Swaidy @Swaidishh

psybloom Joined May 2021

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a month ago

This app is slowly creeping back into my life, I don't think it will surpass reddit though

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

Oh & diagnosis # 69: Axial Spondyloarthritis, I'm a rare breed lmao

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They resolve themselves to see it to the end, in defiance, in love & in their grief for the child who hurt not knowing why, who broke not understanding how, who dragged themself along not knowing where..

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

But then they also gather them self up & drag their bones along, they harden up when that's what they need & soften down when that's what they need. & Sometimes they open an old excuse of a diary & bleed all over it.

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

They don't want to rave, they don't want to victim blame themselves but they do they do

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

They dreamed about tapering off all their meds & now they're drowning in a sea of both old & new ones

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

They just want to be explosive when they workout, they want to thrive, they want-& their wants die before they can manifest in their conscious awareness

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

& yet & yet they're still searching searching for the wrong they did

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

How the fk do you decide whether to start immunosuppressants. Starting seems like a death sentence, not starting them seems like a death sentence.

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

I'm getting married in a month & my days are spent worrying about whether I will lose my balance & fall down the stairs, whether I should reserve some energy today so I don't wake up unable to walk to the loo next morning, whether my appetite is actually dying or is it all in my-

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

How does one grapple with the knowledge that their entire life is moulded by their ailments. That the pinnacle of living for them was to transcend beyond. Only to find out there's no cure.

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

How does one, aged 25, comprehend that they never experienced youth & never will since every present moment is non-linearly the healthiest they'll ever be

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

Does the grief ever stop. Looking back (pun not intended) these last 7 years, how do I not break for the past self who battled pain & fatigue w/o knowing it was a fkn disease. How do I not grieve for the future self who will meet with dead ends & contradictions in the literature

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Swaidy @Swaidishh

a year ago

Hi, does anyone on here have fibromyalgia? (I hope not) Or know of someone who does? I recently got diagnosed and it'd be nice to talk to someone ya know