Phoebe Bottoms @PhoebeBottoms
Comic/Writer/Henson Trained Puppeteer. Graduated from the Surgeon General's Ladies Academy of Manners and Tax Insurance Los Angeles/Minneapolis Joined August 2008-
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Had a nice supper with Pete and his handsome pal Chester. Dressed to the nines, that fella. A haircut you could set your watch to.
.@PhoebeBottoms (@adultswim; pro puppeteer; 4-time @CEfanfic champ), @RosebudBaker (@ComedyCentral), @LaughingVlad (@JimmyKimmelLive), and host @RemyKassimir (@HowCumPodcast) give you free bacon and perform #NYCStandup 3:00 pm at @TheStandNYC-Upstairs: "Bacon Bits Brunch" ($15)
11/19 we’re doing another Good God at @TheSultanRoom! The first 2 sold out, so get tix for this fast at TheSultanRoom.com
NEW EP w @PhoebeBottoms is MAGIC. Feral cat magic. Rosh Hashanah weddings. House on the Rock. Banjos. And what's the deal with that Target on Sunset & Western? @ericdadourian & @TheGilled host. 🎧 @ApplePodcasts apple.co/2HPqzXf 🎧 @Spotify spoti.fi/2Vd3roi
“Even TOMS is owned big Pharma”- @bornferal talking about toothpaste
When I’m waiting to go into an audition I psych out my competitors by quietly playing a long video of parrots swearing.
“Birds already build their own house. They’re called nests.”- Hank Hill 🙌🏼
The hot new Facebook alternative: calling your family
This is a fun way to ruin a bunch of friendships and also set your house on fire with too many shitty novelty lamps.
Fun fact: Ken Jennings’s learned everything he knows from drinking Snapple
The cool thing about being Jewish is that every room is a panic room 🤷🏻♀️
“No no no!! Mixed Chickens! I said come in on a Hot 8 Count! Learn the choreography!”- deli jazz dance instructor.
And in homes where hysterical wives had restricted access to frying pans and rolling pins.
And in homes where hysterical wives had restricted access to frying pans and rolling pins.
Comedy shows over 90 minutes should be charged with kidnapping and held accountable in federal court.
You want a goddamn blue ribbon school district? I’ll find you a condo in a fuckin blue ribbon school district. instagram.com/p/BsejIPhHHN7/…
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italian rights activi.. @italian_rights
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Jedi Tanker 🇺🇸 .. @Jeditanker19K
380 Followers 3K Following I drove both. AA&PI. The 🌎 isn't ⬛&⬜, it's many shades of gray.🛒🪖💪🏰🎵⛺📦⚽️🚸🦺🚍 Man is an animal, completely dependent on its natural environment. ~Vogl
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justine theresa @KerrFifi
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more money, less work.. @hlf_sodboy
281 Followers 1K Following high-value target — aspiring kept man — de-motivational speaker — ain’t none of y'all free of sin.
Adalat Bismillah @AdalatBismillah
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David Beauie @DavidBeauie
202 Followers 865 Following Born on Halloween. He/Him. #BlackLivesMatter #AbolishPolice
Rachel @UsePLR
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Fight Island @IslandFight
165 Followers 193 Following A podcast about fictional fights and the very real island where they happen. Hosted by @razorlou and @votesamwiles #fightisland #fightislandpod
Kliph Nesteroff @ClassicShowbiz
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MWAYS Productions @mwayscasting
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UNCKSL @UNCKSL
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Matt McCarthy @mccarthyredhead
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Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
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Megan Amram @meganamram
1.0M Followers 4K Following it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my mom
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77K Followers 3K Following Big time major standup comic. Tour dates @ the link below.
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President Joe Biden (.. @biden4pres
99K Followers 96 Following Hell, let’s run for president. By the by, this is not Joe Biden.
The Eastsider @TheEastsiderLA
29K Followers 308 Following Our Daily Digest newsletter delivers our latest stories plus additional content to your inbox on weekday mornings. Sign up below
Brad Wenzel @BradWenzel
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18K Followers 2K Following i'm just a girl, standing in front of a mob, asking it to love her
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29K Followers 1K Following The Original Rotisserie Experts, since 1985. For exclusive deals delivered straight to your inbox join our Rotisserie Rewards program👇
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Vicente Fox Quesada @VicenteFoxQue
1.5M Followers 511 Following 🇲🇽 Presidente de México de 2000 a 2006 y ahora trabajando por México desde @centrofox.
Ken Bone @kenbone18
142K Followers 560 Following That guy...you know, the one that was wearing red...I think he was like running for president or something. Views expressed are not those of my employer.
David Huntsberger @huntsbergerjunk
7K Followers 498 Following INTERCEPTS These Are Those Tapes Space Cave
Fernando Alfonso III @fernalfonso
4K Followers 2K Following senior supervising editor for digital news @NPR + adjunct faculty @morehouse
andy lassner @andylassner
442K Followers 2K Following Executive Producer - @JHudShow Previously @ellendegeneres show
Colin Hanks @ColinHanks
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John Roy @JohnRoycomic
6K Followers 1K Following 1 Kofta Kabob plate and a side of two falafels, please. And a Pepsi.
Bustle @bustle
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Jon Favreau @jonfavs
1.4M Followers 2K Following The other one. @PodSaveAmerica, @CrookedMedia, https://t.co/mKXKFl0EF4, https://t.co/zvWhe0ETFEWas I around ants more when I was a kid or did I just get taller?
These, “minion” things. They’re awful
Ann Coulter simply does not exist. She was made up, a made up thing to scare kids into drinking water
Mark my words: you can freeze fresh spinach. Use it wherever.
I just gently & lovingly encouraged someone to fill out their ballot (so happens they voted for @BernieSanders) & mail it in. ✊🏼🗳❤️
America needs a grandfather for president. I’m not foolin’. Let America ride the lawnmower, take ‘em for pontoon rides. Watch satellite television. Keep ‘em suspicious of the neighbor fellow. We’re in bed by 9 pm.
Look: protestors, just, could you just write me a note? Write me a note, pass it up here. I’ll read it. Out loud, if that’s fine by you. Or not. Either way. Just, you don’t start with yelling. You start with the note; and if we end up yelling, then that’s how that went
Dinosaurs. The indisputable fact, indisputable, is that lizards roamed the earth. I won’t tell you it doesn’t mesmerize me. Truly, wild stuff, this stuff. It applies to the here and now, it’s likely. Might be time to think about it.
It’s International Women’s Day. Women have been, they’ve been giving men a run for their money for years now. Today, let’s pick up the phone, give one of ‘em a call, and say something nice.
What sounds better, you tell me: big, sweeping structural changes? Or nuanced, incremental adjustments over the course of a century? The ball is in your court, voters.
If the system is so broken, then how did I get here
Hell Americans can’t wait for a revolution, they can’t even wait for a pizza to get delivered. Government is in a fine mess, a professional mess. We must sort’ it out slow-like. Too fast you might spook it, chase it away. Like a, like a deer, or a nice gal
You catch, here's what it is, you catch more flies with honey. But you catch a lot of flies, a lot, with a mixture of honey and trash. Rotten meats, this sort of thing. There's a lesson in there, I'll be figgled if I know what it is, but there you have it.
Let’s get me elected, just for the hell of it
Here’s the fact of the matter: I’ve done things in past years I wouldn’t do now. Water polo. Working with Paul Ryan. That’s old hat. It’s how the world works, is the thing. Once I’m in office, hell, your guess is as good as mine
Ernie Sanderson. Look - I know he's promising a free pat on the head and a trip to Sea World for all six billion Americans. A hard bargain. Hard to beat. But let's be realistic: if something's getting done in Washington in less than three years, something has gone terribly wrong
There was a time, and this was years ago, Barry and I found ourselves in this abandoned bathroom chained to pipes. Hand to God. One hacksaw between the two of us. Hot fires forge strong steel, I'll tell you
Had a nice supper with Pete and his handsome pal Chester. Dressed to the nines, that fella. A haircut you could set your watch to.
James Carville promised me he’d knock me right in the jaw with a pipe. I’m waitin Jimbo. I’m good and ready, swamp thing
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