Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning

my tweets: https://t.co/99Q1ViKGia Joined March 2009

Tweets

68K
Followers

10K
Following

4K
Likes

69K

Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning

9 years ago

Chairs are pretty great. You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.

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Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence

a year ago

Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough

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Jack Boot @IamJackBoot

2 years ago

Hungry Hungry Hippos was a tragic game. They weren't actually hungry, it was emotional eating. It was a cry for help but we just laughed and laughed.

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rob delaney @robdelaney

a year ago

It’s official. I have type 2 diarrhea

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Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO

a year ago

Bug repellent doesn't kill them, but it does give them the knowledge of good and evil.

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Dreamer @ElgatoEsmio

a year ago

I feel really claustrophobic when I’m stuck inside my head

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octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman

7 years ago

My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.

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your other mom @difficultpatty

a year ago

She died doing what she loved: circling the Trader Joe’s parking lot, looking for a parking space.

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Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke

a year ago

Someone said bye to me and i accidentally said bye-bye so i punched myself in the face

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Martin Pilgrim @MartinPilgrim1

a year ago

I'm spending today at the third day of a three day antiques fair. I waited until the third day because I wanted the antiques to be as old as possible.

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.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin

a year ago

there’s no way i could live my life as salma hayek and not take advantage of selling kayaks.

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Buddawiggi @MarkBuckawicki

a year ago

Always toss my hat in the room first just to see what happens

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Jason, ex inferis @benedictsred

a year ago

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

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Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning

8 years ago

If you can pin an animal in the petting zoo down for a three count, you get to take it home.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler

a year ago

I just ate $35 worth of Taco Bell before entering this escape room. We’re getting out one way or another.

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Cat From Nowhere @kv8

a year ago

I just found a hidden popsicle so it's fine. Everything is fine.

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Pasta Fazool @chrisdowning

a year ago

I know a guy who used to always say if you need more than one square of toilet paper to wipe, you need to see a doctor. It would have been more compelling if he didn’t always smell like shit.