haunted google docs @aarpcp
I am here to make jokes and be nice New Jersey, USA Joined January 2018-
Tweets54
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Following98
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Likes440
Baby Hitler Baby Hitler Goin back in time to kill Baby Hitler Baby Hitler Baby Hitler Stab him in his crib Baby Hitler
Fortnite
Checking my phone to see if anything new has happened
1 week til Halloween: I won't dress up. So much effort & money, and for what? 12 hours til Halloween: [at Michaels, the 9th store I've visited that day, grabbing the cashier by the collar, my savings account dwindling] If I don't look EXACTLY like the ISLAND from LOST, I'll DIE.
People who say they know what "hubris" means have this kind of...I don't know how to put it.
[doctor’s office] Me: I need to know what my inner fetish animal is Doctor: *checking clipboard* Says here you came in for a sonogram? Me: Yes Doctor: Me: Fursonagram
@notviking The Future is Neigh
Rod is short for Rodbert
Pam is short for Pamantha
Dick is short for Dichard
good morning ma'am good afternoon ma'pm
Theory: the horse with no name was actually Jack and Diane in a horse costume
My advice for dealing with haters? Kill them with kindness. They’ll never expect you to have a sword named Kindness.
[me singing to death row inmates on graduation day] 🎶it’s something unforgivable, and in the end you die/I hope you had the crime of your life🎶
This girl from my hometown just named her baby Brogan and everyone just let it happen
neighbors: [having loud sex] me: HEY [pounding on wall] FUCK HARDER
BblythePeacock @a9BYr8J7q3HIVWc
0 Followers 34 Following
Phena @Phena4613262929
35 Followers 2K Following
Melissa Brodberg @MelissaBrodberg
0 Followers 18 Following
paula rager @iteach225
49 Followers 489 Following
Crypto News @AbdulWa53701310
619 Followers 5K Following Cryptocurrency market, Blockchain technology, Bitcoin investments, Altcoin analysis, Digital assets, Crypto trading strategies, Ethereum news, Decentralized fin
PurpleBlinkfox @purpleblinkfox
162 Followers 613 Following Gaming girl and general geek. Currently Hearthstone obsessed. Warning: may contain the occasional vent. She/her They/them 🏳️🌈
Justin Cider @PantsDonkey
96K Followers 98K Following Comedy all Day Everyday. @Pantsdonkey CEO and Owner of https://t.co/cOT4yj2CoM The rest just ask.
Gianna Volpe @agentjanefox
545 Followers 576 Following Award-winning photojournalist, radio personality, stand-up comic wannabe novelist/filmmaker & wanderer of the world’s woods.🔥🎙💁♀️✨💖
LoneJuggernaut @LoneJuggernaut
420 Followers 5K Following Educator. DEIJ. Researching Punk Spaces and Subcultures. Contributing writer for Cvlt Nation. XVX. He/They. The University of Arizona. Tufts University.
Seamus Fujiyama @SatindiDotCom
2K Followers 3K Following
The Huge Chill @1apointe
313 Followers 2K Following A Lapointe • they/she • video editor (vice, buzzfeed) • check out my twitter account: @1apointe
Zechariah Young @Xzenozik
127 Followers 154 Following
PurpleBlinkfox @purpleblinkfox
162 Followers 613 Following Gaming girl and general geek. Currently Hearthstone obsessed. Warning: may contain the occasional vent. She/her They/them 🏳️🌈
Luke 𓅃 @taxesndeath
1K Followers 1K Following protect trans children | @wokesco1d for original thoughts
Cool Box Art @CoolBoxArt
145K Followers 189 Following Cool and fun video game box art, promo material, etc. brought to you by @87th and @letshugbro FAQ: https://t.co/zbPv9RfmOv
Saoirse @Saaoirse
223 Followers 553 Following No. 1 May Morris stan | embroidery, food, illustration & socialism | she/her
Borscht the T is sile.. @InternetHippo
343K Followers 277 Following
Beth McColl @imbethmccoll
130K Followers 1K Following writer at writing. podcaster @ Everything Is Content. my first book How To Come Alive Again is out now. writing enquiries: [email protected] she/her
Justin Cider @PantsDonkey
96K Followers 98K Following Comedy all Day Everyday. @Pantsdonkey CEO and Owner of https://t.co/cOT4yj2CoM The rest just ask.
Gianna Volpe @agentjanefox
545 Followers 576 Following Award-winning photojournalist, radio personality, stand-up comic wannabe novelist/filmmaker & wanderer of the world’s woods.🔥🎙💁♀️✨💖
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
Seamus Fujiyama @SatindiDotCom
2K Followers 3K Following
LoneJuggernaut @LoneJuggernaut
420 Followers 5K Following Educator. DEIJ. Researching Punk Spaces and Subcultures. Contributing writer for Cvlt Nation. XVX. He/They. The University of Arizona. Tufts University.
☢️ Captain Antago.. @AnOrangeSNES
10K Followers 1K Following This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. Nothing valued is here.
Darla @ddsmidt
38K Followers 13K Following I don't take any of this nonsense too seriously. Here's a link to my tweets: https://t.co/GSnadPOMAS
Danny @Roche0000
9K Followers 10K Following
your bff alex @psybermonkey
13K Followers 1K Following I don't know what I'm doing but I hope you like it. Follow me on Instagram and Venmo.
Abbie @AbbieEvansXO
19K Followers 508 Following Writer of queer fantasy. SPFBO finalist. In lieu of dick pics please send dog pics.
Alexandra Erin | patr.. @AlexandraErin
44K Followers 1K Following Tentatively back, not very active. Follow me on Patreon ( https://t.co/mCPUYMru6e ) to keep up with me - you can follow for free under ... menu!
You know @Tmoney68
23K Followers 4K Following You know that guy your mother warned you about? Yeah, that's not me. I'm actually pretty great.
Lindsay @Rollinintheseat
16K Followers 4K Following Hi, I'm Lindsay. I use a wheelchair to get around most of the time. Most of my tweets are about life from the sitting down perspective.
chuuch @ch000ch
199K Followers 469 Following
pixelatedboat aka “.. @pixelatedboat
305K Followers 879 Following Playboy Magazine’s 8th funniest Twitter account of 2015. Read my comics on IG https://t.co/skcDJtp4gE. Mostly posting on bluesky now.
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4
Joel Kim Booster @ihatejoelkim
149K Followers 1K Following editor in chief @nytimes. my wife is missing.
Hend Amry @LibyaLiberty
240K Followers 4K Following blue check was free - I am an international crouton. 🐘 https://t.co/icOYFrComT ✴️ https://t.co/scTdFKwg8F
Jesse McLaren @McJesse
1.1M Followers 1K Following Board Certified Comedy Writer. Didn't pay for Twitter Blue, just cursed.
Im @leftatlondon on o.. @LeftAtLondon
192K Followers 847 Following CEO of @ChickFilA. Nat Puff, Left at London, /@/. she/her. 1/2 of @WOW_OK_MUSIC. Updates: @LAL_Updates. @leftatlondon every other social media website as well.
alex norris @sillyalexnorris
341K Followers 1K Following 💖 queer welsh artist (they/them) 💖 “oh no” comics 💖 new book HOW TO LOVE out now! 💖
Ghoulia Murdery💋�.. @jlouisemurray
357 Followers 1K Following i think ive hated every bio ive ever had... BLM, She/Her, ♊☀️♓🌕♎⬆️
“What about straight pride” first of all, toyotathon is coming up
Why was every mom in the 90's a realtor. It was the golden time of shoulder padded blazer companies
PLUMBER: So your pipes were clogged with Gillette razors, Nike socks, and Keurig K-cups. Does your son by any chance like to— MOM: He likes to own the libs, yes.
do u ever pretend ur tv remote is a magic wand and say a spell before u change the channel haha me neither that’d be so stupid lol
Question: when you go back in time to kill Hitler and then you kill Hitler, do you also disappear because once you kill Hitler there was no reason for you to go back in time to kill Hitler
@punished_picnic Ranma 1/2: White Orchid Serenade as a 7-season epic on HBO with the last season drawn out and kinda not good
i want a baby in the sense i want to “have” a “baby” but not in the sense i would like to have a baby even slightly at all. do u understand
hey thanks for dm’ing me a post from that meme account on instagram thats private so i couldn’t see it and had to get you to screenshot the post and send it to me and it ended up just being a screenshot of a viral tweet that i saw on twitter 3 days ago
Ricky Gervais & Louis C.K.
At Starbucks Lil Wayne is known as Tall Wayne
SON: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school ME: What's that? SON: A big building with lots of kids
[Restaurant] Waiter: “Do you have any room for dessert?” Me: *thinking of my secret cake room* “What have you heard?”
Hey in 2019 could we start using “their” instead of “his or her” in writing and shit
48 year old man. forty eight. four decades and eight years. born 1970. 48.
Ariana Grande is 27 acts 12, you take off those boots she hides her legs in, the cat eye make up and the genie pony tale and I think there’s hotter women working the counter at Starbucks no disrespect to Starbucks. New @iamrapaport is Live: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/i-a…
Thanks to @MarfSalvador for inspiring today's comic! 😀 OT: x.com/marfsalvador/s…
[calling my ex] me: hey so I really hate how I left things with you her: aww me too babe me: so... yeah... can I come pick them up?
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