Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

My clothes are mostly clean, can’t remember the last time I showered, and that lovely perfume you smell is spitup. Corporate America, USA Joined October 2011

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

3 years ago

*Evan Peters’ alarm goes off* *He sits up, sighs* “Gonna have to fuck a mannequin at work today” #DahmerNetflix

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I don’t even know how @Ticketmaster is a legal business anymore. Hiding promos, wiping their number from Google, not letting anyone contact them until tickets are purchased, then saying all sales are final. Complete scam. 🖕🏻

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

4 years ago

Ok, you cannot convince me that Alyssa is not Henry and Christina’s daughter. Same mix of personalities, too 🤷🏻‍♀️ #MAFSBoston #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSightBoston

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

4 years ago

Why is Thomas #bachelorinparadise

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

4 years ago

Ok I’m just going to say it #BlueOrigin youtu.be/ARXqNc5DGXU

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

5 years ago

I wish Pastor Cal would stop asking Paige and Chris questions. This show did her dirty. You stuck her in a marriage with a manipulative, abusive narcissist. Let her get out. #MarriedAtFirstSight

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

Idea for @nbcgameofgames: Uncomfortably bend over to attempt to find three matches of shitty Tupperware in a kitchen cabinet. No one will win.

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

So much unsafe sleep on #thisisus 😩

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

I want to know how, as a species that eats and swallows every day, we manage to do stupid shit like bite our tongues, mouths, and lips and choke on our own spit?!

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

Omg Luke take your soap opera eyebrows and go home. #TheBachelorette

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

#BigLittleLies Prediction: Mary Louise keeps talking about her “boys”. Corey is going to turn out to be Perry’s brother. He was also super eager about wanting to meet Ziggy...

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

Meryl Streep is my favorite actress, but her character is so hatable that I actually now hate Meryl Streep 👏🏻 #BigLittleLies

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

Anyone else also feel like a dirty thief when they take condiments from Chick fil A they are completely unnecessary for what they ordered?

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

So tired today. Would consider sleeping in my car over lunch if my back seat didn’t have a car seat base in the middle 😩 #workingmom

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

Bit my tongue so hard today that it hasn’t really stopped bleeding since it happened 6 hours ago. Then I wondered if it hurt more than my C-section. That, my friends, is why Mother Nature is a dumb bitch that makes you forget how terrible childbirth is so you’ll have more babies.

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

I present to you a collection of original photos entitled “My Evening, In Timestamps”. The bath, 7:25pm. Everything else, 8:15-8:31pm. Baby also peed on the dog, in case you are wondering 😒 #newmomproblems

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

“You look like you need a nap.” Me, with my four month old:

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

So... Hannah B’s Dad... #TheBachelorette

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

When it’s Saturday and you rocked your baby back to sleep at 6am and they’ve been sleeping 2+ hours but you’ve been wide awake the whole time 😳 #workingmom

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Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb

6 years ago

You know you’re a mom when you are repeatedly hitting the snooze button and the question, “Which day did I shower?”, brings no sense of urgency. #workingmom