CD @conor__david

Joined July 2014

Tweets

220
Followers

110
Following

281
Likes

655

Zach Seyko @zach_seyko

11 months ago

This was a fumble. And this call had a huge impact on the outcome of Penn State - Ohio State.

963 164 4K 623K 93

Download Video

CD @conor__david

2 years ago

Could pretty easily tell you who did and didn’t get the fitness award in middle school based solely on watching them attempt to get their luggage off the carousel at the airport

0 0 2 121 0

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

Probably heard the country song “Walmart” 5 times this week before I realized he was singing Walmart and not Wawa

0 0 1 149 0

Was chirping Swayze this am for not barking at squirrels and watching them bury acorns in his yard. Later on I catch him digging up all the nuts. Sitting on the couch and it occurs to me that sicko is playing the long game and setting up the ATX squirrels for a winter famine

1 0 7 0 0

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

Hilarious thing about Texas is the ubiquity of brass knuckles at gas stations. Chapstick in stock? 50/50 odds. Brass knuckles? They got Brass, aluminum, stainless steel and a range of exotics. Cashiers know to ask how often you scrap in saltwater climates before making the sale

1 0 5 0 0

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

MLB Pitcher LinkedIn titles would put SF tech nerds to shame. “Pitcher. 6 out specialist. Proficient in breaking balls and currently taking courses in off speed pitches. 5:1 vacation:work ratio non negotiable. Junior hire required for batting/base running projects”

1 0 3 0 0

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

Worst fan bases in history 1. Notre Dame 2. Ohio State 3. Dallas Cowboys 4. Netflix Execs that glamorize serial killers #NUFD #NotUpForDebate

1 0 3 0 0

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

Think I just hit peak old after FaceTiming @ohara76 and not realizing there was a fire alarm going off where he was. I just chalked it up as “Brooklyn music”

0 0 3 0 0

Jeff Bezos @JeffBezos

3 years ago

The newly created Disinformation Board should review this tweet, or maybe they need to form a new Non Sequitur Board instead. Raising corp taxes is fine to discuss. Taming inflation is critical to discuss. Mushing them together is just misdirection.

Joe Biden @JoeBiden

3 years ago

41K 9K 75K 0 536

13K 18K 149K 0 2K

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

Crazy how many wealthy people live in Austin now. Elon Musk, Joe Rogan, Sandra Bullock, and whoever the fuck sells pink cowgirl hats to bachelorette parties before they go out on Rainey street

0 0 4 0 0

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

The Philadelphia 76ers are the Cleveland Browns of the NBA. Anyone who disagrees is wrong.

1 0 0 0 0

CD @conor__david

3 years ago

Shout out to the creatures at chipotle that play lockdown d on their order. Slither up between the person in front of them and the glass if their burrito gets to the corn before they do. Some even down to cross the line of scrimmage, point over the glass and call their salsa shot

1 0 2 0 0

CD @conor__david

4 years ago

Beer league group chats in your mid to late 20s are basically just a thread of excuses people make to avoid playing the game. They’ll be like oh yeah man I know I said I was in for that but knees been bothering me. Meanwhile they’re rocking a 2021 JnJ ACL still under warranty

0 0 6 0 0

CD @conor__david

4 years ago

Anyone else keep a chop stick stash in their utensil drawer from sushi delivery orders where whoever packed up your food assumed you had to be ordering for a family of four? You know just in case you ever decide to throw a Japanese dinner party or pick up hand rolls as a hobby

0 0 11 0 0

CD @conor__david

4 years ago

Some dweeb just showed up to a tiki bar in a Cowboys jersey on super bowl Sunday. Buddy take a lap the year is 2022 not 1995 and TO was on your team for a cup of coffee

0 0 7 0 0

CD @conor__david

4 years ago

Boomers are getting more and more brazen with their tech help demands. Some woman just blocked me into a parking spot while I was putting dry cleaning in my car and demanded I start troubleshooting her CarPlay for her. Didn’t want directions to Best Buy tho. Wanted them from Siri