HouseKitty @amymwolfe
Faye Dunaway played Joan Crawford playing my mother favstar.fm/users/amymwolfe Omaha Joined February 2011-
Tweets3K
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Followers361
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Following301
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Likes8K
HouseKitty retweeted
The best part of being over 40 is that all your worst indiscretions happened pre-internet.
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HouseKitty retweeted
I grocery shop like my parents are going away for the weekend
HouseKitty retweeted
I already saw Chappie when it was called Short Circuit and let me tell you, Hugh Jackman is no Steve Guttenberg.
I tell everyone my favorite band is the Rolling Stones but really its Black Sabbath
HouseKitty retweeted
There are many mysteries in this world but how my ass got this fat isn't one of them.
HouseKitty retweeted
If you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, what excuse would you use to bail at the last minute?
HouseKitty retweeted
All money does is give you a more comfortable bed to cry in at night
HouseKitty retweeted
2014 was apparently the hottest year on record, which totally explains why every idiot was dumping an ice bucket on their head.
HouseKitty retweeted
My best contribution to humanity so far is finding creative ways to avoid it
HouseKitty retweeted
Let's just skip to the part we go to therapy
HouseKitty retweeted
40 is the new 20 - acceptance is the new denial
HouseKitty retweeted
Today is the 69th anniversary of the Titanic disaster. Let that sink in for a minute.
HouseKitty retweeted
When you didn't drink the night before but still wake up feeling hung over.
HouseKitty retweeted
My metabolism is more of a metabolisn't.
HouseKitty retweeted
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
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