Ashlyn @Pazifer
if you laugh at my jokes we're now close friends it doesn't concern u Joined March 2009-
Tweets5K
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Followers2K
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Following199
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Likes5K
Nobody writes a good product jingle for tv commercials anymore, it's all just prescription drug ballads
Ashlyn retweeted
“What do you know about Bonsai trees?” “Very little.”
I put in my 2 weeks yesterday. Husband has a 101 fever today. Should I make out with him or
I know & accept that electric cars accelerate faster than gas cars. But you gotta understand, half the thrill of flooring a gas car is wondering if it's gonna blow up or not
I'm a big rule follower. Love a good set of instructions to guide me. with one exception. Frozen pizza DOES NOT GO directly on oven rack wtf
Sitting down to make a grocery list but all I really want is more tattoos
Okay so if I can use my HSA on dependents why can't I use it at the vet
I wish I had the balls to go up to someone blasting tiktoks in a public space and say "your earbuds aren't connected"
Took my dog to the vet today and they brought out the big guns (spray cheese)
PERPLEXED at the AI generation on the back of my new pet water fountain packaging
Forget magazine subscriptions, someone give me a year of sub to my favorite patreons
I firmly believe that everybody has that one random thing they're in the 99.999th percentile for Mine is number of consecutive years post-braces that I still wear my retainers (20 and counting)
This site is not mobile friendly in fact it is mobile hostile
Rode my bike home tonight wearing a scarf, but not flowing free, no. Tucked into my jacket... I've seen the Incredibles 1
Maddy 🌨️ @MadHatterMommy
26K Followers 4K Following give your smile and let that be enough https://t.co/IdtiajTUxF
Katie D @KatieDeal99
19K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTav
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
32K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Lottie-pop 🍭 @Lottie_Poppie
36K Followers 3K Following Tattooed mum & coffee enthusiast. Living life from one snack to the next.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
24K Followers 9K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
gas station dream gir... @cheygoulet
30K Followers 4K Following kind of like a goomba, but with slower reflexes
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
16K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Matty @bestestname
15K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
8K Followers 3K Following Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/qLDJZH3oFp
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
25K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
tazz @noneofyours99
79K Followers 43K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
20K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
Lura @lura33shaw
276 Followers 3K Following
Clara @clara53vice151
472 Followers 3K Following
Norma Lebsack @NLebsack62856
74 Followers 4K Following
Donna @waltersdonna30
370 Followers 3K Following
Perrin Manon @PerrinManon10
29 Followers 418 Following CONGRATULATIONS 🎉Your FACEBOOK profile has just been selected among the new winners of this month with an exceptional prize.such as:$600,000,and a range rover*
Marshall bruce @marshalbruce566
1K Followers 7K Following This ain't imposters account, here's my page for all my fans I will be glad if I can go to know more about my fans, love y’all❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Saltanat_imraniya(PTI... @Saltanat_PTI
49 Followers 333 Following
Sambo Son @SamboSon326579
1 Followers 62 Following
AYAN TOBI @ayan_tobi127
0 Followers 21 Following
Drashi @DrashiBtE
44 Followers 5K Following
JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCat
NeuroMuse @MuseNeuro
3 Followers 18 Following She/Her| AudHD 🧩| Artist (Multimedia) Here to share my thoughts & hopefully connect with similar minds 🫶 My Etsy shop is super cute btw, take a peep 👀
anita.gee ✨ @xo_itzanito
2K Followers 2K Following beauty attracts the eye but personality captures the heart. 🪷🐘🪬🥀🕉️♐️💟🇬🇾🍉
SUCCESSFUL KID @SUCCESSKID5671
11 Followers 88 Following Life is full of drama enjoy the little time you have on Earth 🌎
lozitos @lustfullyours69
79 Followers 1K Following
Beard Al Yankmydick @Beardium
1K Followers 836 Following Full time beard owner. Check out my youtube https://t.co/5B8QxYr7mA Check out my online store: https://t.co/rSlRvM27cg
jose antonio martinez... @joseant25739428
373 Followers 5K Following
Jim Rockwood @gaucheboy
385 Followers 2K Following I used to seek transcendence. Now I drink & lie about being a roadie for ABBA. Currently: writing things & punishing a Telecaster like it shot the Pope.
hi sam @merge_labs_ai
63 Followers 515 Following hi sam, i run an app on world, happy to pass you this @ in exchange for your honest feedback (respectfully) @PufLaunch
Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler
20K Followers 10K Following Before Twitter I used to hang out in a lighthouse and flash my thoughts using an Aldis lamp.
♡ Eve ♡ @evecullen610
34K Followers 18K Following gently, touch me with your words (my tweets...my words)© •she/her• #oneforever
Jennifer Parker @Mrs_JParker
2K Followers 717 Following Making two tiny humans laugh one fart joke at a time.
Nayele18 @nayele18maybe
8K Followers 787 Following I don’t want to hold your baby. https://t.co/QgYIS4j9WI
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
ItWorked @JamtaayKa
160 Followers 413 Following below average guy. wannabe pseudo-intellectual. poetic soul. Overall, good egg. almost.
LL Gabagool Jay @LLGabagoolJay
3K Followers 2K Following Passionately apathetic. Not a lover nor a fighter but a secret third thing
The Unruly Misfit @TheSpotter8
2K Followers 646 Following All tweets done from my office air-ducts and crawlspace.
wfhDad @IN_here_Dad
328 Followers 996 Following Dad with 4 kids. I’ll be in by my office. O’s & Commandskins - I left DC in 98. Now I own a truck and smoke brisket. I don’t like summers here
PieGuy @ilovepie84
29K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
14K Followers 7K Following
Mumnipotent Ruler @MumOfTw0
4K Followers 1K Following Mum of 2 under 2 in 2022. Here for the laughs on all things parenting and marriage!
Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 @Tobi_Is_Fab
41K Followers 3K Following door is locked. or maybe it’s open? if you want in, catch the door when it’s open.
Midge @mxmclain
33K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
meghan @deloisivete
22K Followers 3K Following surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Maddy 🌨️ @MadHatterMommy
26K Followers 4K Following give your smile and let that be enough https://t.co/IdtiajTUxF
Katie D @KatieDeal99
19K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTav
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
32K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
your other mom @difficultpatty
41K Followers 915 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
gas station dream gir... @cheygoulet
30K Followers 4K Following kind of like a goomba, but with slower reflexes
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
Big, Bad Caffeinated ... @Caff_Dad
7K Followers 3K Following 🇳🇿 Considered a funny parent by @HuffPost @boredpanda and @TODAYshow Considered kinda funny but mostly painful by my kids.
Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK
10K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, don't take it seriously. my fav tweets - https://t.co/gmfzikX1Fh
The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
48K Followers 6K Following Content creator, audiobook narrator, the best good-bad dancer on X, field frolicker, and professional grass touching expert.
Jonesy the Magical Ch... @CartoonJonesy
9K Followers 3K Following I’m a fucking cartoonist. See my work at https://t.co/qsDd9lT0sP
🌜🤷♂️ �... @raoulvilla
5K Followers 3K Following Husband, father of 4. Parody, not a real moon. As seen on MySpace, Facebook and in the weekly church bulletin https://t.co/FygTBNNF3G
Steve, dad of The Bes... @ScottsdaleVeins
3K Followers 4K Following Soon after I was born, so long ago I barely remember it; the Ps started calling me 'Steve'. Now everyone does.
Sarcastic Sweetheart ... @happymilly1
27K Followers 10K Following Sarcasm always. I always bite back. Still belong to @tommy_charm ❤
🌺Flower Fancy Pant... @FlowerFancyPant
24K Followers 20K Following My name is Flower!Someone stepped on me,crushed my pelvis & dumped me on the road with 4 siblings. We were rescued!Now,I live with 10 more rescued cats & 2 dogs
Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt
22K Followers 12K Following dad. spouse. rustic. humorist. observer. tweetsman. prognosticator. skywatcher. vibes. vapes. cats. road trips.
AllAmerican @steveffootball
20K Followers 12K Following Retired Attack Helo Pilot, DS & OIF Veteran, Father, Patriot. Tx A&M. Runner. Spartan, Inked https://t.co/oqTgWwn3xu
Fillmore Wilbury 🎶 @RussRoth4
3K Followers 3K Following power pop treasure hunter, dot connector, mustachioed dad of 3, favorite misheard lyric: "we're all such silly people" (Marvin Gaye, Let's Get It On)
M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBil... @MonotoneofBill
102K Followers 104K Following I'm Ernie from Southern Maine. Mostly post wordplay in retirement. Like streaming, early jazz and the Boston teams. I only DM with people I know. #IFollowBack
🇺🇦MY MOM SAID I... @M_I_K_E_68
2K Followers 4K Following we are all struggling with something #BLM ad astra 🌌 https://t.co/dEPE46IN91
'Ice Cube Tony' @0DegreesCelsius
88K Followers 81K Following Now an Author ¯\_(ツ)_/¯Fitness4Life*ENTJ*MindBodySoul*Fishing all my life*Muscle*I swim like a Fish*Life's too short not to smile*City*UK*Avi is me*🏳️🌈Ally
Kayla Chow Show @KaylaChowShow
48K Followers 15K Following 💙 Survived my mid-mid-life crisis. //SUPER MARRIED//BOY MOM//CATS//TACOS//SUNSCREEN//BEER//MURDERINO//LACTOSE INTOLERANT// 💙VENMO @ Kayla-Chow-Show
SquishyAcePilot @SquishyAcePilot
199 Followers 286 Following Here's to know a little about me •90s kid •Music Lover •Casual Gamer •Wrestling Fan •Love Comicbooks and Anime •Discord ID: SquishyAcePilot#5943
Kalista @kalistacat
19K Followers 18K Following Mama. Juris Doctor ⚖️ Feminist. Survivor. edtwt. ENTJ. Scorpio. Author. 💕💜 #WritingCommunity Order my poetry books on Amazon now!
Silver Facts @mhazaaaaaa
7K Followers 6K Following Musings of H.S. math teacher. Relatable observations & observable aggravations. Prematurely WHYYYYY!!!!! 😆
Aaron King @A_AronKing
5K Followers 5K Following Ya done messed up, A-Aron! I self identify as a crazy cat lady who prefers dogs. huh/what. Avi is me. Happily taken by @gingerbrigade1
ᛕꪖ᥅ꪖ @KayEmily2
15K Followers 7K Following 🌈Gamer, Fighter, Dreamer, 🐱🐶Rescuer🌈 CRPS ♿️🇩🇪 Du bist nicht alleine!😘💨💨💞
The B. @anerdonfire2
40K Followers 13K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Sleepy Gz 😴 @168GZd
1K Followers 1K Following I like to drink Beer and think about my bad life choices.
Michael @michaelo2016
5K Followers 4K Following I tried to not be a dork once, that didn’t work out too well. out of circulation. Adopt a shelter pet!!
Víkrám @gvicks
43K Followers 28K Following Chasing stories, lifting weights, breaking hearts (and stereotypes). #Ibanker ; https://t.co/1lNZeb2Zyz
Suds @stacywawa1
18K Followers 6K Following I work, play, mom. In it for the (in)sanity and laughs. https://t.co/lInVHpd2ni
New town every hour @TownsUsa
39K Followers 978 Following Randomly chosen town every hour. Sometimes the world, mostly USA. Photos from Wikimedia Commons. See photo links for attribution
Ousa Medusa @MedusaOusa
2K Followers 759 Following Married af. Always carry a🔪. USN vet. Triplet mom. Aggies👍🏽 Autism. Humanist. Thai. Shawnee. INFJ. Reads📚. Life in my 50s. 5’9” & shrinking. HPP. B-side📀
Lori @Cornjerker78
9K Followers 3K Following
JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCat
anita.gee ✨ @xo_itzanito
2K Followers 2K Following beauty attracts the eye but personality captures the heart. 🪷🐘🪬🥀🕉️♐️💟🇬🇾🍉
Beard Al Yankmydick @Beardium
1K Followers 836 Following Full time beard owner. Check out my youtube https://t.co/5B8QxYr7mA Check out my online store: https://t.co/rSlRvM27cg
Jim Rockwood @gaucheboy
385 Followers 2K Following I used to seek transcendence. Now I drink & lie about being a roadie for ABBA. Currently: writing things & punishing a Telecaster like it shot the Pope.
Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler
20K Followers 10K Following Before Twitter I used to hang out in a lighthouse and flash my thoughts using an Aldis lamp.
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
45K Followers 8K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
32K Followers 11K Following Gen X Superhero. Simple man. Food fan. Probably working on @BackEastCo
President Warren G. B... @PopeAwesomeXIII
12K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
Schmuck And A Haircut... @SchmuckOnAHorse
8K Followers 5K Following Mild-mannered CPA by day, miserable curmudgeon by night. Followed by @mrsdash. https://t.co/FLKTeHseS3 on the other thing that I don't really use.
𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸'... @BrickMahoney
4K Followers 2K Following Hey man I don't want any trouble I'm just here for the cat gifs. Click this link - hilarity ensues 👇
Dx: Moonstruck @moonstruckinnyc
5K Followers 2K Following Here I come, marching to the beat of my own dumb
Upside Dad @UpsideDad
3K Followers 2K Following Father of 9 at last count. Fan of The Office and Oxford commas. Seen in @HuffPostParents @Cheezburger @TODAYshow @BuzzFeed @BoredPanda and more. My tweets ⬇️
Cody Wimmer @Cody_Wimmer
6K Followers 2K Following Half the hair, twice the heart. Comic. Actor. Writer. IG: @cody_wimmer (he/him) *bisexual flag emoji*
Stinkster, El Stinker... @stinkythinktank
4K Followers 5K FollowingTrends for United States
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