SpacedMom @copymama

Writer of freelance copy. Cultivator of small humans. Documenter of absurdity. / Header by the talented @mommy_cusses x.com/search?q=From%… The land of caw-fee and dawgs Joined May 2009

Tweets

44K
Followers

23K
Following

3K
Likes

58K

SpacedMom @copymama

10 months ago

[Arriving in Hell] *Satan hands me a phone where every app has notifications but no matter how many times I try to clear them the red dots just won’t go away*

1 7 30 2K 0

McDad @mcdadstuff

10 months ago

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P

12 155 1K 34K 14

Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56

10 months ago

A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords... "You're a lifesaver! Hang on while I grab a pen and paper."

18 231 3K 45K 33

nay (dino) 🖤🍒 @Lilblack_heart

10 months ago

me: i make a mean grilled cheese my grilled cheese: go fuck yourself

17 62 294 14K 7

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

10 months ago

One-upping the other new members at juggling club by starting with katanas

1 35 70 6K 2

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

10 months ago

Anyone under 6ft 4 who wants to use an umbrella in a crowd should have to do a course.

2 28 72 4K 2

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

10 months ago

In France, automobile thieves are called carjacquers.

6 63 129 6K 3

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

10 months ago

Back in the day Mike Tyson was known as Iron Mike and he was a Fe-nom send tweet

7 40 86 5K 2

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

10 months ago

[Getting tazed on the bus] I’m the conductor now lmfaoooo

3 67 209 11K 2

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

10 months ago

[sees a guy selling drugs outside the supermarket] *whispers to self* Pablo Tescobar

4 37 107 5K 5

meghan @deloisivete

10 months ago

Feeling betrayed because my kid found my stash of Reese's peanut butter cups that I originally took from his stash

8 21 192 6K 3

Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO

10 months ago

What must a pancake think when it's being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

15 98 244 12K 8

When people talk about someone who died, they’re always like “They had the biggest heart, they would have done anything for you,” but I feel like when I die they’ll be like “She would sometimes text you some halfhearted advice.”