Sir Michael Take CBE @MichaelTakeMP
The former Conservative MP for Dorset East. 🇬🇧 Gussage All Saints, Dorset. Joined May 2020-
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It’s a jolly lovely day in the village today! And we’re all really busy, hunting migrants who are earmarked for Rwanda but are in hiding. Tally Ho! 🇬🇧
Great to see Victoria Atkins on TV today: Sincere Serious And with a slight whiff of WD40. Vicky squeaks out against traitor Dan Poulter. Then she reassures us about the NHS. She is our muffin Our trainer sock Our Joyce Grenfell Our jolly hockey stick. ❤️
A message to you lot in Scotland: I’ll bet you wish you had a strong effective leader like Rishi Sunak. As Humza Yousaf was leaving in tears, Rishi was performing his usual magic before finishing his coffee & stacking the dishwasher. Our Tommy Cooper.❤️🪄
Forget Stormy Forget Taylor Fast Forget Wrap & Shed Music. Remember these times? When bands were well groomed virgins. The men wore socks and the women adopted non twerking poses. No gyrations No moisture Just good honest songs about trees. Happy days.🙌
I❤️Chris Philp on #BBCLauraK explaining why he got muddled over Rwanda/Congo/UmBongo: -He couldn’t hear -He was in fact asking a rhetorical question -He was leaking sludge. Labour’s Des Streetwalking squirms as Chris hits him with the truth! Bravo Chris👏
I’m becoming concerned for Rishi Sunak. He’s started locking random men up in his flat at number 10, writing ransom demands on their spectacles and getting them to ring their constituency secretaries to send in the money. Worrying! #PocketSizedGrindr 😕
#bbcqt I’ve often thought Scotland & England are the same country. Thought Gary Lineker & Karl Marx are the same person. Thought tractors.com & pornhub are the same site. So give Tory MP Chris Philp a break. It’s such an easy mistake to make!😡
A pint of bitter A pint of lager A pint of cider A pint of milk(full creamed of course) A Brexit pint of wine A pint of jizz A pint of rizz Lots of great things come in pints. Including our Prime Minister Rishi a #PintSizedLoser? Hardly! He is a gorgeous pint of jizzed up beer!🇬🇧
Susan Hall is the new Liz Truss but free of fleas. Listen to Suzy: Her sharp mind cuts through the guff of Nick Safari. Precise Moist Jaunty And with a hint of sage & jojoba. Her crevices leak great news. This little lady WILL be the next Mayor of London👊
Happy St George’s Day!🏴 And today let us truly celebrate all that is English and we are proud of: Brexit Wetherspoons GB News Rwanda Jenny Agutter Rule Britannia Gesture Eggs Cars Grindr Tractors Boners Marzipan Dildos Fleas Les Dennis PopCon Lube Stacking Dishwashers Clams 🥳
The Channel 4 General Election team as I see it: A-No idea who she is but looks like a jeggings wearer B-Rod Stewart, Marxist pop singer C-Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Bloody useless at Tango D- Emily Maitlis, Moth. E-Alastair Campbell, blatantly too moist F-Claire Building, Cavapoo. 😡
HOW DARE Chris Packham the environmental Vorderist react like this!😡 Matt saved millions of lives He gave up the chance of being PM for love He’s a proven SAS soldier too. His moisture, His conkers, His sputum, His stiffened Wragg Is loved by so many.❤️
Rob Roberts Julian Knight Imran Khan Dave Warburton Neil Parish Chris Pincher Peter Bone Crispin Blunt William Wragg Mark Menzies All Tory MPs caught up in sex scandals. 🍆 Yes, one could say ‘A Tory wall of shame’ But ONLY ONE wall. Not TWO WHOLE HOUSES like Angela Rayner! 😡😤
Felt so sorry for Tory MP David Davies on #bbcqt last night: Bullied by Marxist Fiona Bruce Sneered at by Labour’s Bridget Phillipson (Good friend of Angela Rayner😡) Jeered at by a Northern Linekerist audience. David was both brave & dignified Bravo sir👏
Surely we must start REGULATING these online dating sites instead of blaming its victims. My❤️goes out to MPs Mark Menzies & William Wragg who have had to use these sites & suffered enormously. Something HAS to be done before even more innocent Tory MPs lose their careers! 😡
Laura Trott makes it REALLY CLEAR to Marxists Fred Balls & Susanna Reid: The lower rate of Inflation means prices are coming down even though they are in fact still going up. This means your food costs less even though the price of it is still increasing✅
Parody Rishi Sunak @Parody_PM
276K Followers 980 Following Just like the real Prime Minister, only honest and with £730million less in the bank. I survive on coffee – feel free to buy me one here ⬇️HENRY MORRIS @mrhenrymorris
199K Followers 6K Following 🇬🇧Retired Conservative MP I write funny things. The Diary of a Secret Royal is out now - https://t.co/Pkd8JIjWHN Rep @litagencygmcGET TORIES DONE - GEN.. @snb19692
232K Followers 8K Following SODEM. Fighting for our future. #ProportionRepresentation #ToriesOut. To help keep us going: https://t.co/E0IohD1SaN…Supertanskiii @supertanskiii
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46K Followers 683 Following Political analyst. Disenfranchised nomad. Accidentally endorsed by Nadine Dorries (ex) MP https://t.co/3sbI37GRmRChris Delaney @chris_delaney90
49K Followers 353 Following Full time Senior care worker, part time Tory-disliker! Help I'm trapped in a Reform held constituency until the next election! he/him #TorysOutBrendan May @bmay
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199K Followers 6K Following 🇬🇧Retired Conservative MP I write funny things. The Diary of a Secret Royal is out now - https://t.co/Pkd8JIjWHN Rep @litagencygmcGET TORIES DONE - GEN.. @snb19692
232K Followers 8K Following SODEM. Fighting for our future. #ProportionRepresentation #ToriesOut. To help keep us going: https://t.co/E0IohD1SaN…Supertanskiii @supertanskiii
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242K Followers 1K Following Working with political leaders to drive change 🌍 Supporting across: 🧠 Strategy ✍🏾 Policy 🔧 Delivery Always unlocking the power of tech@MichaelTakeMP There is a look of Joyce Grenfell about her. Without the humour.
@MichaelTakeMP I'm bringing my ferrets Michael chase the buggers out of the rabbit holes.
@MichaelTakeMP Is that how much a cappuccino will cost in a few years time?
@MichaelTakeMP Now now...don't be like that....at least like Hitler and Mussolini....Rishi, Cruella, Moggy and Bojo got the trains running on time ..... Oops, my mistake...mea culpa....they didn't even do THAT! Tik Tok Tik Tok....here comes Fishy Rishi 🤡.....rotting fr the head down ! 🤣
@MichaelTakeMP Can she squeak as loudly as Lizzie Cundy????????
@MichaelTakeMP @ZoeJardiniere Dear Sit Michael, you silly sausage. 🤪 That’s a recent photo of the Welcome Square at the Rwanda detainee centre in Kigali! 😂😂😂
@MichaelTakeMP @AndrewWalk8499 Moist, fecund, fragrant. The scent of freshly laid fertiliser, from the bullish rebuttal of world wide wokeness.
@MartinJohnStill @MichaelTakeMP @RoryStewartUK It's not Mr, it's Sir Mickey Take.
@MichaelTakeMP @RoryStewartUK Probably? Dear Sir Michael our dishy Rishi will definitely triumph. We are not going back to the meat tax and poison clams any time soon.
@MichaelTakeMP I remember having a Settlers poster on my bedroom wall. My father tore it down, saying that groups like that were bad influence. I told him that I had a right to be a rebel but he forbade it. That was very much the end of that!
@MichaelTakeMP For those not in the know, WD40 stands for water displacement formula - 40th attempt. Because on the 40th go, water was displacd! And hence history was changed and civilisation was able to move forwards, using WD40 to solve all mechanical and electrical issues with ease.
@MichaelTakeMP Rosie Holt MP is much more convincing @RosieisaHolt
@MichaelTakeMP Spotted two of those soap dodgers hiding at the top of the church tower. Sanctuary dosent count when the lords have voted.
@MichaelTakeMP Looks like an idyllic scene. Are you anywhere near that Jeremy Clarkson and his Diddly Squat farm? I bet he's a controversial figure in the area, with his loud mouth, pigs, goats and Lamborghinis?
@MichaelTakeMP Root out the dastardly forrin types Sir Michael! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
@MichaelTakeMP Same here Sir in the Cotswolds. We have given the foxes (those that are still alive) a day off. We have checked the council estate where the tattooed Lidl shoppers live with their numerous urchins. We are checking out one with a geordie accent as he is incoherent. I blame Corbyn.