The Unreal Andy Mac @Unreal_AndyMac

I tweet through @TheReal_AndyMac .... I follow back and @ here. favstar.fm/users/TheReal_… Joined October 2016

Tweets

343
Followers

759
Following

2K
Likes

317

The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

A very special friend of mine w cystic fibrosis just recieved new lungs. A miracle! She is a mother, daughter and a friend. She needs help. I'm asking for one of two things, a $1 donation or a retweet to someone who will. She deserves it. Thank you! cota.org/campaigns/COTA…

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

When you successfully keep the secret about the weekend party from that one asshole who seems to always ruin it.

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The Unreal Andy Mac @Unreal_AndyMac

8 years ago

So @chewstroke sells "apparel". Good to have a back up plan when your tweets are absolute garbage.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

One day I would like to see a marathon in Kenya where some guy from Boston wins.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

I have no issues with Caitlyn Jenner identifying as a male, but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

Listen, I'm not on Twitter to make your day better. I'm on Twitter to make sure mine doesn't get any fucking worse.

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The Unreal Andy Mac @Unreal_AndyMac

8 years ago

Hi. I'm Andy. You may know me as @TheReal_AndyMac. I want you all to know that I'm a travel agent specializing in European travel from the US. If you need air, contact me on the other account. I can save you a lot of money.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

If you are ever down in life, just remember....there are 80.6 thousand people that follow toilet paper on Twitter.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

Tony Romo is playing in his first PGA event this weekend. He better hope it doesn't come down to a playoff.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

Only on Twitter can you read a lovely poetic tweet followed by a tweet about a dog's asshole.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

If you're anything like me, you're probably pretty disappointed in the lack of rap battles in your life.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

If I was a murderer I'd call myself The Suspense. When someone says, "The Suspense is killing me" we'd both laugh. Then I'd stab them.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

I don't trust anyone who can retweet 4 tweets per second.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

[On the phone] WIFE: What are you doing? ME: I'm at the gym. WIFE: Ok babe, I'll see you later. [Hangs up phone and continues watching Alf]

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

Can't wait for daylight savings time so my oven clock can be correct again.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

Evolution of the phone 1989: I can play Mary had a Little Lamb using the 1,2 and 3 buttons! 1996: I can talk anywhere in the house without a cord! 2000: I just killed this game of snake! 2018: I just took a picture of my taint wearing sunglasses using this snapchat filter!

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

It's a fact that humans are predisposed to hate people named Todd.

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

Genie: You still have two wishes left... Me (eating tacos inside my new bounce house): What?

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The Return of Andy Mac @TheReal_AndyMac

8 years ago

The difference between men and woman can be seen in their towels. Women have separate towels for their body, hands, feet and face. Men stare at their one towel trying to remember what side they wiped their ass with before drying off their face.