Hard on Equipment @ToolForTheJob
Aussie chick with brains and tits Australia Joined August 2013-
Tweets361
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Followers101
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Following136
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Likes428
Hard on Equipment retweeted
It's like the real meaning of Hallowe'en has been lost. Most people don't even know that Jesus fought a pumpkin, let alone why.
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Hard on Equipment retweeted
[phone hasn't left my hand in 6.5 years] No, I didn't get your text.
Hard on Equipment retweeted
The inventor of the anagram has died. May he erect a penis.
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Vin Diesel, at his desk, choosing his stage name. Grumbles and furrows his brow. Crosses out "Cir Petrol".
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Son: what are electric eels? Me: eels but electric Son: are there other electric animals? Me [looking at the cat & the toaster]: not yet
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Agent: I’m here to give Trump intelligence. Staffer: Good job! A: Huh? S: Saying that without laughing. A: Thanks! I practiced all morning.
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Dads Anonymous DAD: go on, it's safe here ME: sometimes I don't cut the grass in a pattern *one dad vomits, another stops grilling entirely*
Hard on Equipment retweeted
[Babysitting nephew] M: It's 10 PM and you're nine. Shouldn't you go to bed? H: You're 35. Shouldn't you be married?
Hard on Equipment retweeted
[Jews being led out of Egypt] Woman: *mumbles* 40 years? He couldn't just stop & ask directions? Moses: WHO SAID THAT? NO MANNA FOR YOU!
Hard on Equipment retweeted
*shines flashlight under chin 'And the phones were attached to the walls and didn't have cameras' *teenagers scream. Two pass out
Hard on Equipment retweeted
wife: Feeling better? me: Yeah wife: Kind of overreacted to a cold didn't you? [flashback to me calling the Make-A-Wish Foundation] me: No
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Think how different everything would be if you had never met the one person who changed everything. You know, like that eye witness.
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Me: Goodnight. Brain: Pssst. Me: What? Brain: What disease do you think we have?
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.
Hard on Equipment retweeted
dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says "Craftsman" dad: me: Are you crying?
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.
Hard on Equipment retweeted
*looks across room at wife* *closes one eye* *squints* *holds up thumb* *swipes left* Wife: “What are you doing?” Me: “Nothing.” *sighs*
Hard on Equipment retweeted
Catfish ruin bottom feeding for all of us.
Hard on Equipment retweeted
*sees signal in the sky* "But I just sat down" -me, as a superhero
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