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Tweets67
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Followers7K
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Following8K
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Likes1K
Mr. President, if these Tinder profiles are to be believed, then all we really have is an epidemic of childhood CURVINESS
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In an act of reconciliation, I'd like to take the first step: I've had the great pleasure of masturbating to both Betty White and the dear departed Queen. Let the healing begin...
A clown pulled a quarter out of my ear at my nephew's birthday party, but I can't find the right tax form to declare it @HRBlockAnswers
Here's a neat little trick to shut those annoying atheists in your life up once and for all: stop believing in nonsense
"I've tried EVERYTHING to help my asthma: acupuncture, Chinese herbs, homeopathy, chiropractors..." No, you've tried every kind of NOTHING
Days I'm sick each year: 5-7 Days I'm probably just lying about being sick cuz I'd rather watch Netflix than hang out with you: 358-360
If Word-A-Day Calendars really worked, people would call them Diurnal Locution Agendas
Socializing without alcohol was the first extreme sport
So glad they made these talking crosswalks so I can look at my phone even more. They should do something like this for blind people!!
I'm not religious for the same reason I don't take medical advice from Jenny McCarthy
Baby-proofing your house is a must for any new parent But be warned: those crafty little fuckers will find a way back in somehow
NURSE: You know where you are? OLD MAN: I'm in the jungle baby! I'm gonna die NURSE: Not only does he not have dementia, he's cool as shit
Murder is the only area of life where proper planning is frowned upon
What's crazy is I actually did end up fucking a dog today, but it was completely unrelated to same sex marriage
Not only do I support same-sex marriage, I won't rest until every gay couple owns a bicycle built for two!
The Selfie Stick: the world's first extendable birth control
Conservatives are upset that Bruce Jenner identifies as a woman. I guess I get it. I'm bothered that Bill O'Reilly identifies as a human
Chad Opitz @chadopitz
16K Followers 14K Following Stand up comic by night/protecting Rick Moranis also by night Instagram: @chadopitz
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
55K Followers 48K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
Bob Kostic @causticbob
196K Followers 201K Following 1...., Computer nerd, chocoholic, pizzaholic, scifi, B5, horror, science, classic rock, fitness, owned by 2 cats, i tweet a lot!
Trey @treydayway
44K Followers 5K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
54K Followers 48K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
✨WendyDarling✨ @wendchymes
34K Followers 7K Following I sleep in a bed of cats and lost dreams 🌈💕🌈 💕🌈💕🌈https://t.co/6aPZ73Zq9E
Hal O' be thy name. @Halbeerz
16K Followers 13K Following Polar bear whisperer. Weed whore. Merkin model.
The Clarty Plodger. �... @Prince_Madness1
166K Followers 150K Following The Maker of Madness. The Word Acrobat. The People’s Poet. The Dark Poet. The Painter of Pictures. © https://t.co/38l7gsyjIZ
Jesse Fernandez @JesseFernandez
71K Followers 50K Following Instructs comedy @Google | Wrote for award-winning #Newsbroke on @ajplus, TED Talks, @OnionGamers, @WordsWFriends game show
John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
17K Followers 9K Following This mind intentionally left blank. https://t.co/n3wD8D0ICA
Ivsy @Ivsy01
38K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
71K Followers 15K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundation
Envy @envydatropic
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SamInspired @SamInspired
22K Followers 24K Following Justice for Gabby Petito 🦋 & Daniel Robinson 🌎 https://t.co/tsqV6flKKf Foodie/Poet/Writer/Empath/Virgo/Detective. No DMs, unless you are #RyanGosling
Algonquin K Farquhar,... @buddhatree
4K Followers 4K Following Hull C Pilot - #StarCitizen referral code: STAR-XJ4P-LCCY https://t.co/2g8D0mYC67
Paul Lander @paul_lander
41K Followers 40K Following Professional Comedy Writer/Producer. If it requires a noun, a verb and laughter I've done it. Won a few awards to give my Mom stuff to talk about with family.
Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56
15K Followers 13K Following Grandpa, outdoorsman, dad joker, beer drinker extraordinaire. My top tweet is coming out tomorrow. #EnvyDaStrength #LuvPug #BlessTheBlueEyedBoy
DividendHunter🇺�... @Worsax4291621
49 Followers 2K Following 15-30% Monthly | 2 High-Conviction Stocks.Short-Term Gains: 15-20% in Days/Weeks.DM "JOIN" for WhatsApp Alerts. Live Trade Signals • Market Analysis
michelle @michell08251089
22 Followers 196 Following Pioneer Wealth: Prof. Matthew’s AI + finance pros boost profits! Free 1st month. AI scans data, experts guide stocks/crypto. Click to join now!
Greg Flores @GregFlores55194
140 Followers 1K Following
Dudja™ @TheRealDudja
89K Followers 32K Following Tragedy In The Making “Up” is Downloadable Now https://t.co/EvOGhWiKuP
Greg @Pinche_Goyo_
130 Followers 1K Following
maggie gutierrez @maggie29601
18 Followers 187 Following I'm quiet, enjoy Spanish music, movies. I love dogs and cats (cats being my favorite).
Rod Zencones 🎸 @RodZencones
287 Followers 443 Following Old school rocker who laughs at dad jokes and loves #horror movies, #guitars and pizza. I also talk politics. Pragmatic, conservative.
Rachel @Rachel80530084
140 Followers 6K Following 😁🦁 I'm Rachel!😃 Нere is mу album and my nакed рictuге!)) Vоtе foг mе, bаby:❤️ https://t.co/bVpnuX3fgT
.Mike.MAC. @Mr_iSwag_
10K Followers 11K Following Anthropomorphic Cat (He/Him/Male/Mr/Man/Lad/Guy/Fella/Brother/Boy/Guy/Dude/Sir)
John Lincoln @johnelincoln
157K Followers 65K Following CEO of Ignite Visibility, one of the top performance digital marketing agencies in the USA and a 6x Inc. 5000 company
mystical ✨ therapy @vibetherapy
125 Followers 386 Following ✨multidimensional intuitive✨ i am a student as much as i am a teacher. she/her 18+ DM for astrology reading offers.
Overly CRITical @SalemofEld
1 Followers 66 Following
Dockee @Kavedog69
511 Followers 726 Following
Pedro Delecto @brakos21
707 Followers 1K Following
Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka
11K Followers 4K Following Welcome to my page. No one can hear you scream from here. *** Some of my tweets:https://t.co/CL0jMk4bGk
Myles 🇨🇦 @myles_morrison
5K Followers 6K Following Tweeting without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. New comedy album out now | https://t.co/qfo0h2pgEm
Adam Stephenson @AdamSte05607852
63 Followers 299 Following Realtor for RE/MAX "All Stars" in Roanoke, VA
Nighthowl13 @lncvach13
158 Followers 2K Following We are the granddaughters of the witches you were never able to burn
RachelRachel @RachelTurnham
2K Followers 3K Following Sharing my tranquil insanity. Lost in Gosport, following Spurs, reading a lot & scaring myself with horror movies. Catholic. Current number of dogs: 2
Dr. Marvin Dunn @MarvinDunn4
18K Followers 5K Following Former naval officer. Historian, author, progressive Democrat. Has published extensively in African American history.
Ben (THIS IS A BACK U... @BenQuadinarosII
28 Followers 202 Following IF I JUST FOLLOWED YOU IT MEANS YOU ALREADY FOLLOW ME BUT ON MY OTHER ACCOUNT BEFORE I LOST IT SO PLS FOLLOW BACK IN CASE I DON'T GET IT BACK, THANKS
MisoSilly @SeiYoung83
15K Followers 11K Following just read the fucking tweets https://t.co/OnMlrENZi4
John R Woodward @JRWoodwardMSW
5K Followers 5K Following Mac/IOS & *nix user; ex-social worker & sysadmin; married; 3 stepkids.
Quest @esasikanth
610 Followers 5K Following Fun Loving and Simple Living in Moments. I am not the mouth for your ears! Helping to see insights from hidden data!!.Re-tweets aren't endorsements!! తెలుగు!
John v. patton @Johnvpatton2
295 Followers 1K Following John,Doctor with the US army,christian......always believe in my faith
Denise☕️ #Covfefe... @ddshelby
4K Followers 4K Following Mom/Mimi, Jesus Follower, Fight For America. I have moved over to Blue sky. https://t.co/ZFZzw1Q11Y
Clover @woodlandwaves
166 Followers 1K Following this is the twitter that my family is blocked on. she/her. BLM
Reader Favorites @ReaderFaves
74K Followers 67K Following Reader favorites on Kindle and paperback, curated for easy pickings.
annoying steve @Steve_McQueen5
21 Followers 121 Following ... didn't know what purring was till I met her ...
Major Singh @MajorSi01098420
216 Followers 4K Following
My back-up back-up ac... @liquoreduplib
85 Followers 510 Following Resist! Republicans have put party over country.
twilight stan account @aaaaariiiel
60 Followers 639 Following
Anonymous Wafflesec @AnonWafflesec
168 Followers 2K Following
WildnCrazyKidz @wildncrazykidz
211 Followers 1K Following Teacher. Kids are funny. This is our future.
Chad Opitz @chadopitz
16K Followers 14K Following Stand up comic by night/protecting Rick Moranis also by night Instagram: @chadopitz
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
42K Followers 9K Following Independently owned and operated A+ Rating fron the BBB Chicago Area I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
101K Followers 18K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
55K Followers 48K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
47K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/1tLBuSYH1g
Bob Kostic @causticbob
196K Followers 201K Following 1...., Computer nerd, chocoholic, pizzaholic, scifi, B5, horror, science, classic rock, fitness, owned by 2 cats, i tweet a lot!
Trey @treydayway
44K Followers 5K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
54K Followers 48K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
The B. @anerdonfire2
40K Followers 13K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
✨WendyDarling✨ @wendchymes
34K Followers 7K Following I sleep in a bed of cats and lost dreams 🌈💕🌈 💕🌈💕🌈https://t.co/6aPZ73Zq9E
Hal O' be thy name. @Halbeerz
16K Followers 13K Following Polar bear whisperer. Weed whore. Merkin model.
JRGin @GinRumMe
20K Followers 10K Following Eat Sleep RockN’Roll. Still from Twitter. Recents: https://t.co/znpZjkqqT3 (Favorites next link).
The Clarty Plodger. �... @Prince_Madness1
166K Followers 150K Following The Maker of Madness. The Word Acrobat. The People’s Poet. The Dark Poet. The Painter of Pictures. © https://t.co/38l7gsyjIZ
Jesse Fernandez @JesseFernandez
71K Followers 50K Following Instructs comedy @Google | Wrote for award-winning #Newsbroke on @ajplus, TED Talks, @OnionGamers, @WordsWFriends game show
Mr. Onederful® @ericonederful
23K Followers 15K Following Comedy writer | Featured on @reddit, @eentertainment , @knowyourmeme , @yahoo , and more! 🎙️📝
John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
17K Followers 9K Following This mind intentionally left blank. https://t.co/n3wD8D0ICA
weekend twitr @WeekendTwitr
5K Followers 4K Following IG: harumph__harumph TikTok: weekendtok BlueSky: https://t.co/IpjX65yadF
Ivsy @Ivsy01
38K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Just Rhys @Dr_G0nzo
351 Followers 1K Following Yeah you heard........ We're gonna need a bigger goat.
Lil MissGuided 🇨�... @Guided_by_Sue
2K Followers 4K Following It’s only Twitter ffs so no DM’s please
Caleb @CalebJKelsey
415 Followers 814 Following From Memphis Tennessee | Dry humor and general debauchery
Josh Young @_joshyoung
2K Followers 1K Following Actor, Writer, Antisocial Media Influencer, Professional Enabler, Nap Aficionado, Hashtag-Gamer, and some other stuff too. @justjoshing.bsky.social
Turneround Brighteyes @Turneringle
216 Followers 435 Following
CHRIS 👍 @GoBurgo
6K Followers 5K Following Cockney, Reiki master, pluviophile, nyctophile, ceraunophile, inconsequential trivia, inappropriate humour, sarcasm, Rugby Saracens🏉🚫DMs unless you ask first
☆Red Queen☆ @RedW0lfe
162 Followers 364 Following high functioning psycho, parent, pro sarcasm user. I am the nicest mean person I know. No real fucks to give, had to use that storage space for self-control.
G Dawg @garrisondunnn
246 Followers 645 Following saving worms, eating cookies and avoiding confrontation. do it for dale. Elise is the way, the truth, & the life. sc: garrldunn
Kurt @CruisnKurt
2K Followers 5K Following Writer, speaker, traveler, adventurer, geek, sci-fi, & history buff.
Nancy Morris @VeryEvilGinger
2K Followers 4K Following Logistician. Liberal. Skeptic. Human shield. Humanist. Grammar Nazi. Atheist. Activist. Feminist. Quilter. Knitter. Writer. On-on!
XenobiaO @XenobiaO
530 Followers 1K Following Crazy 2 years filled with husband's cancer and my brain tumors. Thank gawd twitter's been here.
Better_Clever @Better_Clever
2K Followers 1K Following My little dogs bitch. Don't take my tweets too serious, I tend to lie a lot.
Katie @michalakatlin
389 Followers 338 Following Mom. Wife. Baylor Lawyer. Eastern Kentucky Appalachian in Texas.
Kosteevo @SteevUmc
1K Followers 2K Following Sometimes good/Sometimes bad. Smokin, drinkin n overthinkin. Music, readin, gigs, stand up, tatts, randomness, holes, sarcasm.
Oliver Smiff @OliverSmiff
916 Followers 815 Following I'm not sure which Beatles record is my favourite, but if you put a gun to my head, I would probably shit myself. https://t.co/mXrWkNCqQW
🌴Gator_Girl🌴 @a_charlie15
3K Followers 3K Following A MO girl living in a FL 🌎. Unrealistically optimistic, it's part of my southern charm. Cards/Chiefs/Gators! I cheer for Buffalo because of him. 😉 UC M⚾️M.
Ticking Cancer Bomb @CancerTicking
857 Followers 2K Following chemo drugs not working. Soon the 3 tumors will overpower my body's ability 2 fight. thanks 4 following. I will continue to post as I can.
Deb Smagala @DebSmagala
214 Followers 493 Following Read-aholic. I laugh, sing..life's a comedy. Love reading, family, dogs/granddogs, Outlander, WalkingDead, trashybooks, chocolate, rocknroll.
Tweetin' 4-Tay @TayCubed
870 Followers 991 Following Comic book creator, content writer for video games, entertainment, and brands. Professional surfer/volleyball player as soon as my knee stops giving out on me.
Not Active!! @KirstenCatClub
2K Followers 340 Following new profile is @YupKirsten : https://t.co/HEPXRRdrNF
askmeagain @puddingtame123
804 Followers 2K Following
RonSupportsYou @RonSupportsYou
16K Followers 16K Following Politics, technology, television, music, comedy, and much more, by Ron Feiertag
Red Angel @angelred656
153 Followers 301 Following Simple,shy,,stubborn,😜😜😚😚,MARTA fan,RITA Gaviola fan/follower
Julie🏝️ @JRuss2408
438 Followers 1K Following No matter how you're sad and blue, there's always someone who has it worse than you. Sometimes you gotta pay your dues. So don't worry, just push on through 🎧
AJ #ProudEuropean @AyDeeJay
874 Followers 3K Following
Little Jackie Paper @s_schuckman
80K Followers 71K Following Notre Dame Football, Jayhawk Basketball, born and raised in KS now living in Asheville NC. True Blue progressive liberal.
Sunshine Sprocket @SunshinSprocket
3K Followers 1K Following Profanity enthusiast, enjoyer of cannabis, science and hugs. The smartest stoner you know. Probably a scientist. Definitely trouble. I always retweet kittens.
Holly_Quinn @holly_hjk
2K Followers 2K Following ya know... ah fuck it ~Bull in a china shop, with less grace~ Mass Clusterfuck Specialist ~go in with fear, but still go in~
Sher 💙💪🌊 Don... @sheryl_monk
12K Followers 13K Following Radical Liberal Democrat @49ers 🩷 my cats! Proud Mom 💙 #GunReform #LGBTQ #BLM #DREAMers #TakeAKnee #GoNiners🏈 #HarrisWalz2024 FBR
Weldon Kees @KingsleyAmis2
3K Followers 4K Following 📚 📸 ‘we stopped at an intersection of two paths’. 📚Every greeting says goodbye already.
RachelRachel @RachelTurnham
2K Followers 3K Following Sharing my tranquil insanity. Lost in Gosport, following Spurs, reading a lot & scaring myself with horror movies. Catholic. Current number of dogs: 2
Vlada Mars @VladaMars
27K Followers 2K Following pianist and composer, dreamer and words weaver; WORDS https://t.co/oTw8XDGt8A MUSIC https://t.co/UeJh1a71Oz;
LadyS @This_is_LadyS
2K Followers 1K Following Staying uncomfortable and evolving the shit out of myself.💜
Mel @MelARowe
3K Followers 2K Following Author of Bestselling Australian Outback Fiction #Escape2HEA...
AlluringMind @AlluringMind
4K Followers 3K Following Shes gonna forever say “ I got this” even with tears in her eyes~
Erica🌼Stoner @sweetstoneone
2K Followers 2K Following Widow and mother to our sweet son. Love music, singing, animals, poker, and people who are kind and compassionate. Humor, sarcasm. ☺
Sophisticated🍷Wino... @SophisticaWinos
639 Followers 339 Following I am just a girl who likes to drink wine. I like memes and I tend to exaggerate. My best tweets come when I've been wining. It's #wineoclock somewhere! 🍷
Sunshine @WhosYourVader
14K Followers 6K Following 🇺🇸The All-American Woman - my place is in the kitchen, drinking your bourbon. Sunnier in person.
Tales of a Waffle Hou... @AutisticDad23
6K Followers 6K Following My Nanna's Tupperware dishes are insured. https://t.co/vQlU6tmbqj
bubble girl @JessObsess
17K Followers 1K Following I could have been something great. Winner of the “Best Avi” 10 years in a row. My tweet trophies are covered in dust.
Amita @amitanatverlal
26K Followers 9K Following Takes each day as it comes. Tweets: https://t.co/RxjiKraERf
KatieJay @HeyHeyMissJ
6K Followers 4K Following Heiress. Marilyn Manson’s ex girlfriend. Liar. DMs open for funny guys.Trends for United States
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