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Tweets52K
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Followers3K
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Following2K
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Likes78K
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
Chewbacca went in for Jewish Space Laser hair removal. Wookie mistake.
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Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
You'll never fourth me to box Mayweather, tho! ~ Jake Paul after Tyson busts his jaw
Me: I feel so zen 😌 Traffic: Not for long 💅🏼
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
engagement farming..why not just buy the ring at a store like normal ppl.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
I'm trying these. I'll let you know if it's a good idea. 🧵
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
Thoughts and prayers for dads today. They want to say, “May the Fourth be with you,” but they also want to say, “I don’t know. May it?”
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
I’m so tired my coffee just yawned.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
These Haribo gummy bears are kicking my ass tonight.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
Not enough rap songs about Costco hotdogs.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
No yeah we get it. You’re all nerds.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
what i say: i’m sitting on the couch a sec what i mean: i’m falling asleep on the couch
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
Me: The HOA rules don’t say anything about nude sunbathing in my own yard. Neighbor: This is your FRONT yard! Me: You’re blocking my rays.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
Neighbor: When you said you were planning a “suburban Saturday” I thought you meant your kid’s soccer game & some yardwork. Me (eating a Jersey Mike’s & sipping Maker’s in a lawn chair): Nope.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
The terrorists want 72 virgins? Wow. That's like the first six rows at the new Star Wars movie.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
May the fourth time I hear a Star Wars joke today be the last.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
When the budget forces you to choose between the giant space laser or the dentist
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
There’s a place in time where home ownership & parenting collide, when you stop protecting your house from your kids and concede to fixing it in 10 or 15 years.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
May the fourth bring me peace from Star Wars bros
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
The key to a good Star Wars Day post is you can’t force it.
Jennifer Killa Dilla retweeted
Once I plant my vegetable garden it’s over for you cabbitches
Not a Snail @PoleSnail
8K Followers 2K Following not a snail• surgeon• biologist• lawyer• obviously not single• bugs• seriously, I'm not single• nemophilist•
💀SpookyLittleComic.. @CunniLinguist77
17K Followers 8K Following failed librarian🖤💀🫀🎃avid mourner🪦🥀⚰️enthusiastic weeper•town crier•inward groaner•proud oddity🎭🎨📚animal cruelty≠joke🫥🗿🏰🌧🌳🍕🍪🪻🪺🪷🦦🫧NoDMs🏳️🌈
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 970 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following She may not look like much but she can catch a man, said someone trying to insult me. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
Blue Berrymore @BerrymoreBlue
18K Followers 4K Following Sarcasm and Anxiety. I love dad jokes and mom bods.
Boss B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
tim p whatley @ttwhatley
1K Followers 4K Following Old Headbanger,Video Game Junkie, Craft Beer Nerd, Animal Lover, Union Craftsman, Hotrod Owner, Philadelphia Eagles season ticket holder.🌊🌊🌊
Sooz @CruisinSoozan
30K Followers 5K Following Erotically whimsical, clinically awkward 🔞💋 https://t.co/RTwJsrQhgu Let’s Go Oilers 💙🧡
Tattletale Times @TattletaleTimes
435 Followers 961 Following Your go-to source for hilarious satire news on the chaotic world of parenting. https://t.co/pFbpZ6Lfd1
🔮⭐️🌜Starcal.. @starcaller_
1K Followers 4K Following Jedi in the streets, Sith in the sheets. (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ Actress/Singer/Writer/Make up/Set assistant/and more. Support indie films! 💜 Actually a cyborg. $JupitersJazz
FL Panhandler @wesfau2
613 Followers 925 Following
Ai-DK @MoxsyCat
150 Followers 211 Following I like my Cat. He might like me too. The "Ai" in my handle...does not mean I'm a robot. If you give me a follow, I will give you a follow back. Just sayin.
Vanisha Sukdeo @VanishaSukdeo
1K Followers 2K Following B.A., LL.B., LL.M., Ph.D., lawyer, author of 4 books, Adjunct Professor at Osgoode Hall Law School. Focus on corporate law, workers' rights, and climate change.
Jacqueline Hyde 💜 @atruevulgarian
566 Followers 520 Following “You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.”💋🐠
Network Sportsball An.. @fakesportsceleb
662 Followers 253 Following Taking care of my chickens and my mentals. #letsgobuffalo
Lance V @LanceV65
343 Followers 850 Following Auto sales pro, Mule drinker. Studied so-called Decline of Western Civilization. My minutes of NHL playoff ice time are equal to those of Pete in MN District 8.
Kris Wilder @parkerquotes2
225 Followers 526 Following Public relations coordinator, recovering reporter, mom of two amazing human beings, reader, writer, math hater.
Arielle Davis @arielle_da58454
123 Followers 3K Following
Insert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
5K Followers 3K Following Just like weed, I make everything better. Gorgeous, Baby Girl, Good girl, Goddess 💍 Stay out of my DM's with your pee pees 1117
Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
Alison the Read @alisontheread
3K Followers 920 Following I have a headache. Probably researching something depressing. Quaker. she/her. https://t.co/OuK118DSun
Booker Sullivan @bookersull84
2K Followers 677 Following Cherish the moments you have with the ones you love🥰 you never know when you will have only memories💔 Love mycountry. God bless America 💪 💯
𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃.. @im_all_id
6K Followers 1K Following middling jokes & existential dread // been seen in a meme
✨TheeMemeQueen👑�.. @Thee_Meme_Queen
368 Followers 504 Following 𝓜𝓮𝓶𝓮 𝓠𝓾𝓮𝓮𝓷 👑 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓐𝓲𝓭𝓮👩⚕️ 𝓕𝓾𝓻 𝓜𝓪𝓶𝓪 🐾 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓷𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼 💨 𝓖𝓲𝓻𝓵 𝓡𝓪𝓹 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓾𝓻 🎶 ♋♏♏
ella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manic
Tyler @BalloonFlavour
13K Followers 7K Following
KittenAnn @KathyDobson13
521 Followers 1K Following Retired middle school science teacher, mother of Aspie, Caregiver, daughter, sister, optimist, fact checker, truth seeker #CovidIsNotOver #BlackLivesMatter
JFoldUm Productions �.. @JFP_Productions
76 Followers 144 Following It All Starts With A Dream Work Hard To Make It A Reality 🔑Trying To Find Financial Freedom 🎼Musician 🎮Gamer 💻GameDev 📊Also, I Like The Stock
𝘫𝘭𝘺𝘯 🪄 @sparkle_jenni
3K Followers 5K Following Attach to Nothing. Connect to Everything. If life is a recursive simulation I will find you over & over again🪄 GNM🤍 ~Stone Creations by Jon Foreman~
Jonathan Overton @urduecksalesguy
105K Followers 41K Following Commissioner of The Legendary Football Pool * x World Famous Car Salesman ⚡️https://t.co/paDcnRty8S⚡️ @MediSpa_LaBella #Just_Du_eck #PickLegendary
Nicole Sherman @sherman_ni58910
44 Followers 2K Following
Fern Renee @Greyhaime
2K Followers 1K Following Poet,artist,liminal walker,Aes Sedai,Pirate. https://t.co/HloQjuYX25 my words found☝ https://t.co/rpUsoDnOYH
Spork @RuncibleSpork
2K Followers 1K Following A gentle wiseass, kind soul, and flaneur. Curiously exploring. My body is not super-flexible, everything else is.
Boobsy Snickerdoodle @chloethesiren
7K Followers 999 Following she/her • live nude cartoon • avi by @kbuddyartist • banner by @drawingbutts • tweets: https://t.co/oFxUkyzSNF
Olivia Jane @oliviajane777
122 Followers 1K Following BBW MILF 🌶️ Southern Girl Kinda Weird 🤪 Definitely a nerd 🤓 18 ⬆️ Naughty 😈 and Nice 😊 posts over here CA: $oliviajane777
Tim 🌧 The Enchanto.. @TEnchantor
758 Followers 2K Following Male 45yo Passionate about music, movies, the female body and good company. Funny, compassionate guy
Jane Salty Dough @JaneSaltyDough
826 Followers 801 Following I don't like it now. Leave me alone about it.
D @ddddllllyyyy
14 Followers 11 Following
💪🏻 🦖 🤓 @bodypositivedad
1K Followers 1K Following Level 40 // Just a dad, learning to love himself // DMs open
Sona @Sona17303330881
6 Followers 65 Following
Tuesday's child @whitewillow29
1K Followers 5K Following Flying... Not falling! #fightingautoimmune💜 #Angelmom 💟 #Boymom #Dogmom #Leo♌ #Adopt🐾 #Seahawks💙💚#Mariners 💛🖤#Saints #LSU 💜💛#Huskies
That bitch with the b.. @tashaneedshelp
4K Followers 2K Following Im not sure if I’m living the dream, or if it’s some sick twisted nightmare. https://t.co/JBrys261On
Not a Snail @PoleSnail
8K Followers 2K Following not a snail• surgeon• biologist• lawyer• obviously not single• bugs• seriously, I'm not single• nemophilist•
💀SpookyLittleComic.. @CunniLinguist77
17K Followers 8K Following failed librarian🖤💀🫀🎃avid mourner🪦🥀⚰️enthusiastic weeper•town crier•inward groaner•proud oddity🎭🎨📚animal cruelty≠joke🫥🗿🏰🌧🌳🍕🍪🪻🪺🪷🦦🫧NoDMs🏳️🌈
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 970 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following She may not look like much but she can catch a man, said someone trying to insult me. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
Blue Berrymore @BerrymoreBlue
18K Followers 4K Following Sarcasm and Anxiety. I love dad jokes and mom bods.
Boss B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
tazz @noneofyours99
85K Followers 46K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
Kris Wilder @parkerquotes2
225 Followers 526 Following Public relations coordinator, recovering reporter, mom of two amazing human beings, reader, writer, math hater.
Sooz @CruisinSoozan
30K Followers 5K Following Erotically whimsical, clinically awkward 🔞💋 https://t.co/RTwJsrQhgu Let’s Go Oilers 💙🧡
Topher @toe_toph_tofu
428 Followers 495 Following Do my fellow imaginary creatures also struggle with crippling self-doubt? https://t.co/6xusy9Z5h4
ella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manic
Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
Alison the Read @alisontheread
3K Followers 920 Following I have a headache. Probably researching something depressing. Quaker. she/her. https://t.co/OuK118DSun
𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃.. @im_all_id
6K Followers 1K Following middling jokes & existential dread // been seen in a meme
Tyler @BalloonFlavour
13K Followers 7K Following
Fern Renee @Greyhaime
2K Followers 1K Following Poet,artist,liminal walker,Aes Sedai,Pirate. https://t.co/HloQjuYX25 my words found☝ https://t.co/rpUsoDnOYH
Spork @RuncibleSpork
2K Followers 1K Following A gentle wiseass, kind soul, and flaneur. Curiously exploring. My body is not super-flexible, everything else is.
Boobsy Snickerdoodle @chloethesiren
7K Followers 999 Following she/her • live nude cartoon • avi by @kbuddyartist • banner by @drawingbutts • tweets: https://t.co/oFxUkyzSNF
Jane Salty Dough @JaneSaltyDough
826 Followers 801 Following I don't like it now. Leave me alone about it.
Tim 🌧 The Enchanto.. @TEnchantor
758 Followers 2K Following Male 45yo Passionate about music, movies, the female body and good company. Funny, compassionate guy
D @ddddllllyyyy
14 Followers 11 Following
💪🏻 🦖 🤓 @bodypositivedad
1K Followers 1K Following Level 40 // Just a dad, learning to love himself // DMs open
Betsy the Ghost 👻 .. @betsy_ghost1
720 Followers 643 Following Drowned in a bath of baked beans. Went to Hell. Hated it. Came back. Pronouns: it/it/its.
That bitch with the b.. @tashaneedshelp
4K Followers 2K Following Im not sure if I’m living the dream, or if it’s some sick twisted nightmare. https://t.co/JBrys261On
🌜𝓥𝓪𝓶𝓹�.. @vampireskwrl
1K Followers 585 Following she/her. yapologist. hi/hey dms pay a fee. no pet names/nicknames/honorifics all dms subject to posting. my dms aren't your safe space 🫶🏻 minors DNI. 💜🐻
ShadesofShae @shaesjh
1K Followers 2K Following By night I'm a writer, dreamer, and artist. By day I torture old folks by setting their eyes on fire, and then taking their money. #livingthelife
Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy
25K Followers 5K Following 𝕌𝕟𝕒𝕡𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝔻𝕠𝕡𝕖 ℝ𝕒𝕔𝕔𝕠𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕦𝕣 𝕊𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝔼𝕘𝕘 𝕄𝕔𝕄𝕦𝕗𝕗𝕚𝕟 𝔼𝕟𝕥𝕙𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕒𝕤t
Bruja🦎🐒 @lyssasphere
42K Followers 28K Following Space | Math | Imagination | Love | Earth | Science Earth and Space Sciences - Anatomy, Physiology, Biology, Geochemistry, Physics
Trad Hag Jess @BogHagJess
3K Followers 1K Following Little Edie alt ego account. Probably has cats. Hundreds of them. Team Ursus 🐻 #IIH (dx 2020).
🐝 Bumble bee 🐝 @TheBumblingBee_
17K Followers 2K Following 🐝 I might be funny on the timeline but I’m boring in DMs. And more often than not, I ignore them. 🤷♀️ Married af
dianarama @dirtybirdie_
2K Followers 3K Following I enjoy really smart folks with really dumb jokes. In like 4 gangs. Funk Soldier. Cat lady. #IStillOwnStupidHashtags. Ex-Seattleite. Blocked by Rudy Giuliani.
CraZyCatLady @BitchinWitch666
177 Followers 444 Following A mob of punk rock cats, pure chaos, Cat collector, gotta catch em all! #CatsOfTwitter #Cats #Comedy
southofhevn @southofhevn
322 Followers 204 Following
The Tanya @tanya_the11313
385 Followers 922 Following I'm here to let my disgust with the universe fester.
Duchess Anna of Banan.. @duchess_banana
24K Followers 5K Following Food, sports, and filth. Distributing the finest word vomit since 2019. @VancityReynolds liked one of my tweets once.
A poorly put together.. @OGPoutyMcgee
7K Followers 3K Following If you are what you wish you could eat then I’m Tom Selleck’s fat ol’ dick.
Jenji @Jenjiy0
2K Followers 1K Following Subpar mage on hiatus, amateur orchidist, animal lover (catsarebis), INFJ, ♒️, Ravenclaw🐦⬛DMs CLOSED. Not looking for anything other than my sanity.
Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest
9K Followers 1K Following There is no Mommy, only Zuul.✨Be excellent to each other✨Folllow me everywhere https://t.co/ItaeRTMeC2 Peep my tweets in the link below 👇🏻
Velvet Heaven @Velvet_Crushed
3K Followers 3K Following I've got a date at midnight with Nosferatu 🖤💚 |*Writings are my own*|*No DMs w/o asking*|Disgraced Cosmonaut| Pan 🏳️🌈
erika @yeeeerika
4K Followers 3K Following sr art director. experimental artist. analog synthesizers are cool!! chaotic good. she/her.
glizzieshark🎹😤 @glizzieshark2
56 Followers 149 Following I am awesome! instablock (not sorry) - retweets not necessarily endorsements, Gen-X Shitshow
Dolly Parton @DollyParton
5.4M Followers 48 Following 🦋 The Official X of Dolly Parton 🦋 Pre-order ‘Billy the Kid Comes Home for Christmas’ ❤️
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariousChewbacca went in for Jewish Space Laser hair removal. Wookie mistake.
You'll never fourth me to box Mayweather, tho! ~ Jake Paul after Tyson busts his jaw
my brain: i’ve seen this look somewhere before
reese with her spoon
engagement farming..why not just buy the ring at a store like normal ppl.
I think I'll take the bag to a cemetery tonight and try to bury it In cement
When I opened the bag a statue of Jesus I keep on the kitchen counter started weeping, that should have been my first clue
They taste like dorito's tried an unholy fusion of Dave Matthew's and Nickelback combined with napalm and hominy
They taste like a cornfield that was haunted by the ghost of a scorned woman from 1745. And then they doused the cornfield in tequila and set it on fire
They taste like mango salsa, if the mangos were held prisoner by the baja cartel for 8 months
They taste like if John Wick was a flavor
It tastes like a spicy mango that only writes poetry about it's love for Rambo II
They taste like violence and fruit that hates you
Update: No. No, these were not a good idea. I've brushed my teeth twice and used mouthwash. How did these get past product testers.
I'm trying these. I'll let you know if it's a good idea. 🧵
Thoughts and prayers for dads today. They want to say, “May the Fourth be with you,” but they also want to say, “I don’t know. May it?”
Of course I picked a nail polish called Berry Fairy Fun. I’m a fucking delight.
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