Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

The British Isles Joined March 2020

Tweets

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Followers

91
Following

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166

Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

3 years ago

You’re In front of a green screen of the Eiffel Tower, that’s 75 metres behind the actual Eiffel Tower. So, you’re equidistant between two stunning Eiffel Towers. Easy-peasy. Next.

Ricky Gervais @rickygervais

3 years ago

You’re In front of a green screen of the Eiffel Tower, that’s 75 metres behind the actual Eiffel Tower. So, you’re equidistant between two stunning Eiffel Towers. Easy-peasy. Next.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

3 years ago

If @MartinSLewis was giving advice to Madame Marie Tussaud, he would tell her to save money on wax, by only making sculptures of petite celebrities. Then again, Martin Lewis couldn’t possibly give her advice, as she is long-deceased, so who gives a fuck.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

3 years ago

I’ve bought an Uncle Fester costume for £300. I’m not going to a Halloween party or anything crazy like that. I’m just going to be wearing it in my room, with the light off.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

4 years ago

I think me and my dog are going to have to buy our own hairbrushes. I’m sick of getting fleas from her and she’s sick of getting nits from me.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

4 years ago

Francis Ngannou would be really good at breaking an Easter egg in half.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

5 years ago

As of today, you are now looking at none other than Lord Joshua McCulloch of Hougun Manor. These legal documents are as genuine as they come, so I don’t want to see any jealous Sirs or Dames trying to trip me up. Have I made myself clear Sirs and Dames?

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

5 years ago

When I go bald, I am going to wear a wig with a receding hairline. The hairpiece will also be thinning towards the scalp.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

5 years ago

Some footage my teaching assistant took of story time with my year 3 pupils.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

5 years ago

Ventriloquists are having it all their own way at the moment. They just bung a mask on and pass off anything they say as the puppet being a potty mouth.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

5 years ago

I take you, Claudia Winkleman, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till a difference of opinion and an ugly divorce settlement do us part.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

5 years ago

Peter Parker has just swung by and took a photograph of me fluffing my memory foam pillow in the spare room. I think it's safe to say I'm going to be on the front page of The Daily Bugle tomorrow.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

5 years ago

Thank you for the nomination Rumpelstiltskin. I nominate Richard but not Judy, Bonnie but not Clyde, Gunther from Friends and the head spy of Her Majesty’s Secret Service, 007. You have until the next global pandemic to complete the challenge.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

6 years ago

I am currently writing a limerick about how both Patty and Selma from The Simpsons smoke like a chimney, on the back of a coaster with a watercolour pencil.

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Josh McCulloch @_JoshMcCulloch

6 years ago

I’m just going to come out and say it. I don’t think bee stings and nettle stings hurt as much as people say that they do. Granted, my pain tolerance makes me considered to be somewhat of a medical marvel, but even so, I find stings like these to be manageable for the most part.