The Underwhelmer @grasshopper09er
psuedo intellectual potty mouth...NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENDED http://t.co/iiXTbd1Mf9 where there be monsters Joined December 2009-
Tweets8K
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Followers2K
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Following3K
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Likes95K
A whole Ben Affleck, won't even get you half an Ed Burns.
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The Underwhelmer retweeted
Sorry, coconut water. I was expecting something that tasted a lot more like Mounds and less like watery snot.
The Underwhelmer retweeted
Lame. - me as a therapist
You know that one guy that never refills the ice tray? Fuck that guy!
The Underwhelmer retweeted
I'm no expert but if you want to grasp surrealism, look at Dali's "The Persistence of Memory" or that SpongeBob ep starring David Hasselhoff
The Underwhelmer retweeted
Old fitness goal: Exercise and lose 30 pounds New fitness goal: Get this jogging bra off without using scissors
The Underwhelmer retweeted
Mancard? I think I lost that in 1997 when I bought Robyn's "Show me love" single on compact disk at the Tower Records in the mall.
The Underwhelmer retweeted
I tried dieting for about ten minutes, but now I'm just trying to fatten up the neighbors so I'll look thinner.
An Academy Awards montage of the deceased, from the past 12 months, starring my failed relationships.
The Underwhelmer retweeted
Whisper to the woman in front of you in the checkout lane, "You're buying ingredients for a spell, aren't you?" Then wink like Gary Cooper.
The Underwhelmer retweeted
SWATHS • Is yours vast enough? • Celebs dish on cutting wide ones
The Underwhelmer retweeted
For sale: adult hood, never worn
Reporter ~ If elected, what would follow your deportationion of all Muslims? Trump ~ All non-billionaires would be next, because...EWW!
It was probably my insistence on wearing socks & sandals that turned her off. That, or my laundry list of STDs.
It turns out, chicks aren't really into dudes sitting at the bus stop. I know that now.
With age comes the inevitable difficulties of recollection. Things such as; previous addresses, teachers' names, OH, and my virility.
Hasn't Adelle ever heard of Prozac? KIDDING! Of course she hasn't.
If I had my glasses, I might be able to find my glasses.
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Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
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4K Followers 3K Following Humble but I never feel inferior🤔 If I just followed you, you'd probably be my friend in real life. I fb. 41 & bout business 👩👧👦🇺🇸🇯🇲🇵🇦🏁
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21K Followers 16K Following After years of being locked out of my account I’m finally able to get back on.Married to an incredible lady. Now days I’m at https://t.co/xCH4B7PQhe on Bluesky
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