Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa

Former teacher, current SAHM to two little boys, and wife to a Midwest 9/10. Michigan, USA Joined September 2018

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2K
Followers

774
Following

1K
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10K

Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa

6 years ago

IF EXPENSIVE THINGS COULD STOP BREAKING THAT WOULD BE AWESOME

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Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa

6 years ago

It’s trying to escape!!! 😱

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John Cena @SohnCena

6 years ago

Dear responsibilities, I am hereby resigning in my role as an adult effective immediately. Sincerely, Go fuck yourself

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Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa

6 years ago

Taught my son to say “night night stinky dada” and I’ve never been prouder

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As I frantically run around the house preparing for a party, my husband does really helpful things like: Set the time on that one clock. Aimlessly walk around. Put something directly on a surface I just cleaned. Start hanging the curtains I asked him to hang 3 weeks ago.

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Andrew Kirell 🤙🏻 @AndrewKirell

8 years ago

@VP

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Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa

6 years ago

My husband: *breaking out in a rash at the faintest whiff of perfume* Me: Lord, when I said I wanted a sensitive man, this isn’t what I meant...

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Diane Auten @DianeAuten

6 years ago

#momlife number 341: When you see a 1-inch hair on your cheek, and pray to God it's not attached. p.s. it was 🙄

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Nathalie with an h @nnnatchos

7 years ago

I can feel the burn building inside.. Pass the Tums please.

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Momarazzi. @Mirimade

6 years ago

Cowboy: Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Me: Okay. Cowboy: Really? Swee-why are you putting on spurs. Me: Now, this bar might be uncomfortable in your mouth but it’s only to guide you.

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saradactyl @girlnarly

7 years ago

him: i’m a first responder me: (bad at texting) oh no

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Scrappy Sue @scrappy_momma

6 years ago

It's ok, you don't have to be hot all the time. Our coffee gets cold sometimes and we just warm it up in the microwave til it's hot again. Did I do that right?

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andrew @AndrewChamings

7 years ago

wife: [holding our new puppy] aw, don’t scare him me: there are 18 million vacant homes in the US, that’s enough for every homeless person to have six puppy: holy shit

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Son of Dad @ThugRaccoons

6 years ago

Me: Oh really, Linda? And just WHO is this Braxton Hicks guy you keep talking about? Wife: *strangles me with maternity pants*

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2drink @2_drinkminimum

6 years ago

Question me again SIRI I dare you.

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Jessica @TheyCallMeMaaaa

6 years ago

My parents used to have screaming matches over money, so when I went over budget this month, I was nervous to tell my husband. His response...to imitate Mr. Crabs and yell: “SPONGEBOB, YER SPENDING ALL ME MONEY!” And that was the end of the conversation 😝 ❤️

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Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ @maryfairybobrry

6 years ago

As soon as our waiter introduced himself at dinner tonight, one of my kids says, “when my mom looks extra constipated, she’s about to sneeze.” In case you were on the fence about having kids.