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Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
Schrödinger must have been a nightmare to play 'Hangman' with....🤔🙄
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Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
My favorite thing about the Chinese teachers at my school is that when a student is good they describe them as a "very good student" but when a student is not doing well, they describe them as "a cute student" on report cards
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
Mixing up the words sorrow and sparrow is no big thing. Until you spend an evening drowning your sorrows.
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
Murder Hornet: *Exists* Praying Mantis: You need Jesus in your life
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
Putting my phone between my legs so I can double the dopamine hit I'm already getting from these retweet notifications.
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
For the last 5-ish minutes my kids have been totally self sufficient, and I'm pretty sure this is what freedom feels like.
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
spoonful of sugar is just a song about Mary Poppins chasing the dragon
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
sometimes I lick the end of a battery to feel something
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
When you're standing in the shower, your feet slip, and you go oh shit, I'm gonna die. Pure fear
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
It's my dad's birthday so I bought him 4 cartons of cigarettes, cuz fool me once....
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
Sometimes you just need to hold onto the one whose heart and yours are the same
It's hard saying goodbye to Souplantation. My favorite song by them is Black Hole Sun
Kim Jong Un's health reminds me of the time before Life of Pablo was released. Nobody knew what to call it
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
Wife: "I heard you've been seeing other women." Magician husband: "No, I've been sawing other women."
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
Meteorologist: "Todays forecast: no meteors. That's as much as my expertise provides."
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
I've wasted so much food because of the expression "out of the frying pan, into the fire".
Danny 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓭𝓸 retweeted
When our canoe caught fire my wife and I had a blazing row.
Adam @adamgreattweet
59K Followers 2K Following Dog owner but she doesn’t know I’m on here. Parody account. He/Him
Daveastated @Daveastated
7K Followers 1K Following Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words. *Inventor of the flinglong* I only sleep to give my phone a break
He Called Me Greenhor... @WhatsAGreenhorn
8K Followers 2K Following He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
20K Followers 4K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
name cannot be blank @toomanycommas3
28K Followers 7K Following just here to migrate old tweets to the good place fuck you if you voted for elon ✌️
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
25K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Bob Golen @BobGolen
42K Followers 26K Following Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
8K Followers 3K Following Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/qLDJZH3oFp
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
32K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫�... @Crazy_ButCute2
265K Followers 13K Following I lift things up and put them down. link in bio 💁🏼♀️ Lupus/Fibro warrior! Every day stronger 💪🏻❤️💯
3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2
7K Followers 2K Following mom to 3 rainbows and 6 angels. I'm totally winning at life, kinda.
Sprinkles the clown �... @fozzie4prez
3K Followers 2K Following we laughed, we cried, we went home happy.
𝑽𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒔 ... @Conchvegas1
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Trouble @troubleinheels1
10K Followers 5K Following An extrovert who’s just too tired to vert at all.
Lottie-pop 🍭 @Lottie_Poppie
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Benny, the Dirty Moch... @GotJbenny
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Destry @DestryBrod
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Dj Sexxxtreme Officia... @DjSexxxtreme
40K Followers 27K Following DJ Producer, Remixer, Radio Host, Adult Performer, Mixer of Adult Entertainment Parties AVN EXXXOTICA ⚠️ NSFW+18 only⚠️
DividendHunter🇺�... @Exouorlie811
46 Followers 2K Following 15-30% Monthly | 2 High-Conviction Stocks.Short-Term Gains: 15-20% in Days/Weeks.DM "JOIN" for WhatsApp Alerts. Live Trade Signals • Market Analysis
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161 Followers 3K Following
Boston Pup @DurtyPup
264 Followers 618 Following Partnered Pup in Boston. Just here for a good time (not a long time)
Raffa 🥸 @RaffaSaid
49 Followers 156 Following Vivir sin ser como hay que ser, diciendo soy como soy, no sé ser de otra forma y así he sido hasta hoy.
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0 Followers 12 Following
Corvin Reigar @corvinreigar
624 Followers 2K Following (he/him/his) Canadian Gen-X Indigenerd Active Rock DJ, Voice Actor, Gamer Host of Renegades Radio Online on https://t.co/9jJBorsF5n.corvinreigar
em jayy @emjayy1027
150 Followers 846 Following 31. mom. sometimes funny. have entirely too much random movie knowledge. bookworm.
Chip013 @jchaplin.bsk... @JasonRoss70
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generic caucasian mai... @cinnamon_dustin
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3 Followers 892 Following
🏈💛❤ChiefsChic... @tacobella_89
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8 Followers 85 Following
EL-TAWEL @ELTAWEL20
1 Followers 3K Following i am here to see freshly brewed content that cure my boredom.
ᴴᵉˡᵉⁿ ᴷⁱ... @_HelenKiller
467 Followers 2K Following ṡṭѧʏ ẇєıяԀ. 🔮✌🏻❥ ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ♪♬ ♏️☀️♓️🌙♎️⬆️ #horrorfam #scorpiofam ήşғώ 18+
dangerfloof @BrightsidesWife
4K Followers 4K Following life is love, joy, chaos, peace, humour and pain. artist. advocate for mental health, cptsd and autism 💙
The Red Rabbit @real_red_rabbit
972 Followers 2K Following I tweet a lot of song lyrics and shitpost memes. I take pics of the sky and mushrooms. This is mostly a therapy journal and for posting unhinged thoughts
Secured Capital Holdi... @SCHRSF
496 Followers 5K Following #Private #RealEstate #Equity #Repositioning #PrivateEquity #Distressed #Luxury #Principals & #experienced #negotiators. #Asset & #Financial #markets since 1986.
Kelvin Marcus William... @KelvinMarcusWi1
12 Followers 27 Following Hey guy's am kelvin from Australia am single with two kids a jet fighter with just a single life love to be with everyone but I wont tolerate scam reality 🥰
Osho Sharma @OshoDaVinci
22 Followers 573 Following In a mad world, only the mad are sane. ✍Graphic Designer | Digital Artist
Serah Mwihaki @mwihakiwanjeri
8K Followers 8K Following Ndi Mumbui wa Mbari ya Thumbi. Kidnapped https://t.co/MIDPoJaqM3. Shamba La Wanyama https://t.co/VraSkvEEQB UNBg
Mohamed @Mohamedtweet97
20 Followers 2K Following
David Savage @DavidSa82560157
84 Followers 207 Following 56 yr old, worked as a telecomms operator in the RAF. Came out in 91 with PTSD, been fucked up since
The Fledglings Contes... @The_Fledglings
2K Followers 952 Following 🐥 For accounts under 2K followers! 🐣 Contest runs Friday AM to …?? Avi/Header by @Invisichad
Astronomy Facts @astrofactual
586 Followers 424 Following Plain as the fake nose on Tycho Brahe's face 🌌 Facts curated by @Theropologist, resident astronomical fact-finder 🤡
Charlie @CharlieMcNeill_
231 Followers 822 Following So 10 years + later.. is no one gonna tell Fergi that humps aren’t normal for humans?
Paul Lamothe @PaulLamothe1
1K Followers 8K Following Retired PS, political junkie, journalist and outdoor enthusiast.
Mike 🇨🇦 🇬�... @EdgeOfInsane63
1K Followers 2K Following Long tweets. 🚫 Twitter Assholes. Married. Blocked by: @thefoodprofessor. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen! — Harry S. Truman
Hell @Hell83826318
0 Followers 7 Following
Stella kattam @StellaJeruto2
1K Followers 5K Following proud mum, entrepreneur,and absolutely unique just like everyone else.
Pray For Mojo @MonkeyPee2
824 Followers 4K Following How do blind people know when they can stop wiping?
Anna Juskowiak 💙�... @Annatheotherone
2K Followers 4K Following ☮️❤️💙 Get vaxxed!! Resist! Let's Progress #BlackLivesMatter #TeamModerna #IAMANTIFA #AnimalCaucus #CaucusCommunity 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊 #BlueCrew
Mad Hatter 🇮🇪 @MadlyHat
218 Followers 2K Following The maddest of hatters. All opinions are somebody else's.
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
56K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • threads • subscribe •
Adam @adamgreattweet
59K Followers 2K Following Dog owner but she doesn’t know I’m on here. Parody account. He/Him
Daveastated @Daveastated
7K Followers 1K Following Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words. *Inventor of the flinglong* I only sleep to give my phone a break
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
51K Followers 880 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. 🖕🏻🍊 (she/her)
Midge @mxmclain
33K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
He Called Me Greenhor... @WhatsAGreenhorn
8K Followers 2K Following He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
20K Followers 4K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
name cannot be blank @toomanycommas3
28K Followers 7K Following just here to migrate old tweets to the good place fuck you if you voted for elon ✌️
SneezingWithWetMascar... @WetMascara
18K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
25K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
16K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
tate @50FirstTates
34K Followers 577 Following just body after body busting out of shit wood and hittin pavement
Bob Golen @BobGolen
42K Followers 26K Following Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
45K Followers 2K Following contributor @scarymommy [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
8K Followers 3K Following Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/qLDJZH3oFp
Wolfmann 🇨🇦 @wolfmannjr
9K Followers 6K Following Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light. Some people need Michael Knight https://t.co/jRDoXPnZjm
August @AuggieInCharge
6K Followers 6K Following I do what I want. My tweets: https://t.co/6TvDN8oTCf
Owl Guy @OwlGuy4
2K Followers 5K Following 💡Sign Up for our Natural Gas Mining Training - https://t.co/Cx0ezIom87 👥Join the Midland Bitcoin MeetUp - https://t.co/wgrZvbDtTJ
Skol’d @youvebeenskold
4K Followers 4K Following Wears white after Labor Day. Get in, get out, get on with your life.
Luke @_UsernamesRHard
9K Followers 3K Following Dog person. Socially Awkward. I like to eat food. I can't fill this entire thing. My life sucks. #NHLBruins
Mark 🐧 @bigeby13
9K Followers 7K Following Dadness, outdoor adventures, nerd-jock loving/playing sports, Yamaha blue and Honda red, mental health and LGBQT ally, builder of roads and bridges!
🇺🇲Miss Sprinkle... @Sprinkles1969
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Lady Gooch @_ladygooch
24K Followers 9K Following Ever-underwhelmed •;• Outdoorsy AF •:• RBF GOAT 🏆 Karaoke Royalty •:• Not very friendly •:• 🚫 DMs •:•
Becca @Rebeccah_81
31K Followers 6K Following living vicariously through myself 🦋 lost in the music 🌬
Grant @UnicornUnbound
2K Followers 2K Following ‘prentice #hashtag gamer 🏴☠️ and adorer of Duende United FC...roch the wind...
💐🍁💐kewlchik3... @XKewlchik31
19K Followers 13K Following Momma bear🐻I LOVE hockey!🏒🥅#TimeToHunt I live for laughter!😁Book Lover📚Fibromyalgia Warrior💪Taurus♉️~Sapiosexual~👩🎓MOM 8/15/25💔🙏🏻
amylou @drinkerbelle4
53K Followers 6K Following 🍸🧚🏻♀️NSFW 😈 Brat. mean but funny. Tips very welcome https://t.co/t6Px76gW5u
☆Another Becca☆ @AnotherOleBebs
1K Followers 511 Following Host @GoodOleHashtags|Co-host @EarlyBirdTags & @TastelessTags|Main acct @Good_Ole_Bebs ~As she reached for the stars she longed for the Moon. 🌟🌙
Nope, It's Gone @Joust_A_Minute
4K Followers 4K Following Depression, anxiety, PTSD. Medicated. 🔞 There's no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humour with adult content. https://t.co/pS6RFiPf04
that girl @27starsandstuff
21K Followers 833 Following 💫Hoping to leave on a jet plane, catch a train, sail away and fly to the moon. I’ve also, always wanted to be a bird.
𝚃𝚑𝚎𝙶 @ibethebigG
3K Followers 4K Following The moon, the stars ... two things I couldn’t live without. 🌙💫
Notamused @Notamused15
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Jesse Warren @jessewarrenbruh
5K Followers 339 Following Ex SpaceX & Microsoft engineer. Cofounder @ https://t.co/9IxGYDWP1q.
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1K Followers 2K Following freak flag bearer, cheese lover, weirdos welcome. https://t.co/9MkvQj2kZK
Ladybird @InKairos
45K Followers 2K Following Actual Epidemiologist/Disease Detective. Here for funny, weird, kind, pretty, nerdy, &/or awkwardly sexy things. And dogs. Always dogs.
Amanda Johnson-McBrid... @Prettypinkpunk8
915 Followers 5K Following Hi! I'm Amanda from MI! $Hotpunkprincess is my cash app for donations to get me driving again, I need a road test and written test. plz help if u can!
Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer
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Seosamh @MrSocietyVEVO
247 Followers 329 Following 🇮🇪|✝️|🇻🇦| Don't mind me I am just waiting 🤠|#YuriWasRight|Follow @3Dog101
Cheowch @MtnCheowch
71 Followers 391 Following Just in case no one’s told you this today, you’re doing great.
Susan McAninch @susan_mcaninch
736 Followers 4K Following
FloatOn🎈☕️ @musicntats
27K Followers 14K Following 🇵🇷🇺🇲🇪🇸♉☀️/♑ 🌙/♈ ⬆️ #INFJ #BeKind #WeAllFloatOn #Thalassophile #LetsGoPens #RaiderNation #HereWeGo #Skol #MNTwins #BillsMafia #DirtyWater #SpacesHost
The Original JRod™ ... @originaljrod
3K Followers 3K Following High Tech Geek, MacGyver DIY'er, World Explorer, Foodie, Single Dad, Independent, Craft Beer Tester, Coffee addict. ** RELAX! most of my posts are just jokes **
That One Hateful B- @mommywhitfield
11K Followers 4K Following 'Let them eat cake,' she said, just like Marie Antoinette. @fatanddumb1984 supplies my orgasms
Kathy worries about y... @kathyann1010
469 Followers 586 Following Mom of three strong women that are smart and beautiful inside and out. I'm the grandma your nutritionist warned you about.
Lala @JpoLala
527 Followers 1K Following Fully grown adult using humor to cope. Here for the music, the cat pics & the lols.
var👀tski @varootski
3K Followers 2K Following • 🇵🇷 • UPRRP • presidente e guineo video • cineasta • productor/escritor pa BIOMBO ➡️ @biomboshow ⬅️ 🎙️unprofessional voice actor & illustrator ✍️
kenzi @kenzianidiot
72K Followers 4K Following posting my dads weekly agendas! im the marketing girl at @dropout & im funny (for a GIRL)| she/her
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