Danny Chelmsford @dannscorp
Live. Laugh. Love. Wave. Chew. Swim. Catapult. Scream. favstar.fm/users/dannscorp London, England Joined October 2015-
Tweets395
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Followers51
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Following188
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Likes326
Distraught after losing a full carton of milk, I tattooed its photo on my kid's face, in hope someone recognizes and returns it.
As well as replacing their lead singer, AC/DC will also be backed by an orchestra from now on. Finally they'll have a conductor.
[watching documentary about volcanos] Presenter: Fuck me, these chimneys are angry
Tiffany: I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around. Me: *Lets out huge fart* Thanks Tiff!
Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house? Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX
the voice bellows,IF YOURE HAPPY & YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS. the world falls silent. a child begins to clap but her mother stops her
Imagining Kanye shouting each of his tweets at the water slide attendent just before launching himself down makes them a lot more fun.
THERAPIST: Why do you think some people don't like you? CAT: *just knocking everything off the shelves* I really don't know
I nearly crashed my car today when I remembered Flavor of Love was an actual thing.
It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets really dry knees and elbows.
Making the heart shape with your hands is the universal signal for I am devoid of any soul.
I got arrested by the grammar police but the judge released me. He said punishing me would be a waste as I couldn't complete any sentence.
Sure, I miss grandma. But she's up there protecting us. *looks up to the sky where my grandma is in a jet fighting aliens*
I'm confident, but I'll never be 'cat showing everyone its butt hole' confident.
[Principal's office] I'm afraid Matty dunked on his coach today "OMG is he OK?" He's pretty shook up. His wife left him when she found out..
MURDERER: could a murderer do THIS? *defendant proceeds to not kill anyone* JUDGE: he's got a point

Kyleeerotic @afanasiibragin1
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Joe “Cheery” Lear... @joetleary
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Nancy Shepard @Lovosville
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M A @llaaa_m
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Koroviev @UniqueUser2000
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G. A. P. @G_A_P_2015
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ketona osteen tate @bamagirl4u2
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Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
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Enchantress @godEnchantress
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B#FFday Bumps @BirfdayBumps
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Meowee Zowee @meoweezowee
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candlessss @candelllls
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Abbey Perkins @_abbeyonce
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Penesaurus_Sex @LordBaldomer0
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dan sheppard @ashenfaced
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|||@®+!π @drfarkkend
697 Followers 351 Following I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
JOHNNY KAUFMAN @pdxjohnny99
25K Followers 21K Following You can learn a lot about a person by reading their bio. https://t.co/PysKNT1bwe https://t.co/7z9w6ijSOI?![The home of 100% scientifically accurate facts, cool science shit, sometimes math, and an online shrine to Bill Nye our savior. [All hailllll Bill]](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/656962776779218944/Tqalr2kE.jpg)
Science 'n stuff @Science__101
113 Followers 1K Following The home of 100% scientifically accurate facts, cool science shit, sometimes math, and an online shrine to Bill Nye our savior. [All hailllll Bill]
Chick Playing4Second @Playing4Second
25K Followers 18K Following My Adjectives: Bitchy, Dorky, Tired ..... I just want to look like my Netflix profile pic.
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Sara Jessica Holla @sarajholla
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Keep it 100 @Keepit100News
102 Followers 338 Following A weekly socially interactive show that sometimes talks about news and always keeps it 100. Starring comedians @jmscomedy and @danamoonme
Sara of House Lash @_spetty
22K Followers 36 Following I check my heart rate after putting a pair of tight pants on just to keep myself humble. (she/her)
ye @kanyewest
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Aaron Chrenen @Chrenen
49K Followers 363 Following Self-Proclaimed American Storyteller & Co-Creator of Ginger Orphan Playhouse.
Joe “Cheery” Lear... @joetleary
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EXTRAHEAVEN @EXTRA_H3AV3N
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Frankie Boyle Updates @frankieboyle
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G. A. P. @G_A_P_2015
136 Followers 598 Following Gay Appearance Positivity! We're a page dedicated to changing how gay men everywhere view themselves! Positivity is our aim, love yourself for who you are!
beaker @bea_ker
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Doug Bies @dougbies
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ŵ͂̌́͝͡ylde d̵�... @flashember
12K Followers 400 Following the immortal wildebeest clatters on and on and on /avi by @fro_vo header by @DocHackenbush
Duke Max “Carnival ... @mynameisntdave
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Pat Pujolas @patpujolas
349 Followers 728 Following Author. Creative director. Man of wealth and taste. Minus the taste. And the wealth. Let me start over.
KattsDogma @KattsDogma
9K Followers 709 Following avi by Picasso. header by Benjamin Moore. https://t.co/E819hK5ngm OR ➡️ https://t.co/0eeKwH89F4
some kind of grown up @mess_of_petals
8K Followers 1K Following Is this thing on mute, or am I just mundane?
Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
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emma 🤘🏻🤍 @emma67450
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brandAn is good @LeBearGirdle
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Meowee Zowee @meoweezowee
956 Followers 2K Following Many of the cats featured are available if you're in the Toronto, Canada area. All would make fine masters. Just be cool if a dog shows up on here.
candlessss @candelllls
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sonofamochi @theblindlemon
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