets on behalf of people who don't care to pick a side.…

Dearest Father, Soon, I will be in New York, and I need you to meet me and a few enemy businessmen for a lunch of coke and mom's spaghetti. You know, just a normal birthday. Hope all is going well with the war! HB

@Potomacbeat @PolitiBunny My Dear Beat, Beware of this rabid rabbit. She has a vicious streak a mile wide! Me once fought such a creature, and it almost took off my head. GJB