Lydia Botters @MrLloydSpandex
barely alive. Joined April 2009-
Tweets66K
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Followers9K
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Following635
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Likes16K
At my Mums work, if you’re having menopause problems, the person you can speak to about it is ‘Clive’.
Happy Ed Balls Eve everyone! I’ve left milk and cookies out for him. How’re you all spending Ed Balls Day tomorrow? Xx
I’ve just asked both my friends ‘if you woke up now in a hospital bed and the doctor said you’d have a brain injury and you’ve made up one of your friends, who do you think is the most not real?’. They both said me. I don’t know how to feel about this
Just googled the lyrics to Stick Season and wow: I’ve been singing ‘old soccer Mum’ not ‘I saw your Mum’, for the past 4 months. 🫠
New gay just dropped: Hetro sex is now gay.
Told a colleague he’s such a waste man that he’s now CEO of waste management. I’ve a feeling I’ll be getting an email from HR.
The builder working on my house doesn’t have English as his first language, which means he calls everyone ‘sweetheart’, including other men, without any irony. No one has corrected him because honestly.. it just sounds so lovely. ❤️
Watched a colleague just pour a tin of tuna into a pot noodle then microwave it. I’d assume that’s an instant dissmisal?
I’m FROM here and hate it. Where should I go ‘back’ to?
I’m FROM here and hate it. Where should I go ‘back’ to?
All jobs should come with a ‘can’t be arsed day’ a year. Where you can ring up last minute and be like ‘sorry I just can’t be arsed today’ and they’re like ‘okie dokie, see you tomorrow!’
A really fun way to live is to not accept any accountability for any of your actions. I’ve started this morning and I am THRIVING.
[to the tune of Louis Theroux’s rap] My boobs don’t jiggle jiggle They fold I’d like to make you understand that I’m old
How comes people can say ‘sorry I don’t like dogs’ when a dog is near you and the owner will move the dog away, but if you say ‘sorry I don’t like kids’ when someone’s kid is running around you, you get called a bitch?
Had a dream last night I was stroking my dog. Lovely dream. I woke up because she was moving. Turns out I was stroking the head of my friend I’m sharing a bed with on holiday..
Just landed in Sweden. Wow everyone’s attractive. I’m a UK 6, Swedish 4.
I find it FASCINATING that Tate would have the gall to call someone mid, looking like this
I start work at 5am tomorrow. I quite literally would rather die.
Amanda @Pandamoanimum
106K Followers 822 Following Welcome to my head. Please excuse the mess. You can buy me a coffee here: https://t.co/nHqykmDilU Threads: https://t.co/pmlQc89QB5
Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain
139K Followers 3K Following He/him. Illustrator, cartoonist, husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, second cousin, grandson, friend, acquaintance, enemy. @[email protected]
𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶 .. @perrigame
31K Followers 2K Following Came with a warning label but I ate it. Low riding junkie girl 🌷Owner of Amooz Boosh 🍭 🍰 🍪 🧁 🎂🍿𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙢📸 perri.nicole and amooz.boosh
joe heenan @joeheenan
67K Followers 3K Following Award losing stand up comedian. Co host of Stu & Joe's Big Dumb Film Show. Subscribe here https://t.co/Ts0zTiHNI9
Mitten d'Amour @MittenDAmour
21K Followers 483 Following I once bought a cold drink for a tramp on a hot day - turns out he wasn’t a secret millionaire; total fucking waste of 80p. (She/her)
©ol @Bigshirtlesscol
7K Followers 736 Following I can type 300 wrods a minute. The Bollock Tyrant. Shockingly Mackem. Underrated account. 🏳️🌈 Ally
Tokyo Sexwhale @tokyosexwhale
22K Followers 991 Following IIllustrator | Commissions: [email protected]
Craig Deeley 🇪🇺.. @craiguito
21K Followers 7K Following I do stand-up and tweet silly things. My podcast Trish of the Day out now, link below.
Gabby Hutchinson Crou.. @Scriblit
25K Followers 1K Following Comedy writer (News Quiz, Horrible Histories & more), author (Darkwood, The Rooks, Cursed).🐝 with the ☕ https://t.co/tPUv02QMv5
19cm🤤🤤🤤🤤�.. @kobi176774
413 Followers 1K Following
Kazza @Kazza89108988
202 Followers 596 Following Animal lover, mixed up kid, fan of dry humour, kindness is underrated, make love not war
ClickClack @ClikkClakk
1K Followers 3K Following 19 | Hip hop fan. https://t.co/MfhLArsBXQ. Minors + Shea Butter Twitter DNI. Tracy Chapman's biggest hater
Steve Dempsey @steviedee1313
42 Followers 472 Following
Roger Mitchell @MitchRoger
578 Followers 2K Following Managing Director - Wessex Pharmacies - Community Pharmacy Dorset Treasurer. All views are my own.
Roxee’s full time h.. @RoxeeBra
181 Followers 546 Following Monumental dick, Drinker of Wine. Posting pictures and funny tweets and banter about the boner machine @roxee_x
Caroline Booking.com_.. @Booking_Helplin
0 Followers 42 Following Welcome to my official Twitter handle
TM @LR227289
0 Followers 74 Following Trying to make new friends I have depression and anxiety and I love god and i have adhd
claire hall @clairehall4496
29 Followers 47 Following
Aston Martin @aston_martin999
269 Followers 851 Following
Jane Allton @JaneAllton
1 Followers 130 Following
Ethel Crimble @CrimbleEthel
705 Followers 1K Following East Anglian resident. Woman of some redeeming qualities but not others. Native Cumbrian. European. Queenager, not old thank you.
legoliberty @legoliberty
1 Followers 108 Following
Ginger Minx @GeeMinx
871 Followers 543 Following Adores good food and wine. , walking in Glencoe when i can. Loves a bit of banter, and a animal lover.also can't live without my music No DMs unless I know you.
Zoe King @miniminininja79
47 Followers 167 Following Sticking a mid fing up at life. Girl, geek, black sheep. Mum to 2 4 legged daughters. Pierced, tatted, single.
Alicia lucas💙 @Alicial08355707
935 Followers 2K Following Nurse. All views are my own 💙 #LFEcommunity
Barry @Fr3w
242 Followers 2K Following Global Philosopher,adventurer,eejjit. Goes by many aliases, such as That Bastard in the Coat,Him with the hair, and oi Goth! Fond of hugs,chinese food,and cake.
victoriahwriter @victoriahwriter
55 Followers 199 Following Formerly @ohwilduk. Starting afresh for 2024. Writer from the South Coast of the UK. Feminism, books, music, art.
Louise Blackford @ljblackford
57 Followers 437 Following
Bethan @bethanar
2K Followers 1K Following like a falling piano only much quieter. no lgb without the t. she/her. cis.
Dan @DanS_1984
153 Followers 297 Following
Angus Cameron @adhcameron
120 Followers 404 Following Writing made up stuff. Fan of both fantasy fiction and Arsenal FC, which is presumably not an accident. The Novel Studio 21/22
Lesley Nicola 🙀 �.. @LesleyS03049176
98 Followers 319 Following Straight talking, no nonsense human. Likes animals but cats are no1, positivity,flavoured gin, cheese and the great outdoors.
Alex Clarke @FromDroitwich
262 Followers 2K Following Droitwich raised, Birmingham based diagnostic radiographer and occasional drummer.
Seaside Life @NancyH411
43 Followers 232 Following Mom of 4, Grammy of 7. Family is everything. Everyone deserves a second chance.
Grain Jill @GrainJ77098
11 Followers 17 Following Here for Lego, Star Wars, geekiness and posting pics of things I made.
Essi Korhonen @essikoo
146 Followers 1K Following Lover of all things fun, smart, yummy, stylish, rocking, irreverent and brave 🥂🍷🌱
Primark @Primark
264K Followers 8K Following 🌈 Find Your Amazing. Customer Service enquiries: https://t.co/5ok7HOuEcb (Mon-Sat, 10am- 10pm)
Dan James @DanRhysJames
1K Followers 2K Following Christian, Husband to Jay, Dad of Aoife, Welsh exile, Pastor of Eyres Monsell Community Church in Leicester @ForTheMonsell
Adam @Adam37203757
222 Followers 2K Following
Colin Jones 💙 @68podge
155 Followers 1K Following I like stuff but don't say much. 🇾🇪 MUFC cockney red since '76
Mefisto1358 @MatMefist1835
127 Followers 1K Following
Timothy Timbury @14mj07
23 Followers 279 Following
Jack O'Sullivan @Sullyt4ek1d
144 Followers 673 Following Leftie-luvvie doctor who likes memes, curry, beer, football and nationalising private assets. For a socialist Republic and a big bag of cans!
Gill..Ⓥ💙🦋🐱.. @gillchilly
539 Followers 2K Following
Helen P @hels_68
109 Followers 494 Following Hels, HP, Mrs P….Mum to my wonderful Madeleine & William, Hockey Goalie🏑, Holiday Lover, Growing old disgracefully 🤪. (views & opinions are usually my own)
Dan @fund_slush
171 Followers 230 Following
Ivan Rodriguez @IvanRod16230361
32 Followers 2K Following soltero en busca de cualquier tipo de mujer
French Spandex Hot�.. @frenchHard34
1K Followers 2K Following #occitanie #couple hetero #Mr gere la page
Harry Halstead @HarryHalstead5
357 Followers 2K Following I am a Keen Wildlife Photographer and a Member of the RSPB
Ms Parsnip @parsnip45
10K Followers 2K Following Mum of 3, all grown up, them, not me. Laughs like Babs Windsor, loves maps, useless facts, history & cake, hates any sort of ‘ism
Amanda @Pandamoanimum
106K Followers 822 Following Welcome to my head. Please excuse the mess. You can buy me a coffee here: https://t.co/nHqykmDilU Threads: https://t.co/pmlQc89QB5
Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain
139K Followers 3K Following He/him. Illustrator, cartoonist, husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, second cousin, grandson, friend, acquaintance, enemy. @[email protected]
GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge
27K Followers 1K Following Screenwriter, comedian, actor, socialist and model. These are words. As are custard, trumpet, wardrobe, trousers and dandelion.
𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶 .. @perrigame
31K Followers 2K Following Came with a warning label but I ate it. Low riding junkie girl 🌷Owner of Amooz Boosh 🍭 🍰 🍪 🧁 🎂🍿𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙢📸 perri.nicole and amooz.boosh
joe heenan @joeheenan
67K Followers 3K Following Award losing stand up comedian. Co host of Stu & Joe's Big Dumb Film Show. Subscribe here https://t.co/Ts0zTiHNI9
Mitten d'Amour @MittenDAmour
21K Followers 483 Following I once bought a cold drink for a tramp on a hot day - turns out he wasn’t a secret millionaire; total fucking waste of 80p. (She/her)
mutable joe @mutablejoe
48K Followers 1K Following former blue tick | [email protected] | represented by @jounwin | buy me a coffee https://t.co/ohy98SjCxh
Rob Manuel 🍳 @robmanuel
44K Followers 884 Following I do @b3ta / @fesshole / @anon_opin - email: robmanuel @ gmail dot com - Buy The New Fesstament: https://t.co/VVRUZVMkuT
©ol @Bigshirtlesscol
7K Followers 736 Following I can type 300 wrods a minute. The Bollock Tyrant. Shockingly Mackem. Underrated account. 🏳️🌈 Ally
Tokyo Sexwhale @tokyosexwhale
22K Followers 991 Following IIllustrator | Commissions: [email protected]
Craig Deeley 🇪🇺.. @craiguito
21K Followers 7K Following I do stand-up and tweet silly things. My podcast Trish of the Day out now, link below.
Sarah Phelps @PhelpsieSarah
44K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter. Pervert. BBC Monster. Befuddler of Lord Sugar. Broken, sweaty ape. @phelpsiesarah.bsky.social
Zach Raffio @zachraffio
3K Followers 967 Following Editor-in-Chief @bwaybeatnews. Writer @REALpunknews. 2005 NBA Champion (I was only 12 so it’s a big deal).
Sandford Police @Sandford_Police
164K Followers 2K Following England’s smallest Police Farce, committed to catching crinimals & a swan. Don’t report crime. Emergency? Yes📞999 | No📞101 (PARODY/SATIRE) #TheGreaterGood
LGB🏳️🌈 @thelgbgroup
27K Followers 33 Following A youth movement to separate 'LGB' and 'TQ+'. LGB is only about same-SEX attraction and TQ is about 'gender identity'. Sex matters.
National Highways: We.. @HighwaysWMIDS
70K Followers 44 Following OFFICIAL FEED. Live traffic info on England’s motorways + major A roads. 🆘 In an emergency: phone 999 General enquiry: phone our contact centre 0300 123 5000
CMPG @CMPG
58K Followers 1K Following Central Motorway Police Group covers @StaffsPolice @WMPolice. DO NOT text or tweet when driving. Call 999 in emergency. Non emergency via Live Chat or call 101.
Dr. Dame Katy Denise .. @damekatydenise_
17K Followers 713 Following #TransAnimals & #ChairPoverty activist. TransBiPanLesbian. Ms Grimsby ‘82. Psychic & former stripper. PHD in Cat Psychiatry & Rodent Gender Studies. LGBTPARODY.
Sam O’Leary @mrSamOLeary
5K Followers 380 Following Director, Animator, Northern Clown. Inside No 9 (BBC 2), Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared (C4), (C4) Co-Host of @adultfilmclub_ 😞
Primark @Primark
264K Followers 8K Following 🌈 Find Your Amazing. Customer Service enquiries: https://t.co/5ok7HOuEcb (Mon-Sat, 10am- 10pm)
Joseph Ward @JWard232
582 Followers 2K Following Teach @shefunipolitics | research constitutional politics, state theory, political economy | trade unionist | views own | some likes = bookmarks.
big boy online @idonotbleed
11K Followers 446 Following web page for reading my posts and being my.friend
David Quantick @quantick
65K Followers 3K Following WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE AUSTEN? (French & Saunders, Radio 4). MISSY (Big Finish, 2024). RICKY'S HAND (Titan). BOOK OF LOVE (NOW Films). Emmy (VEEP).
James Dreyfus @DreyfusJames
106K Followers 18K Following Chinchilla-adjacent, neo-emu, pan, bi, polyfilla, & play-dough-masc. I’m hypothalamusly-fluid. I eat Lego. enby/st8/they/slay/zit/yak 💅🏻
Benny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrct
absolutely insane com.. @insanepplYT
846K Followers 19 Following DM submissions | turn post notifications on
Vitt @vitt2tsnoc
33K Followers 6K Following Sorceress of the alphabet. Casting spells on copy. Book lover. Talking clock auditionee. Personable. Charming. Own many quills. Will write for cash or custard.
zach silberberg @zachsilberberg
53K Followers 4K Following tv in new york. no views my own. my birthday is this year
Phil Pagett @Phil_Pagett
3K Followers 970 Following Stand-up comedian and joke writer. Host @jackpot_comedy.
Absolute Radio @absoluteradio
273K Followers 144K Following Real music matters. Home of Dave Berry, Frank Skinner, Jason Manford and the No Repeat Guarantee. https://t.co/6jXHM7IRCx https://t.co/6WMjWxDsYY
Peter Doherty @petedoherty
101K Followers 335 Following
Amber Rose @DaRealAmberRose
3.6M Followers 726 Following
katie antoniou @katieantoniou
5K Followers 5K Following Words you want, baby I got ‘em. Bylines in The Guardian, Stylist, Psychologies, Time Out. Person with narcolepsy. Ex Londoner. She/her
Simon Griffiths @SPGriffiths
1K Followers 825 Following Reader in British Politics @GoldsmithsUoL. Public services, political parties and ideologies. Sporadic tweeter.
Keston Cobblers Club @KestonCobblers
4K Followers 803 Following New single Here We Go out Oct 6th, E.P dropping in Nov 2023 and UK Nov tour dates too at https://t.co/9vgpqNKB2S
Rich Wilson @IamRichWilson
7K Followers 3K Following Award nominated and award winning podcast: Insane In The Men Brain 🧠 Sign up to my patreonhttp://patreon.com/menbrainpodcast0
Lionella ❤️ @x_zaich
7K Followers 5K Following Spiller of coffee • Misser of flights • Taker of notes • Nap queen • Licensed to chill
Ed Jefferson @edjeff
4K Followers 1K Following writes/codes/talks about things no-one else would bother to. e dot jefferson at gmail. he/him. @edjeff elsewhere also. hmm
the people who run th.. @thepeoplewhorun
155 Followers 51 Following the people who run the country roll their misanthropic fun wagon of pop into 2022. Feat./ @lukewrightpoet @cobbler_uk
Cobbler @Cobbler_uk
2K Followers 3K Following Electronic musician and producer. One half of @thepeoplewhorun. One third of @dogsdontdeal. One whole of Cobbler. https://t.co/GFgtciXbXz
Chris Youles @ChrisYoules
17K Followers 17K Following Assistant Head, author, writing nerd and Italian horror/David Bowie fan. https://t.co/mX5YgaA8OU
Meg Stalter @megstalter
177K Followers 2K Following My name is Meg Stalter I’m 5’7 I’m living in LA and a fun fact about me is something bad happened to my cousin https://t.co/7VYjghT2Ta
Criminal Posts @crim_tweets_
1.0M Followers 0 Following sources for twitters most criminal tweets | turn post notifications on
Science Diagrams that.. @scienceshitpost
695K Followers 2 Following
National Highways @NationalHways
128K Followers 55 Following Looking after England's trunk roads and motorways. This channel doesn't have traffic info - see https://t.co/wMjtJCaxfD. To contact us: https://t.co/VncsyFs9wM
WMP Traffic @Trafficwmp
53K Followers 1K Following Your WMP Traffic Unit. Taking criminals off the roads, educating, enforcing & here to help. Call 999 in an emergency. Non emergency via Live Chat or call 101.
Marshall Julius 🚀 @MarshallJulius
107K Followers 98K Following Nerd 🤓 Rondo-winning Word Monkey 🐒 Co-author #MastersOfMakeUpEffects 📖 Obtainer of rare antiquities 🦕 SWAG Etsy 🤖 BLOG Words of Nerd 🔗👇
Just Llama Business, .. @LlamaBusiness
3K Followers 5K Following Do I look like I’ve done meat bingo?
David Shrigley @davidshrigley
106K Followers 146 Following 197cm tall. Artist. Likes pens, rulers, etc.“I’ve been to London to visit the Queen…”
When you turn up and all the children have already been groomed
I've been staying with a friend who has a dog who whimpers every time he goes to the bathroom. I am now currently on the loo and I just heard my friend yell, "She's in the bathroom! She'll be back!" and realising that a dog misses you might be the best feeling in the world.
Your Friend Who Has Intellectualised His Mental Health
@PicturesFoIder Bro 💀💀💀, ain't no way he did just that ..
A message of gratitude & solidarity for Mr. Nicolason’s message of gratitude & solidarity from Patti.
@dom_lucre Fake women are trashy to me
I had a wet wet wet dream last night, when I woke up my Pellow was gone.
I just got told to grow up and leave trans women alone on facebook by whatever the fuck this is. The internet is mental.
@SummerRay Dont fall for the cuteness. The are scientifically known for eating grandma's.
it’s giving girl does coke and writes 30 songs in one night that sound exactly the same bc she found out Beyonce and Lana are coming out with new albums and she needs to stay relevant
Common sense stopped after the first wave.
A thread. People ask all the time, how can these men feel good about cheating women? I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. They know they aren’t “winning” and we all know it too. So what gives?
@KirstieMAllsopp If you actually listened to what @jk_rowling is saying, you might come to realise she IS the middle ground. Nothing controversial about women preserving their rights & boundaries. Absolutely nothing. 10 years ago this entire debate would be considered risible & unnecessary.
Pubs are, by definition, venues for adults and it is completely normal to want to spend time in those spaces. Have a discussion about family friendly spaces if you want but to equate child-free drinking with excluding minorities is just insulting!
I don’t see an issue with this? It’s exactly why I stay in adult only hotels so I don’t have to listen to some annoying fucking iPad game
I guess wearing that dildo at the children's cancer charity event must have given him quite the rush.
I listened to this interview with artist Grayson Perry today. Found his answer to this question - about the discomfort some people feel seeing a man in a dress - rather revealing…
@kimwexlcrs I’m sorry but not wanting to be around someone else’s kids is valid.
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