eEric @ericsshadow

I do the best tweets x.com/search?q=from:… Bux/Mont Joined December 2012

Tweets

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Following

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eEric @ericsshadow

7 months ago

One of my kids must have stepped on a crack.

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eEric @ericsshadow

12 years ago

I don't think Alexander Graham Bell intended for us to watch porn over the telephone.

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eEric @ericsshadow

a year ago

My wife wants to join a cross training gym but she’s not sure if it’ll be too much for her so I suggested she start off slowly by turning off all the lights before she goes to bed.

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eEric @ericsshadow

a year ago

Seems like just yesterday I was reading instructions on how to open a box of wine and now I can open it with one hand in the car.

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Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42

a year ago

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store

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eEric @ericsshadow

10 years ago

NASA: you've been selected to spend a year on the space station ME: wow that's awesome NASA: you and your entire family! ME: oh ok no thanks

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eEric @ericsshadow

7 years ago

30 days has September April June and November All the rest have 31 Except January which has 4,000

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eEric @ericsshadow

9 years ago

People say I'm a terrible father, but when my four year old broke his collar bone, who's the guy that dropped him off at the emergency room?

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eEric @ericsshadow

10 years ago

Parenthood: When you make enough money to live an exciting, comfortable, stress free life, but decide to have kids instead.

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eEric @ericsshadow

2 years ago

Wouldn’t it make more sense to watch what you want on Netflix then cancel and get Max then cancel and get Disney and so on… instead of paying for 7,000,000 shows at the same time.

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eEric @ericsshadow

2 years ago

tv apps cost 15.99 per month then want to charge you 4.99 to watch home alone

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uncle mom @mayamanion

2 years ago

They say motherhood is the hardest job on earth. Not the way I do it.

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eEric @ericsshadow

2 years ago

boss: this company is more profitable than ever me: how about a raise? boss: sorry i have to take this call me: your phone isn’t ringing boss: [fakes heart attack]