Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

stand up comic. I treat Twitter like a good friend or family member, with neglect. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/net… Joined November 2011

Tweets

2K
Followers

292
Following

477
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4K

Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

5 months ago

The @Yankees should’ve saved these bats for the post season. #yankees

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

11 months ago

WS tickets @Yankees standing room only $1,200. you’re kidding me?! Go ahead. FILL THE STADIUM WITH NERDS

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

hey @RealMichaelKay can you believe this behavior, on SOCK day?! #yankees #sockday @M_Marakovits

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

the smell is coming from inside the blouse

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

just ate a pork chop at a fancy Italian restaurant and all I can think about is that poor, poor lamb

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

A lot of talk these days about self sabotage why don’t you think about somebody else once in a while?

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

how is it having a car in NYC? 8am found that my car has been towed 845am found my car 11:30am find a new spot (Alternate side until 1pm) 1:25pm (5.5 hours later) Back to my apartment “it’s fine”

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

Anybody else read tweets after midnight in a whisper?

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

Day 11 of drinking the recommended amount of daily water; the average human’s body is 60% water, mine is pushing 62

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Mayor Eric Adams @NYCMayor

a year ago

#agenda reveal party

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

Day 10 of drinking the recommended daily amount of water and I’m bringing it up in every interaction, people are drowning in boredom. Turns out, no one cares!

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

Day 9 of drinking the recommended daily amount of water; not one ounce drank by a straw, alternating little sips and big gulps

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Mike Toohey @_miketoohey

a year ago

Day 8 of drinking the recommended daily amount of water; found out I’ve been drinking too much so I drank 20 oz less today and now I’m thirsty

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Day 7 of drinking the recommended daily amount of water; in nothing short of an act of sabotage, my landlord shut off the building’s water was told we couldn’t even flush. But we flushed. Oh did we flush.