🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ @JoeRegular4
My humor is not for everyone(anyone). avi by the wonderful and talented @textyruxpin twitter.com/search?q=from%… Aisle 5 Joined March 2019-
Tweets25K
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Followers4K
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Following2K
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Likes49K
There is no word in the English language that starts with a P, ends with a P, and has 2 O’s in the middle.
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“Hey, that my friend Jeff’s plane!”
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
Putting it behind the ear for later
Tough As Texas while crying about bell ringing.
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
How long does it take two adults with ADHD to change a lightbulb? No, seriously, this is a real question because I could really use some light in the laundry room.
It should be illegal to say good morning on a Monday
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
I have eaten all the candy, so my kids will open their Easter eggs to find Heinz ketchup packets
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Just read a book called The Cat in the Hat. And said cat in said hat represents pure chaos.
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
I'm sorry to the girl I stared down this past weekend who looked EXACTLY like Elizabeth Holmes.
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
Um. No thanks, Texas Roadhouse.
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
Babe, hand me my scrunchie. I feel a sax solo coming on.
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
My dog knows me so well that if I return home within five minutes of leaving he knows I’ve forgotten something and will not be staying, so he doesn’t even bother getting up to greet me
🍜Store Brand Ramen Noodles🍜©️ retweeted
I’m like Pooh bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless
Tennessee wishes they were Texas and Texas wishes they could read and write
ChatGPT answering the most important questions.
Whatever happened to the actor that played ET?
Are we still using the Oxford decimal when we do math?
No one cares that the guy at Subway didn’t cut your sandwich in half. We don’t need pics.
What’s better, vitamins or minerals?
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
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NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 826 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Nate Limit Exceeded @.. @perlhack
22K Followers 6K Following @natesmith.jawns.club homeless pirate. sustainable, carbon-neutral tweets. butterfly whisperer. official soup taster. likes LEGOs BLM. He/Him.
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
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meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
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President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following She may not look like much but she can catch a man. So southern Duke's Mayo quoted me. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 971 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
He Called Me Greenhor.. @WhatsAGreenhorn
9K Followers 3K Following He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
Valda Menge @MengVal
1 Followers 188 Following
Seyckos @seyckos47903
30 Followers 517 Following Nice to meet you. My hobbies are reading, food and sports. I like cats😘 I like to meet new friends while traveling🎉🎉🎉
Lily Stolp @lily_stolp2465
74 Followers 5K Following
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 3K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
Jeanna Kosack @JeanKosac
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Canary @GratefulDead74
188 Followers 441 Following The most remarkable discovery in all of astronomy is that the stars are made of atoms of the same kind as those on the earth.
sup @sup60949794
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Ron the Robot 🇸�.. @robot_ron
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TotallyLikeable @TotallyLikeable
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Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 826 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Nate Limit Exceeded @.. @perlhack
22K Followers 6K Following @natesmith.jawns.club homeless pirate. sustainable, carbon-neutral tweets. butterfly whisperer. official soup taster. likes LEGOs BLM. He/Him.
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
23K Followers 5K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following She may not look like much but she can catch a man. So southern Duke's Mayo quoted me. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 971 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
He Called Me Greenhor.. @WhatsAGreenhorn
9K Followers 3K Following He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
AdVenture Capitalist @AdVenture_CapHH
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Temporary Sequel @NoFabTobi
2K Followers 631 Following This is not the main account. If I’m here a lot, I might be deactivated on main.
Sandwich Recipes @sandwichrecipez
84K Followers 18 Following A tasty twitter blog all about healthy Sandwich Recipes #sandwichrecipes
WeRateDogs @dog_rates
9.2M Followers 25 Following Your Only Source For Professional Dog Ratings Instagram and Facebook ➜ WeRateDogs [email protected] | nonprofit: @15outof10 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Name can be blank @dankcharnley
8K Followers 7K Following Classically Trained Comic • Enthusiast • Writerist • Cartoonist • Avid Reader of Smut • Rib Sauce Judge 🤟 Who Hurt Me?: https://t.co/pQ7raaF6uy
The Steve @_the_steve_
352 Followers 2K Following I use words. I also have interests, and enjoy some things at regular intervals.
The_Enlighten_Soul @I_Am_Enlighten
456 Followers 3K Following I Am What I Am, And What I Am I Will Be
Missouri CNA @mcsa7f
35K Followers 33K Following Married. Kitty & puppy mom. Home health worker. Kidney transplant recipient. Dealing with Anxiety/depression. Family is everything. Love camping,concerts, art.
Paul Jongen @pjljongen
38K Followers 37K Following IT-guy, #Aspergers, #ActuallyAutistic. Expect sarcasm, cynicism, satire, parody & stupid jokes!😁 #Resist (no lists/tags/groups!)
John to the World �.. @JohnJokewriter
6K Followers 6K Following Multi-vaxxed for your pleasure. Former joke writer for Jay Leno. I’m a lot funnier when I’m paid to write material. At least that’s what I tell myself.
John Your Mate @JohnYourMate
2K Followers 2K Following John Your Mate is a London based trio of musicians, songwriters and part-time human beings. Staring into the abyss since 1972. https://t.co/s2prTiXe5M
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.
The Good Liars @TheGoodLiars
604K Followers 228 Following @jasonselvig + @davramdavram - New podcast “The Good Liars Tell The Truth” is OUT NOW. Listen and subscribe👇
curtis smith @cjsjulie
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Lelia Gumdrop @gumdrop_lelia
1K Followers 3K Following I love horror movies. Music is everything. I love reading. Books are my escape. I'm very clumsy. The End.
Nathalie with an h @nnnatchos
6K Followers 4K Following Your path may be yours but watch for others along on the trail.
Yesterdays Mistake & .. @PeaceAndLove_US
8K Followers 8K Following Personality: unapologetic critical thinker. Politics: votes blue but doesn't enjoy it. Reality: A mix of sh0e, Shad and Mel Mac. Fun fact: IFB 100%
TheMentalRecess @amentalrecess
17K Followers 3K Following Everyone needs a mind recess. https://t.co/ac4wrIUlsW
Jess 🌵💙🥴 @jessiejess1228
8K Followers 5K Following 💙 Black Lives Matter 💙 Snooty cheese whore 💙 Ass that won't quit, and neither will my anxiety 💙 Pronouns: She/Her 💙
HeatherPronounceable .. @2bbzmma
1K Followers 3K Following This is awkward. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I tweet. Sometimes it’s real. Sometimes it’s made up. I retweet quite a bit. I’m awkward. Expect typos.
Pirate Twinkie @Pirate_Twinkie
1K Followers 2K Following Bloodhound Gang, Rucka Rucka Ali and dongcopter pirate enthusiast. I hate going out. Amateur book reviewer. not a rapist 🦈✈️
People’s Choice Con.. @peoplescontest
669 Followers 615 Following New contest every Wednesday! 12pm to 8pm Eastern. Funny tweets. Winner decided by popular vote.
Paul ダイヤモン�.. @_BooPaul
5K Followers 652 Following Vaporwave on 107.9 FM Jamestown NY • Chaotic Good • Ace of Diamonds • Ring Announcer for @daddyyeahpro • Owner @nasamoon • (He/Him) • 💜 🤍 🖤
Snarlita @Snarlita6t
5K Followers 3K Following Here for the laughs. Unexpectedly making new friends is a bonus. 🎶 Music gets me through life. Soy Boricua 🇵🇷
Peggy @peggyfindit
619 Followers 2K Following Writer/Chef/Voiceover Actress. Funny. Witty. Charming. Oh, three words to describe me? I thought we were talking about you..
H.B. Hamm @hammgravy
4K Followers 4K Following I've put very little effort into this page and it shows. I'm only on X because they confiscated my library card.
Linkin Park Faint lyr.. @whackofor_a_son
137 Followers 341 Following i am a shapeshifter i can be anyone.
John Carpenter’s Th.. @TheAlexNevil
33K Followers 15K Following Recent: https://t.co/8uaZSAV2lL. Dog's Tweets: https://t.co/56U9akrqGb.
HeidiHo 💙🇺🇸�.. @Heidi521
18K Followers 13K Following I run on coffee and sarcasm, and have the sense of humor of a 12 year-old. Save the animals and take care of our planet. 🌊
Tom Goeddel @tomgoeddel
21K Followers 22K Following USA formula one fan, all racing 🏎️, St. Louis Blues, STL soccer and Cardinals fan, golfer ⛳. Personal thoughts only.
Dad Set Against @DadSetAgainst
5K Followers 984 Following Outnumbered, dad tired, dead set on seeing the comedy in it all. Featured on @TheDad @Buzzfeed @BoredPanda @TODAYshow @huffpostparents @theFunnyTweeter
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
kirby🧸 @ckirbyyyy
7K Followers 448 Following rice snob. || $60 dm fee $ckirbydream 👆🏼|| https://t.co/dhBhTeKnof
RobFM²: Back in the .. @RobIsOuttaHere
1K Followers 949 Following my standup debut: https://t.co/9RpylJcJJU sorry in advance
♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters
23K Followers 7K Following Born & raised in East London. Up to my rolling eyeballs in other peoples toddlers
Mike @Parentpains
10K Followers 2K Following Don’t worry, you’d hate me in real life too. My Tweets are in the link👇
Ree @reesbacknew
999 Followers 4K Following I’m ree account got beeped this morning and tryed al day to get it but can’t so please help me find me followers
Houston Hard Hitters @TXRednation01
2K Followers 4K Following Slime SZN #WeAreTexans #Ready2Reign Rockets Astros 2022 2017 World Champs Longhorns Humor Horror Military Boxing MMA AEW WWE
ROH - Ring of Honor W.. @ringofhonor
315K Followers 17K Following Watch #ROH TV every Thursday night exclusively on Honor Club at https://t.co/f0NG9w9sO5 - Available on: iOS, Android, Amazon Fire & Roku
GrandmaC @awsgrandma
171 Followers 181 Following I enjoy nature except for the bugs and heat. I like to read but who has the time? I'm now addicted to Sims4. Oh and I have 3 kids I'm trying to keep alive
Stephen J. Caggiano @StephenCaggiano
331K Followers 3K Following Content is not King. ACCESS to content is KING. AI. Drummer. Sommelier. Lactose Indifferent. Twice as normal as the average. And 100% biodegradable.
Alf @whoelsebutalf
16K Followers 15K Following Devon Comedian Chris Leworthy from #BGT. In order to catch a bus, first YOU must think like a bus. #LunchPun #UKPunDay #Jokes
Natasha Something @IfIwassomething
9K Followers 4K Following not in the last place you'd expect https://t.co/3fXb59eAtL
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My incessant ramblins in the link below ⬇️
@danakabradpitt @BillMabrey1 @RobinMelz @Real_TravisT_ @SoundInvestig @JackPosobiec @RealAlexJones @BBCNews @nytimes @WSJ @washingtonpost @USATODAY @NPR @NewsHour @guardian ... how do I know he was lying? You mean, aside from literally everything on his LinkedIn page that I already listed? Well. Let's start with the fact you morons believe it. B/c that's a pretty fuckin' big red flag right there.
@Real_TravisT_ @SoundInvestig @JackPosobiec @RealAlexJones @BBCNews @nytimes @WSJ @washingtonpost @USATODAY @NPR @NewsHour @guardian He was not an FBI agent. Ever. Nor does he currently-- or at any point in the past-- work for the CIA. He's a low level data analyst at DHS. Amd in his VERY short stint at FBI he worked in procurement...
Putting it behind the ear for later
The biggest misconception we have as kids, is that there are “normal” people in the world
my 8yr old daughter has to touch 3 cats before she can do anything. we only have two cats.
I don’t know about you but I always lead with my dominant eye whenever I’m frying something that pops
How long does it take two adults with ADHD to change a lightbulb? No, seriously, this is a real question because I could really use some light in the laundry room.
I told my kids we get visited by the Easter Chicken because bunnies don’t lay eggs. “Now you sound ridiculous,” said 8.
I’m all for helping my child achieve her goals but mine told me she wants a glitter bomb in her bedroom, and frankly some dreams are meant to be squashed
@JoeRegular4 Extra points for remembering and using sachet
I have eaten all the candy, so my kids will open their Easter eggs to find Heinz ketchup packets
I was helping my son with his homework and I told him that a female gazelle was called a madamazelle so now I have another meeting with his teacher.
Drinks in my camera roll
drinks in my camera roll.
@JoeRegular4 This tweet has Repubs like: Sounds like it’s time to ban some more books!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Breaking News: Fulton County officials released Donald Trump’s mug shot, the first taken in the four criminal cases he’s faced this year. nyti.ms/3PaWUcj
I'm sorry to the girl I stared down this past weekend who looked EXACTLY like Elizabeth Holmes.
Um. No thanks, Texas Roadhouse.
Babe, hand me my scrunchie. I feel a sax solo coming on.
My dog knows me so well that if I return home within five minutes of leaving he knows I’ve forgotten something and will not be staying, so he doesn’t even bother getting up to greet me
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