Fruit Pie the Magic Ian @ianpauldukes
A person with thoughts and feelings, and real fruit filling. Co-host of @BlastZonePod a show about movies that bombed. twitter.com/search?f=tweet… Los Angeles Joined April 2007-
Tweets34K
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Followers7K
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Following2K
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Likes144K
in my younger days I was a big baseball fan but I can't stay up that late anymore
Me: what about the time I saw 400 sets of footprints in the snow Jesus: pretty sure those were marching penguins
jesus take the wheel, my smartwatch is telling me it’s time to stand up
Seinfeld: *stuck watching the roku city screensaver because the battery died in the remote* Where's all the edgy comedy? TV's gone woke!
ME: *takes communion wafer* thank you father PRIEST: did you just put a little pepperoni on that
If you see a bear on your walk and you were scared but didn't die, congratulations: you got a glimpse of what being a woman can be like.
Don't shit on my back and tell me it's raining.. if anything, you should be pissing when you do that
*making a queasy face* Sorry, I have G.I. issues (don't like it when soldiers shoot me)
Local car dealership commercials are great because when I’m about to make a large purchase that will impact my credit for years I really want to entrust that decision to the goofiest dipshit imaginable
Where was his Oscar nom
As a woman, I just want the same rights as a rattlesnake.
Fine I’ll do it. I will buy TikTok so it doesn’t have to shut down. But I’m gonna be super irresponsible with everybody’s data
🚨NEW EPISODE 🚨 We’re back and we’re talking about 2016’s Civil War/Reconstruction drama FREE STATE OF JONES
Gonna get my eye looked at today.. usually it's the other way around
Added some more upcoming eps to the Letterbox’d! boxd.it/sUr5C
they call my humor "absurd" because it's absolutely surd
Me, after playing Hot Cross Buns on the recorder: Honestly I didn't write that, it was a cover. I'm working on some originals though.
"I worry this is only gonna help trump" I say as I shovel the last scoop of dirt onto his coffin
When someone else is taking a while in self checkout: They have no clue what they're doing. I, on the other hand, am a self checkout prodigy. A genius, people claim. When I'm taking a while in self checkout: This is a scenario that could not be avoided by even the wisest prophet
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
tate @50FirstTates
36K Followers 623 Following just body after body busting out of shit wood and hittin pavement
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 890 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 985 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Roxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt
65K Followers 1K Following Extremely online internet gremlin & comedy content creator 🥄💜 @roxiqt on Bluesky & TikTok 🦝 https://t.co/JbrOVGHJgp ✨
Royotathon 🚘 @Royotathon
12K Followers 871 Following idiot. one time documentary subject. Métis. he/him https://t.co/wJiiuU7cAz
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Crockett Houghton @CrockettForReal
29K Followers 924 Following Your Princess is in another castle. ⤵️
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
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Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Indy @IndecisiveJones
19K Followers 886 Following husband, father, animation aficionado, man trapped in the body of a penguin, pfp by @obscureaaron
pat++ @patsatweetin
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Mariana 🇺🇸 @sunday5clement
87 Followers 283 Following I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.
Jason Benn 🏡 · sc.. @jasoncbenn
4K Followers 3K Following Creating multigenerational scenius. Founded the Neighborhood. 10% of profits from home sales go to -REDACTED-. It takes a village! https://t.co/cF0WngvubS
👑 King Purcival �.. @purcival
2K Followers 1K Following Closet agoraphobic. 😨 Movie fanatic. 🎥 Wannabe Game Dev 🎮 Obsessive-compulsive. 🧠 Creating internet content since 2006. 💾 DM for business inquiries.
Pedro GomezLatorre @PedroGoLa
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Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
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Paul Schofield @pschofie79
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Henry Sonko✝️ @HenrySonko51193
197 Followers 3K Following While we don't have Jesus standing right before us, we have unlimited opportunities to serve Him as though He were.✝️🙏🏾
Shaynero19 @Shaynero191
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Sautocap @Caleb6178237486
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Matt H @ZalcarKotran
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Vitamina tarım @Vitaminatarim
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MEYVECİLER FRESH @Meyveciler10434
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Hangry Dad @walterflipstick
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Mäh💙1887 @MaerdschiCare
369 Followers 1K Following 🐑#nurderHSV💙 @HSV home sweet home 27A #newlyfootballaddicted @SeattleSeahawks #12s #Wortgetüdel #Boldt, Baby #nachtswach #alwaysinlove #föhrliebt🦭
Laura Negraeff @LauraNegraeff
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Blather Wince Repeat @xerxesbigboy
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Jared Peoples @jared__peoples
190 Followers 1K Following Kim’s husband. Assistant Principal at St. Clair County High School.
Nicole Westre 💖�.. @NicoleWestre
178 Followers 700 Following Attorney and Semi-Adult. Co-host on seasons 2&3 of @Decades_Podcast. https://t.co/G8JWnqgKBP
cussie @the_valley33001
219 Followers 5K Following free&fair_use™️. the_valley is indy; no commissions; not for sale; not for profit. @shilohsbeehive
Eastern Ave @Eastern_Av
49 Followers 113 Following I don’t have a diary or a secretary so I put my thoughts here
Aaron Wiener @Wieneraaron
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unitton @unitton1
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daniel day lewis @Sharma110311
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🦕 @DinoCirillo
206 Followers 722 Following
🦋 @gcsfhhdnhxbb
3 Followers 63 Following
🦋Lænį Røšę �.. @parilani
6K Followers 1K Following lowercase human. been referred to as "ethereal. a non sequitur, if you will." --will answer astro questions for tips--
FundamentalLack @FundamentalLack
269 Followers 526 Following
Sue Gibbs @SuehmGibbs
39 Followers 1K Following Gathered on the site of girls from all US states 😈 Ready for a 1 on 1 meeting Some have naked profile photos! Watching this https://t.co/fYtHJb626S
Itsawerk @itsawerk
390 Followers 2K Following Happily married and dad to three WONDERFUL kiddos. Also, giant CHI sports fan and noted wrestling dork.
Pink Socks🔞 @Socks_VRC
572 Followers 2K Following Loves lewd stuff / Mostly-Mute Femboy / 🔞Makes and Likes Lewd Content 🔞/ I really like feet and COCK.
Joe Whyte @JoeWhyte_1
2K Followers 2K Following just being JOE/Electrical Engineer/ @ManUtd fan/ Football lover. ❤️
Muskan @MuskanG40925833
4 Followers 206 Following
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
tate @50FirstTates
36K Followers 623 Following just body after body busting out of shit wood and hittin pavement
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 890 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 985 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Roxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt
65K Followers 1K Following Extremely online internet gremlin & comedy content creator 🥄💜 @roxiqt on Bluesky & TikTok 🦝 https://t.co/JbrOVGHJgp ✨
Royotathon 🚘 @Royotathon
12K Followers 871 Following idiot. one time documentary subject. Métis. he/him https://t.co/wJiiuU7cAz
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Crockett Houghton @CrockettForReal
29K Followers 924 Following Your Princess is in another castle. ⤵️
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Indy @IndecisiveJones
19K Followers 886 Following husband, father, animation aficionado, man trapped in the body of a penguin, pfp by @obscureaaron
pat++ @patsatweetin
14K Followers 969 Following Bulbasaur is the best starter. Spoony bard. Enemy of the letter 'W'
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
horse dentist @equine__dentist
30K Followers 876 Following horse god formerly known as balthazar the exalted
Tom Vaughan @storyandplot
9K Followers 604 Following Daily Tweets on screenwriting. Writer of 8 films, including WINCHESTER + others. I share what I've learned as a pro at https://t.co/TECqRNjU1B and @UHouston 🐾
Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse
136K Followers 3K Following •America’s Stepdad•@jortscenterpod•alt @wapplehouse•
Brian Jordan Alvarez @brianjoralvarez
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The Black List @theblcklst
172K Followers 583 Following The Black List connects writers, filmmakers, and cinephiles around the world.
BASILISK @BASILISK_gg
4K Followers 64 Following Esports org playing for the #ScienceVictory https://t.co/N6wldxOmaF
Django Gold @django
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cass city @HeavenlyGrandpa
27K Followers 869 Following i’m cassidy kulhanek i’m a comedian and my dad is very proud of me!
Pessimus Prime respaw.. @_pessimusprime
769 Followers 380 Following They tried to cancel me. They failed. No one will stop me tweeting about Barry Chuckle. YOU HEAR ME ELON?
Emily St. J. Mandel @EmilyMandel
42K Followers 2K Following Six novels, including Sea of Tranquility, The Glass Hotel, and Station Eleven. Instagram: @emilystjohnmandel.
Jorie Graham @jorie_graham
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Kate Crawford @katecrawford
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North American Friend.. @nafmcpodcast
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Will Sennett @Senn_Spud
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Dobes Crusher @DobesCrusher
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i heart glizzies @iheartglizzies
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The Help Wanted Show @helpwantedshow
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♥mark magark♥ @markedly
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Director Jail @lmaodrafthouse
141 Followers 31 Following lmaodrafthouse*bsky*social // @[email protected] // Movie+TV jokes and deep dive geekery. You already follow my main.🤘He/Him
No Favstar?, No Probl.. @NoFavstarNoProb
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Syllvie @syllviemusic
2K Followers 536 Following I'm Em, 21, (stage name Syllvie/formerly ukuletea) Singer/Songwriter, Queer & Disabled ♿🌈
i have to sit in my car for 30-40 minutes after i get home. that’s enrichment time
i know he has something to do with this
Investigators have released a computer generated image of a man they would like to identify in connection with a burglary in Tunbridge Wells. kent.police.uk/news/kent/late…
obviously I’m not a well man
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IM SCREAMING FRANKLIN GOT MURDERED BY THE NEIGHBORHOOD CAT ON HIS FIRST FLIGHT OUT OF THE NEST OH MY GOD
Jerry Seinfeld Says TV Comedy Is Being Killed By the ‘Extreme Left and P.C. Crap and People Worrying So Much About Offending Other People’ variety.com/2024/film/news…
WIMPY (suddenly the world's richest man): I will gladly pay you one hundred million dollars for a hamburger
Ya, I’m did the that :)
I wander waht woulde habbin if i bite ALL tha bunts ? One rite after an othur ??
When comedians are too ripped i don't know whether to laugh or jack off
i probably say “i’m gonna” in response to someone telling me i shouldn’t do something like 4 times a week but i don’t think anyones ever got the reference.
"you shouldn't let your cat jump on the counter" my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to
Me: what about the time I saw 400 sets of footprints in the snow Jesus: pretty sure those were marching penguins
Investigators have released a computer generated image of a man they would like to identify in connection with a burglary in Tunbridge Wells. kent.police.uk/news/kent/late…
staring drunkenly at the splayed-open chip bag on our table at the bar and was so struck by its beauty I took a photo and it really is that beautiful
Excited to announce I’ve been paid $5,000,000 for my new comedy special, “They Won’t Let You Do Comedy Anymore” for a big streamer. It’s shot at an opera house that sits 5,000 cheering fans. My opening bit will be about me being silenced. The rest will be how much I hate my wife
For those who wondered, he's talking about falling asleep
Merry and Pippin have a sniper rifle this time. The whole trilogy takes approximately 37 minutes.
Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy is coming back again — but it’s a bit different this time. hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-n…
My Final Hater has Perished .
jesus take the wheel, my smartwatch is telling me it’s time to stand up
I have no disrespect for a $12 airport Miller. That's just their culture, and it's not for me to judge.
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