Danny Chelmsford @dannscorp
Live. Laugh. Love. Wave. Chew. Swim. Catapult. Scream. favstar.fm/users/dannscorp London, England Joined October 2015-
Tweets395
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Followers51
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Following188
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Likes326
The equine version of Pokemon Go needs some work -
Distraught after losing a full carton of milk, I tattooed its photo on my kid's face, in hope someone recognizes and returns it.
As well as replacing their lead singer, AC/DC will also be backed by an orchestra from now on. Finally they'll have a conductor.
[watching documentary about volcanos] Presenter: Fuck me, these chimneys are angry
Tiffany: I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around. Me: *Lets out huge fart* Thanks Tiff!
Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house? Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX
the voice bellows,ＩＦ ＹＯＵＲＥ ＨＡＰＰＹ & ＹＯＵ ＫＮＯＷ ＩＴ ＣＬＡＰ ＹＯＵＲ ＨＡＮＤＳ. the world falls silent. a child begins to clap but her mother stops her
Imagining Kanye shouting each of his tweets at the water slide attendent just before launching himself down makes them a lot more fun.
THERAPIST: Why do you think some people don't like you? CAT: *just knocking everything off the shelves* I really don't know
I nearly crashed my car today when I remembered Flavor of Love was an actual thing.
It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets really dry knees and elbows.
Making the heart shape with your hands is the universal signal for I am devoid of any soul.
I got arrested by the grammar police but the judge released me. He said punishing me would be a waste as I couldn't complete any sentence.
Asking for a friend. He found this on his wife's phone. She told him this is Zumba. Is that true?
Sure, I miss grandma. But she's up there protecting us. *looks up to the sky where my grandma is in a jet fighting aliens*
I'm confident, but I'll never be 'cat showing everyone its butt hole' confident.
[Principal's office] I'm afraid Matty dunked on his coach today "OMG is he OK?" He's pretty shook up. His wife left him when she found out..
MURDERER: could a murderer do THIS? *defendant proceeds to not kill anyone* JUDGE: he's got a point
Kyleeerotic @afanasiibragin1
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Joe “Cheery” Lear... @joetleary
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G. A. P. @G_A_P_2015
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|||@®+!π @drfarkkend
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JOHNNY KAUFMAN @pdxjohnny99
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G. A. P. @G_A_P_2015
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some kind of grown up @mess_of_petals
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