Pete Reynolds @p_t_reynolds
Contributor @mcsweeneys + Real Deadspin (twice!) + society (once, tops!) petereynolds.tumblr.com Joined August 2010-
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Gotham has the Bat Signal, we have this
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Public service reminder: if the weather man on your local news is forecasting snow but does not refer to it as “the white stuff,” he can be fired for creating a hostile work environment. This is known as “Chuck’s Law”
[sweatily trying to finish my “Last Christmas I Gave You My Fart” parody]
Passive-aggressive
If “Paradise City” is on the car radio, and you don’t turn it up while looking in the rearview and saying to your kids, “Check it out—classic,” the CIA can legally detain you at a black site and taunt you by saying “Looks like you won’t be going down to ANY city now, smart guy”
Look man, that’s between James Harden and protocols
Look man, that’s between James Harden and protocols
Oh sure, sure, guess I’ll just WAKE UP tomorrow after I get BEEPED AT by my little HAND COMPUTER. Like an absolute IDIOT
Thank you to @mcsweeneys for bravely lending its voice to this important fight. mcsweeneys.net/articles/well-…
Baseball Hall of Fame voters be like
It’s crazy that we can put a man on the moon, yet most people still don’t understand that the Apollo 11 landing was faked
I’m not “choosing sides” here, but there is a legitimate argument to be made that THE PRINCESS SWITCH and THE PRINCESS SWITCH: SWITCHED AGAIN occur in the SAME CINEMATIC UNIVERSE
Big news: I believe I have collected enough data to prove the Durst Hypothesis, which says the greater your resemblance to Fred Durst, the more likely you are to wear your mask chin-only in the airport security line
Infrastructure bills are fine, but personally I’m more stoked for the Ultrastructure bill that will fund skate parks and Mountain Dew factories
Enough of the PC bullcrap. I’ll be dead in my grave before I stop calling October 31st Columbus Day
Who was Tom Petty’s romantic rival in “Listen to Her Heart”? There can’t be that many dudes who had a money-and-cocaine advantage over 1978 Petty
If you own a furniture store and do not describe the savings at this weekend’s sales event as “spooktacular,” the Department of Justice can prosecute you for a civil rights violation. This is the cost of freedom
Wrote this to get back at all the haters (you know who you are) who said I didn’t know what year it was mcsweeneys.net/articles/2020-…
He called ‘SHOTGUN’
As a voter who is still undecided, I just have to say that I have had a plunger stuck to my face for weeks. I managed to drill a hole in the rubber part, through which I have threaded a “potato salad hose,” but I am losing hope. And no, pulling does not help, I already tried
If you are in the construction “game” and the city inspector comes by your project, and your construction guys are not listening to a Double Barrel Classic Rock Block featuring Foghat and Aerosmith, the project can be shut down and you can be jailed for treason. Tough but fair
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/|\( ;,;)/|\ is @pods... @podsothoth
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/|\( ;,;)/|\ is @pods... @podsothoth
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