hmmm @rowanstapleton
Joined September 2012-
Tweets273
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Followers256
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Following163
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Likes509
just got told I would be "taken out of the airport in handcuffs" if I didn't stop pretend smoking my candy cigarette
if I had the nuclear codes, every top golf in the courty would be gone by Christmas
About to wear Axe body spray to my interview on Monday, wish me luck
In this day and age smoking a cigarette is less cringe than eating non-greek yogurt
2 things I love about Boston are the pastries and baseball
My boss keeps telling me I have to dress better for work, but just because it looks stupid doesn't mean it's not expensive
The scariest thing about parents is that they could rename you at any moment
I think if I ever have kids, I would tell them that their parents died and that I'm their grandpa. Much less pressure
Can't wait to get my v card (vaccine card) so that I can finally loose my v card (virginity card)
I just realized that once rising sea levels cover all of our major cities, then they all become new versions of Atlantis. So that's pretty cool
When my dad was getting the vaccine the nurse asked him which arm, and he said "Can you do half in my left and half in my right?" And the whole vaccination clinic got up and started clapping
Online university would be way cooler if it was like pokemon, and you had to walk to each class virtually. That would be epic
DAVIS: If any of you guys are a fan of Sam's Mediterranean restaurant, the owner has had a really tough year and has opened a gofundme to save his business. He's getting close to the goal and everything helps - so let your friends and family know! gofund.me/86b5476e
One Piece, Chapter 1,000!!! Congratulations to Oda Sensei on this historic achievement. And thank you fans for coming on this incredible journey. Here's to many more. Read the chapter for FREE! bit.ly/3p363ny
I tried to teach my dad how to count, but he got upset and told me to stop. When I tired again he said, "Don't make me count to 3"
When squirrels "go out on a limb" they really mean it. My philosophy teacher doesn't.
Pessimist Astronomer: The moon will be half-empty tonight
I got a tattoo of the day me and my girlfriend met, but we broke up, so now there's only one day a year I can try to get another date

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