Mat @MatCro

favstar.fm/users/MatCro Joined July 2010

Tweets

50K
Followers

11K
Following

598
Likes

15K

Mat @MatCro

9 years ago

COP: Can you describe your attacker? ME: No COP: Didn't you see him? ME: Yes, but I have a poor grasp of adjectives

1 489 1K 0 1

Mat @MatCro

6 months ago

ME: I've been told I'm going to need a CT scan. DAVE: Have you got a date for it? ME: No, I'll probably go on my own.

1 3 9 972 0

Stew Peters @realstewpeters

9 months ago

OCCUPIED WORLD PREMIERE: WARNING! Sensitive Content, Viewer Discretion is Advised x.com/i/broadcasts/1…

4K 15K 31K 8.9M 25K

Playteaux @Playteaux1

a year ago

Visiting Your Grown Kids

3K 13K 109K 10.7M 16K

Download Video

Marty Lawrence @TeaAndCopy

a year ago

everyone on their third hour of watching the #OpeningCeremony

344 4K 36K 2.7M 1K

Download Image

Rick Burin @rickbur1n

a year ago

This house seems like great value. It’s worth scrolling down to the final photo to find out why. rightmove.co.uk/properties/147…

202 535 3K 1.3M 594

If you're worried about people remembering every embarrassing thing you did, think about it. Can you remember other people's embarrassing moments? No. That's because you're the only one who's ever done something embarrassing. What the fuck is wrong with you lmao

38 4K 35K 1.1M 1K

GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge

2 years ago

"My work here is done" - Yoda, pointing at his desk.

6 39 159 14K 1

Jon @ArfMeasures

7 years ago

Wife: Sarah's husband gives her flowers EVERY day. I wish you'd do that! Me: uh ok [next day] Me *giving Sarah flowers* no I don't get it either

20 3K 18K 0 61

GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge

11 years ago

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times and I'm not sure if the shame alternates or if it's still me.

56 2K 4K 0 27

Mat @MatCro

2 years ago

GF: Why do you always include me in your Strava titles when we go for a run? ME: (knowing it's to explain the slow pace to my mates) I want people to know how in love we are.

0 0 3 2K 0

Mat @MatCro

3 years ago

Highly recommend the new book by Elliot Page and Tina Turner. It's a real Elliot Tina.

0 4 12 2K 0

Mat @MatCro

3 years ago

A zillion hours of quality streaming at my fingertips and all I want to watch is a local historian talking about snickets and a guy from Uttoxeter going on rollercoasters.

0 0 0 1K 0

Mat @MatCro

3 years ago

What if a basin knocked on your door, asking to spend 60 seconds in your house? Just let that sink in for a minute.

0 1 19 3K 1

GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge

3 years ago

When’s Christmas?

5 98 368 44K 1

Download Image

Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit

3 years ago

Definitely the future of television I had in mind was me having to google every movie I want to watch to see if it’s currently in one of its one-month windows on any of the seven streaming services I pay for. This is way easier than buying a DVD. I love it.