Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

Please keep your good vibes inside the vehicle at all times 🤙✌️ Joined July 2020

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

*walks up to the counter at GameStop* Me: Got any games? *walks out, cackling uncontrollably*

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

Me: *walks into Shark Tank* If you give me a billion dollars I can make each one of you a millionaire overnight. Me 5 seconds later: *gets a billion dollars*

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

I would die to be able to attend my own funeral.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

Do people still shop at Rooms To Go?

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

Doctor: any history of illness in your family? Me: My mom pronounced crayon “crown”

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

*playing cards with the family* That one cousin: Is it too late to join? *restarts the game to let them play, starts playing again* That other cousin: hey can I join?

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

Me: How do I watch it? Them: Just Google YouTube Me: Hey - just shut up you idiot.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

I consider myself an environmentalist. I only eat leftovers and I haven’t showered in 12 days.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

3 years ago

I’m back for the holidays, and I brought only the essentials.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

Sometimes I use Colgate total extra strength… just to feel something

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

The uncle urge to say “I haven’t seen you since last year”

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

All I want is @benandjerrys to name a flavor after me. If that happens I- My life will be complete.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

Me and my girlfriend used to watch Friends but then we realized we wanted to be more than friends.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

(On a first date) Me: *gets in the car, plays Concerning Hobbits by Howard Shore* The girl: Is this- Me: the best music ever made? Yes. Yes it is.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

when I pay a professional fighter to catch me up on current events We call that boxer briefs.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

Today must be the hardest day of the year for Santa.

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Your Estranged Uncle @EstrangedUnc

4 years ago

Fast food commercials this time of year rlly be like: “Can’t celebrate with all your loved ones this year? Try Pizza Hut’s 9.99 CrAzY Christmas box!!! Let the Hut heal your home - order now!”