Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones
Drunken troublesome wit, born with half the blood but none of the luck of the Irish. More exciting than an Amish funeral. (He/Him) Aldershot, England Joined April 2010-
Tweets5K
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Followers273
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Following879
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Marie Vassiltchikov, Berlin office worker: "Bosses were puzzled by huge consumption of toilet paper. They thought the staff were suffering mass diarrhoea."
Rishi Sunak claimed multiple times on BBC #r4today that the voters have voted for the Rwanda Scheme many times. In reality we haven't been given a single chance to vote on it. So I will give you one here... RT, if it is expensive, hateful trash. Like, if you want it.
On May 2nd, you can send a message to Rishi Sunak Together, we can #StopTheTories Here's the plan... 🧵 1/7
64) Chessbot. Plays chess against you, but not *too* well. #SmallRobotsRemastered
“People are not 3 times sicker than they were a decade ago” says the man whose party has systematically destroyed the NHS over the past decade or so.
“People are not 3 times sicker than they were a decade ago” says the man whose party has systematically destroyed the NHS over the past decade or so.
Here is @RishiSunak setting back the campaign for mental health parity at least a decade. This is un-evidenced, performative cruelty. It's disgusting.
Here is @RishiSunak setting back the campaign for mental health parity at least a decade. This is un-evidenced, performative cruelty. It's disgusting.
We're going Dench and Wilton, right?
No one should profit from the delivery of public healthcare. True then, true now, true always. RT if you agree 💙
@jennie_kermode Let's hope that somebody picks up on this too ⬇️ which would imply that the intended outcome was set from the outset x.com/sullivansa1/st…
@jennie_kermode Let's hope that somebody picks up on this too ⬇️ which would imply that the intended outcome was set from the outset x.com/sullivansa1/st…
Here's my article on why the Cass review is bad science but suits the politics of a desperate Conservative government - at the expense of vulnerable children. yorkshirebylines.co.uk/politics/the-c…
Trans people are who they say they are and deserve to live their lives without being constantly questioned or told they aren’t who they say they are.
Strong 'somebody shit my pants' vibe here
Strong 'somebody shit my pants' vibe here
The UK is as strong as ever
So… - Illegal to use monarch in political advertising - Aston Martin is Canadian owned - Great to see the British football team line up - Film & creative arts education is being slashed I missed anything?
Bloody Tom Cruise. I bet flipping Simon Pegg was there as well
Bloody Tom Cruise. I bet flipping Simon Pegg was there as well
A message to our fans from Team Principal, Mike Krack.
Love this.
Everything the Royal Family did while Kate was being “treated for cancer.” A thread: — Feb 8, 2024: My date with Tom Cruise
I think it’s pretty bizarre to tell the whole world it isn’t cancer, then refuse to give details, put out a manipulated photo, get caught, allow conspiracy theories to swirl for over a week, and then announce cancer. It’s even more bizarre to shame the public for speculating,…
Can't think why that's unacceptable but Team GB was absolutely grand in 2012. Definitely no ulterior motive here....
Can't think why that's unacceptable but Team GB was absolutely grand in 2012. Definitely no ulterior motive here.... https://t.co/0YQpJeetKt
Sylvia Deare @DeareSylvi9088
72 Followers 5K Following
McDeshe @DesheMc22973
44 Followers 2K Following
ValentinaPope @5YthQIr7x456kW7
2 Followers 193 Following
Pisles @Pisles185191
51 Followers 2K Following
Ava-rose Bado @AvaBado27296
33 Followers 5K Following
Santana Chaidez @chaid_sant
47 Followers 5K Following
Shan Jefford @JeffordSha31094
77 Followers 5K Following
Shirley Farlow @ShirlFarl
80 Followers 5K Following
Shanell Schuessler @ShanellSch20010
8 Followers 3K Following
Merryn Giaquinta @GiaquintaM98732
75 Followers 5K Following
ELON MUSK REEVE @ElonReeve56
102 Followers 3K Following
Alison Meunier @MeuniAliso
46 Followers 5K Following
us_Sydney_ @SydneyUs9477
27 Followers 2K Following
Jada Baumgart @baumga_ja
91 Followers 5K Following
Marci Bundick @MarcBund
88 Followers 5K Following
Gwendolyn Whittmore @GwendolynW64194
56 Followers 5K Following
Lily-rose Lindquist @LindquistL77405
99 Followers 5K Following
Stephani Kalberer @StephaKalbere
41 Followers 5K Following
Lily-grace Hicks @hicks_lily69584
71 Followers 5K Following
Allison Motyka @mot_alli
31 Followers 5K Following
Elisha Bentler @bent_elis
59 Followers 5K Following
Thea Sewell @sewe_th
45 Followers 5K Following
Rachel Hornes @rache_horn
86 Followers 5K Following
Richard Pulsford @RichardPulsford
9K Followers 8K Following UK Pun Champion 2022 & current SCOTY runner-up. Top 10 Jokes EdinFringe 2019-22. 2024 tour: Get Rich Quick. JOKE BOOK Punball Wizard PODCAST It Just So Happened
George Bissada @BissaGeor
10 Followers 3K Following
Luci Kensinger @KensingerL28085
15 Followers 3K Following
Demetrice Adamos @adam_demetric
21 Followers 3K Following
Felicitas Darkis @dark_felicita
73 Followers 5K Following
Zara-rose Ritmiller @ZRitmiller72751
52 Followers 5K Following
Dell Donado @dell_donad
45 Followers 5K Following
Teshepa @teshepa50117
186 Followers 5K Following
OddsForce @Oddsforce
36 Followers 60 Following The best betting and gaming offers from the leading online operators. We’ve got betting and gaming promotions...sorted! 18+ https://t.co/yYNBBzNn6r
AldaBaskins @AldaBaskin62337
82 Followers 2K Following
Suzy Ausbrooks @AusbrooksS43354
35 Followers 5K Following
Avalynn Klingen @AvalynnKli97587
28 Followers 5K Following
Caren Schleimer @CarenSchle46155
58 Followers 5K Following
Oliver Fuentes @OliverFuen9453
84 Followers 3K Following
Thuseete @thuseete52143
44 Followers 1K Following
Smesism @smesism94377
155 Followers 3K Following
Raguel Lassiter @LassiterRa39655
37 Followers 5K Following
FIXED MATCHES ONLY @official81529
242 Followers 6K Following join our winning platform for free to win everyday https://t.co/iO0WCcLlkt
blessing @immissingyou0
24 Followers 126 Following
Marjorie @carlos77marjori
136 Followers 3K Following
Ana Mcknight @McknightAn438
106 Followers 3K Following
Hampshire Police @HantsPolice
208K Followers 684 Following Policing #Hampshire & #IsleofWight. Don't report crime here. Report online or 999 in an emergency. Not monitored 24/7
Chris Packham @ChrisGPackham
631K Followers 637 Following Wildlife TV Presenter & Conservationist – sign up to my newsletter below. #RestoreNatureNow
2000's WWE @2000s_WWE
165K Followers 110 Following Showcasing memorable WWE moments around the 2000s! |Not PG| (Parody/Fan Account, not affiliated with @WWE)
The Dorset Seafood Fe.. @DorsetSeafood
7K Followers 3K Following Multi-award-winning Dorset Seafood Festival 7th-8th September 2024. Delicious seafood on the Weymouth Peninsula.
Yesterday's Print @yesterdaysprint
106K Followers 1K Following A collection of old photographs, historic newspaper clippings and assorted excerpts highlighting the parallels of past and present. https://t.co/J12Ubid7fr
Noel Gallagher @NoelGallagher
1.3M Followers 4 Following Official Noel Gallagher Twitter page maintained by his label Sour Mash. New album 'Council Skies' - Out now.
Jason Manford @JasonManford
459K Followers 3K Following Brand new stand up tour ' A Manford all Seasons' ON SALE NOW Tickets: https://t.co/rzw0lnEppm
edith bowman @edibow
240K Followers 2K Following TV, Radio & Podcasts are my game. Music & Film are my loves. @soundtrackinguk is my passion. Also check out The Crown podcast and Play Next for @bmw_uk
Liam Gallagher @liamgallagher
3.7M Followers 0 Following RNR STAR GODLIKE RASTA ICON LEGEND BIBLICAL OMNIPRESENT PROPHET SPIRITUAL MAJESTICAL CELESTIAL OPTIMYSTIC BUDDHIST JEDI APPROACHABLE ZEN LOVER HUMBLE 🐝
Cloudy 🌥️ (estro.. @oncloud_e
340K Followers 444 Following transgender sweetheart, 'belle delpeen' • acab • 18+ • ig: oncloud.e ✨ e-girl on e, and e is for estrogen ✨
The Right Can’t Mem.. @TheRightCant
232K Followers 115 Following i like to laugh at conservatives trying to be funny
CAMRA @CAMRA_Official
69K Followers 1K Following We campaign for real ale, real pubs & consumer rights. Our vision is to have quality real ale, cider and perry and thriving pubs in every community. 🍻
Nic @tismenic70
15K Followers 7K Following Tis me. Published photographer. Follow if you like photos and rubbish jokes Only art DMs. Thank you 😊
Hugh Grant @HackedOffHugh
834K Followers 1K Following
Remembering WCW @RememberingWCW
7K Followers 2K Following Match clips, pics & memories from World Championship Wrestling
Steam @Steam
8.5M Followers 11 Following Steam, The Ultimate Online Game Platform. Follow us here for news on the latest releases and special promotions! For support: https://t.co/ecoSK7uTBx
Tony Schiavone @tonyschiavone24
162K Followers 579 Following Wrong place to discuss politics. POLITICS=BLOCKED #dontgiveashit 📧 [email protected] for personal appearances and autographs signings ONLY
Rob Grace Comedy @RobGraceComedy
602 Followers 354 Following Laughter is the best medicine - unless you’re diabetic, in which case I believe insulin is quite important.
Richard Pulsford @RichardPulsford
9K Followers 8K Following UK Pun Champion 2022 & current SCOTY runner-up. Top 10 Jokes EdinFringe 2019-22. 2024 tour: Get Rich Quick. JOKE BOOK Punball Wizard PODCAST It Just So Happened
Campaign for Pubs @CampaignforPubs
7K Followers 6K Following The grassroots campaign to promote-support-protect #pubs. We bring campaigners #publicans #brewers-all #pub-lovers together as the #RealVoiceforPubs JOIN today!
Eric Bischoff @EBischoff
312K Followers 507 Following Had some fun in the TV biz. Co-host of @83Weeks podcast - https://t.co/BqgztlpU2Q. WWE Hall of Fame. #WiseChoices #HeatIsLife #Grateful
Right Wing Cope @RightWingCope
417K Followers 139 Following DM Submissions, documenting cope in all forms | "happily lapping up vintage sour grievances" - Slate | Manager: @IAteTheMango
Dillie Keane @DillieKeane
8K Followers 237 Following Sort-of-widowed, satirical songwriter, cabaret artiste, founder member of @FascinatingAida, ancient eco-blogger of https://t.co/kC3o4aKaNQ.
Fascinating Aïda @FascinatingAida
12K Followers 133 Following British musical satirical cabaret act featuring @DillieKeane @liza_pulman & Adèle Anderson accompanied by @michaelroulston. 40th Anniversary Show!
Great British Getty I.. @shitbritishpics
61K Followers 394 Following History, PR stunts, and more from the Getty Images treasure trove. Kudos to everyone featured, esp. photographers ✉️🥂📷 Captions taken from Getty. Blame them.
sara cox💙 @sarajcox
842K Followers 3K Following
Bilal Zafar | TOURING.. @Zafarcakes
19K Followers 1K Following TOUR: https://t.co/GQv3qdHGzX Agent: [email protected]
OddsMonkey @OddsMonkey
5K Followers 232 Following OddsMonkey are the UK's original & best #MatchedBetting company. We've helped 450k+ matched bettors earn thousands! Start for free today at https://t.co/6BsBQ2QURJ 🐵
toob broadband @toobbroadband
3K Followers 84 Following providing fast & reliable full-fibre broadband every home and business deserves | 900 Mbps download | 900 Mbps upload | no line rental | only £25 a month
Fuller's @Fullers
17K Followers 1K Following Beautiful pubs and hotels across Southern England, each more unique than the last. https://t.co/74b3jLcFrp
India Willoughby @IndiaWilloughby
80K Followers 9K Following Broadcaster/Journalist. World’s 1st Trans Newsreader. 21st Century Suffragette. Indisputably Female. Patron of the legendary Keighley Cougars ⭐️🏳️⚧️💚
Meldrew Point @MeldrewPoint
20K Followers 20 Following To reach Meldrew Point, you must be 19,537 days old: the same age as Richard Wilson when episode 1 of One Foot In The Grave was aired. Inspired by @BrimleyLine.
William Regal @RealKingRegal
827K Followers 120 Following WWE.Washed up Pro Wrestler/Turn and all round theatrical ‘83-now. Once was a Steve then a Lord. One Nation Under A Groove. Northern Soul.BCC.
Tommy Dreamer @THETOMMYDREAMER
588K Followers 444 Following Wrestler, @siriusxm host Listen @BustedOpenradio Coffee entrepreneur Hardcore Cafe @port_coffee
_GrandpaD__Old School.. @_GrandPaD
3K Followers 186 Following Proud Dad and Grandpa. Navy vet. Former resident & lover of Las Vegas. @GrandpaD.bsky.social
Glenn Hughes @glenn_hughes
137K Followers 915 Following Official Twitter of 2016 @rockhall inductee. Vocalist / bass guitarist / songwriter, Glenn Hughes, is a true original. #GlennHughes
Michael Spicer @MrMichaelSpicer
505K Followers 2K Following michael spicer: no room on bbc sounds and radio 4 subscribe now please i didn’t pay for my check mark
James O'Brien @mrjamesob
1.2M Followers 4K Following Buy ‘How They Broke Britain’ here: https://t.co/l1OeqaJPce
Led By Donkeys @ByDonkeys
932K Followers 1 Following Art, activism and accountability 🐴. All our work is funded by the public, no big donors. Become a supporter👇. DMs open 📩.
Vintage Maps @vintagemapstore
307K Followers 5 Following Exploring the world through the lens of cartography and design. 🗺️ Vintage maps, propaganda posters, modern infographics, and heraldry.
Alice Cooper @alicecooper
938K Followers 28 Following Official Alice Cooper 🔪 Alice’s Band: @BeastoBlanco @RyanRoxie @Hurricanenita @DisVicious1 @Glen_Sobel. New Album 'Road' Out Now.
feel bad for laughing, feel worse for taking a photo, but here we are and there it goes
I just want everyone to look at this penguin who is excited for a cuddle
i don't care how many years i've been out for, i still get a kick out of it when strangers gender me correctly in public
Me reviewing the new ABC single in the NME, 1980. Phil McNeill, one of the paper's more grown up and steady writers, must have quietly told me he quite liked the group. I seem to have pounced upon this. It was a great time to be a pop journalist.
Yeah, and we’ve just won Best Hotel for Press Conferences! 🥇 🏆
Congratulations, Donald. Quite the accomplishment.
Ariana Grande was sexually abused by Hollywood pedophile producers. People are saying Dan Schneider made her touch her uvula with his 🍆 and made her say this publicly on camera for his sexual pleasure.
My neighbors just got home from seeing Ghostbusters and they were dressed up AS THE GHOSTBUSTERS and I asked them how it was and they both, in unison, without pausing even for a moment, said "Terrible."
A contemplative judicious lot @PrincesHall. Thoroughly enjoyed the size of the stage tonight. @TheAlPorter and I coming back after a mini break were effective but not sharp. Lotsa great moments but still #braveslose #inatightone
@ThatDaveJones Hi Dave, once your trip has passed your tickets won't be available to see on the app. As you've booked e tickets, you can access the PDFs for your trip in the second email we sent you. Thanks, Keith
@ThatDaveJones Hi Dave, there is a very limited service operating from Woking to Winchester currently. If you can postpone your journey, your ticket will be valid to travel tomorrow. Apologies. ^TW
So let me quickly reprise this, since apparently it's not evident to everyone. One of my kids is an enby. He is a beautiful, sweet, happy kid (hid kindness I consider to be possibly my greatest achievement) who gets no grief at school for wearing a skirt, and who knows that (1/n)
I’m all for sophisticated wordplay, but in the bathroom at the airport earlier today, someone at a urinal let out a long, fairly tuneful fart. Guy next to him said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Louis Armstrong…” and I haven’t stopped laughing.
‘I , Squeaky Owl will decide when the scritching will cease.’
Again, not fake news.
Sophie Ellis-Bextor says at the age of 44 she feels too old to learn any new board games. “I’m done,” she told reporters
If bears are so dangerous then explain this
After his touching tribute to Frank Beckenbauer goes viral, Joey Barton questions how many women would be able to name other legendary players like John Cruyff, Robert Baggio and Derek Maradona
Each sentence of the second paragraph surprised me more than the last. This reads like a Mad Libs
🎶 She’s making a list, she’s checking it twice, she’s gonna share things that are funny and nice 🎶 Yes, it is time for the eighth (!) annual year-end thread where I share little heartwarming bits I loved throughout the year. Settle in and enjoy 💕
Something weird going on… don’t think everyone’s seeing this post 👇 either (I’ve just screenshotted it). If you click on my profile, my pinned tweet is the one at the top. Crossing my fingers, thanks guys!🤞💙🌟
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